If you were getting a Divorce, What would you tell your children?
By tonniek02
@tonniek02 (457)
United States
December 22, 2008 12:23pm CST
This is a question, meny people deal with everyday. I did, get a divorce. And with my kids. I told them the truth. I told them what was going on and what had happened. My X was agree with me, he wanted me to lye to them. I refused to do that. I did tell the kids. And I told them the truth. It was because he had a girlfriend. I was not going to lye to them. And if you want to teach your children to be truthful to you. You have to be truthful with them. Would you tell them the truth or would you make up some story?
2 responses
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
22 Dec 08
When my ex and I separated I didn't really have to tell my children the reasons since they saw how we interacted and that he had a habit of throwing and breaking things, which I found totally unacceptable. I did talk to them about the situation, mostly reassuring them that their lives would not change much, but I tried very hard not to be disrespectful of their father because he was and still is their father. I didn't want to hurt the relationship they had with him because a child needs to be able to love both parents. What your husband did was terrible and I agree that you shouldn't have covered for him with the children but, as hard as it is, you should insist that they treat him with respect. I hope he's spending time with them and not making them feel that they're not important.
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
22 Dec 08
They were old enough to see what was going on for themselves and I never stopped them from spending time with him. But, once he left he never wanted to spend time with them. He was given every other weekend. And we would not even call them until sunday night. After the weekend was up. And when they would call him. He would always tell them he was busy. When he did come and get them. He would end up bringing my oldest back within a hour or two. Because he would spend from the time he picked them up.....putting me down. My oldest would get very angree about it. And told him one day. Mom wasn't the one cheating you were. So quite talking so bad about her. He slapt her for saying that. And she refussed to go back. The youngest, would have to beg him to spend time with her. She would often ask me, "Why won't Daddy come get me on his weekends"? I would just tell her. She needs to ask him that. I didn't know. So in this case, I can't insist they have respect for him, not after the way he treated them. Now that they are both grown. He suddenlly wants to see them again. My oldest has put the past behind her. And is trying to have a relationship with him. But I think she will always be on gaurd with him. The youngest has tryed and tryed to get him to have something to do with her and he won't even return her calls. I don't talk to him. The only thing we have together is my children and now that they are grown. There is no reason I have to ever talk to him....
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
23 Dec 08
My ex is very self absorbed so he wasn't good about spending time with our kids either. They're grown now, too, and he has 4 grandchildren who he has little contact with. My daughter, who is the mother of three of the grandkids, is down here in Florida with me...1,000 miles away...and my husband is the only grandfather they know well. Her fiance's parents are back up north but they at least talk to the kids on the phone...my ex, like yours, is too busy. He forgets birthdays...even his children's...and gives them all excuses for not sending even a card for Christmas so all three of my children have pretty much written him off. One day he may change, like yours has, and want a relationship with his children and grandchildren but, in his case, it's already too late. It's a shame that some fathers are so heartless.
@cookieweber (316)
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
first of all, i am sorry things did not work out for you..then again, life has to go on....i guess it really depends how old your kids are...mine were 6 & 4 at that time, but still, i told them the brutal truth...that their dad was not happy with me anymore and that he was leaving us because he had to be happy with somebody else...of course i stressed as much as i can that they had nothing to do about it and that their dad would love them forever no matter what...it was extremely difficult at first, but i told them i was open to questions, and i would answer them as honestly as i could...i guess it helped a lot that my ex and i were very civil...we even became good friends again after we've parted...so as my kids grew, i kept updating them about what happened, i guaged what i told them on how they would understand it...things went better than i expected, because i never kept anything from them, even the hurtfull stuff, better they hear it from me than formulate things on their own...so goodluck to you...i hope it all turns out well...God bless!
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
22 Dec 08
You are right..It is better they hear things from you then others. My kids are grown now and they are trying to have a relationship with there dad. But while he is making up with one, he has cut off the other. I hurt for them. And I know him well enough to know it won't be long before he hurts the other again. And all I know is that I can be there for her when she falls.
