what does it mean when he says "we are just friends"?
By liyan97
@liyan97 (2127)
Northern Mariana Islands
December 25, 2008 4:54am CST
Well I have been dating this man for a little over a month now, he is a great man who has accepted me and my kids with no questions asked. I have grown to feel for him in a way that I assume will only lead to a better relashionship. I have told myself to keep my distance because I have already been through too many wrong relationships.
I made him a great dinner on Monday night for his birthday because that is what he ask for, after words he invited me and my kids to his place for movie night, we spent the night there and it was actually a nice feeling. I must admit that It felt like we are moving foward with the relationship.
It Christmas day and we argue over something that didn't even make sense, nonetheless I was hurt about the way he approached and talked to me. NO he did not call me names or curse in any way but he did make a statement of "its none of your buisness", as you can imagine i was a bit shocked and felt bad. I told him that I would let him go because he mentioned that he had an invite from a friend adn hung up. Through out most of the day he wouldnt take my calls so I just simply gave up.
Towards the evening he called and said he would come bye adn bring us some cake and he did. We then talked about what happened earlier in the day and he simply said "Why would you feel bad about the way I talked to you if we are only friends?". I was in awhh, didn't see that coming! Here I thought that we were moving foward and his words just threw us back to the basics. I really don't kno what to say nor do!
What does it mean when he says "we are just friends"?
3 people like this
17 responses
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
25 Dec 08
In simple words he has no intention to have the relationship go any further. As you may have understood by now many men want companionship or a more heavy relationship and all the perks but not responsibility. When pressurised for acknowledgemant of some sort of commitment they back down, claiming they were just friends.
BAsed from what I know he is trying to wriggle his way out of s serious relationship. It may be better if you decide on whether to continue being with him or not. You are lucky because you are a single parent. Someone in my country felt the guy she met at a university was better than her husband. They had a very close relationship and became the talk of the university. She got a divorce and gave the good news to this guy. After the things they did together the guy had the guts to say they were just friends.
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy4 people like this
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
25 Dec 08
Thank you for the isnsight, I really apreciate a mans perspective. I really cant see where tthat comment was from, i mean we have only been dating a little over a month and I am being realy patient making sure not to push things and yet he still says "we are just friends".
Well he called tonight and we were talking about us, I made a comment somthing like "you are such a sweeet friend" and he took offense to it and left. I said you said it first and he said and you said it too adn left. Okay I am totally confused now! I realy think it would be better for me to back down rather than stay and get hurt in the long run.
Thank you again!
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
26 Dec 08
I have read a few of the responses to your discussion which am not used to. It seemed like most answers imply that the guy does not want to commit. I respect their opinion and I would actually answer the same way. However, allow me to answer the other possible way what the guy's statement would mean.
You had been dating for a month and the guy was acting like he is your boyfriend or more than friends. You assumed that he would be the perfect guy for you since he has been very caring, sweet and thoughtful, that he even accepted for what you are and your kids. My question is, "What is actually the score between you and the guy?" Is he courting you? There are really guys who are more expressive in their actions than in saying the words. If he doesn't tell you the magic words, never assume.
In your situation that you are clueless of your present relationship, it is better that you ask and open the issue. IBut never ask this question, "Do you love me?"...
Perhaps, what he also mean by his statement is that, he might have been waiting for you to make to confirm the real relationship. Did he tell you his real intentions why he is dating you? If he did, then the floor is yours. He is insinuating that you have not actually said "YES", that is why.
Ask him....If you feel something about him, then say it.
3 people like this
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
26 Dec 08
Hello maean_19 yes, he is courting me we have been out on more than just a few dates and they always end up great. At times when I cant find a sitter he would take me and the kids out therefore, I have assumed that things we moving foward. I would't go as far as saying "love" because I am not at that point yet. I guess what I am seeking right now is justy and indication that we are actually "moving foward" with the relationship. I know that 5 weeks is far from a long time but he has been truly a great man to me and my kids and i have alot grown to appreciate him and like him just a little more than when we started. Thank you agin for your response, I have decided that I will talk to him about it and see where things may lead.
2 people like this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
I am right. The meaning of his statements is an insinuation that he is actually waiting for your answer. But, to be sure about it, better ask him. It is very hard to assume about things and situations like that because it might lead you to misconception or misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Good Luck my friend. Thanks for choosing my response as the best..Happy New Year!
2 people like this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
26 Dec 08
That is terrible. I have been through this so many times before meeting my husband. I would be in the relationship for the long haul and would be friends and become attached to a person. They would lead me on and make me feel like they cared but they used me and did not even want to be friends in the end.
2 people like this
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
26 Dec 08
Thank you stephcjh, that s exactly the reason why I am seeking answers. I too have been through it many times before although he seem different. I just wish things could be clear so that I wouldn't waste my time.
Thank you again, have a blessed day!
1 person likes this
@mslovely101 (177)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Obviously he is not serious if he says "we are just friends". A real man would say "This is my woman or my lady or even my wifey". Not A Friend.I would have told him to go suck his friends....*&^%$#. Hope this helps. Never let a man play you for a fool.
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
7 Jan 09
Lol....thank you for your honest response... Well it has been a few weeks and things have actually goten better. I tried to break it off but he wouldn't allow it, he spends alot more time with me and the kids and has finally admitted that we are in a relationship. Nonetheless, thank you for your response, have a blessed day!
@Gesusdid (1676)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Wooooow , yahhh he pretty much , threw you thru hoops basically and just actually wanted ur company , ill say because maybe you have kids and he feels like that you guys are already have a good conversation and a good vibe , that he doesnt want to take it any further than that . ...so basically TO YOU , your waisting your time , that friend that he saw that night was probaly , another woman he's seeing or wants to take to another level , you never know ..but yeah this case is close and its up to you if you want to move on ..but i think he's made his mind up ...
2 people like this
@healer (1779)
• India
25 Dec 08
Its not something that he does not want to proceed further but i guess you should give more time and see. Its not easy to give commitment specially from a nice guy, as i have come across guys who give their commitment but will break it after a short period of time. Its a big word to say i do and they really need to think about it and you too should have some patience and let things happen its way i am sure it will turn out to be good. Wishing you good luck in your future.
2 people like this
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
26 Dec 08
hello liyan97,
I guess you better talk to himand ask him how he really feels about you. For it seems to me that he enjoys your company but not the way you were thinking or expecting. He just treat you as a friend and not getting a commitment to you. Nevertheless, confront him to clear your benefit of the doubt.
I might be wrong and that he is not ready yet to enter a relationship. But for the meantime, better not expect too much so you will not get hurt.
2 people like this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
26 Dec 08
I guess I will be the odd ball in the mix of replies.. but I honestly feel that he is scared. I think he has started feeling more than he had thought he would and that he is backing away. If it's meant to be.. he will eventually confront his feelings and begin a closer relationship with you.
The last time I saw this same scenario... the couple ended up marrying 2 months later.
2 people like this
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
26 Dec 08
==
Hi There! Awww… that must hurt! I hate that line… I mean, it only means that your guy doesn’t want to engage into more serious stuff with you… or more likely he is afraid of commitments. If you are the type of person who is serious in a relationship and you really love the guy, you need to tell him or ask him the real score between you and him. You can be just hanging until he say that he want a commitment… If he is not ready then you need to either wait for him if you still can or move on with your life… Everybody deserves a person who can love you back… that includes you.
Also, you have kids.. if he is close to your kids already, you really need to straighten things out with him. I hope you will be okay soon.
Good luck!
Happy Mylotting and Merry Christmas! Cheers!
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
26 Dec 08
Thank you so much for your response, I appreciate you taking your time to provide your opion. Yes, I do plan on talking to him about it I am just giving it a little time because I really dnt wanyt him to feel like I am pushing for anything. What I seek is just honesty so that I can move foward. It really hard especially because he is close to my kids, that is why I am just shocked at what he said. I can't understand why he would place himself in my life like that then just pull away. I can handle whatever outcome this brings, i just wish I didn't have to do all the guessing and wondering. I want to know so that I can move foward and take the right steps, i really don't want to waste time. I am seeking a commitment at this point juat some indication that I am taking the right path.
Thank you again, have a blessed day!
1 person likes this
@808nala (640)
• United States
25 Dec 08
Sounds to me like he doesn't want a commitment. He probably enjoys your company, but is not ready to get into a serious relationship. Maybe you should discuss with him where you stand or what he wants out of this relationship. From there you can make a decision on what you want. Don't waste your time for too long though!
2 people like this
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
26 Dec 08
hi j27lee, yes he has taken me out on several dates. I have spent the night at his house and he has even cooked us dinner on a few occasions. I feel like there he is intersted in me because if he was not he wouldn't be so nice but then again to hear those words from his mouth, through me back and has me questioning this whole relationship. If he does not want to further what we have started I do ecpect him to say so. It is hard to put faith into something when you know that there are no guarantees but it is even harder when someone places that false hope in you as he has done to me. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it to the fullest.
1 person likes this
@daring_diosa (120)
• India
26 Dec 08
It simply means he isnt ready for a serious relationship.. My guess would be dat he is comfortable with the way things are going on between you two, and he doesn`t want to complicate it any further. If you give a serious thought to moving in or living with him, tell him frankly. U`ll feel a lot better when it is out of you!!!All d best to u..
2 people like this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
26 Dec 08
I am not that good at relationships so you can take my comments with this in mind. I only have little information that is in our post too. However you are a woman with kids and you have been seeing this guy which you seem to like for four or five weeks and you decide you want the relationship to go further. I suspect you are a little annoyed that he was not reciprocating fast enough so you got on your high horse and picked an argument to "test" the relationship and of course the result was predictable as you knew it would be. You did this to push him away and then blame him.
You have to remember any relationship tends to be something that develops over time and a man does not jump into a relationship with a woman with kids overnight and I hope you would not do so either. Most guys are hesitant in taking the responsibility of another man's kids and you have probably got some baggage too associated with that.
Quite frankly after a month I think you are pushing things. What did you expect him to say that he was madly in love with you and wants to marry you right away? That would be creepy and a flag something is wrong.
1 person likes this
@liyan97 (2127)
• Northern Mariana Islands
26 Dec 08
Hello mariposaman, I appreciate your response an opinion but I must say tha it is far from correct. NO! I did nit expect him to say that he is in love with me! What i did expect is an indication that we are moving foward. He has choosen to become part of my life and he has shown me in many ways but then he sudenly pulls back. Look i am not pushing anything, i have been through too much before I know what I should and shouldn't do. Nonetheless thank you for the response have a blessed day!
1 person likes this
@tabachi (263)
• Philippines
26 Dec 08
it means that there is really nothing special about your relationship..you are just a friend to him..you may feel something for this guy but based on what you have stated.i think that he just takes you as a good friend...don'texpect anything from him..there's no romance...he said it directly to you...that is very clear...don't be down...maintain a friendly relationship with him..accept it...you should know better...go out....don't mope in a corner...im sure that there is someone out there...good luck!
2 people like this
@Jenny0206 (2)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Girlfriend, I think that's his way of letting you know he does not want to commit. It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. Now it's up to you whether or not you'll be friends with him. In many cases I think men lets us know how they really feel but sometimes we let our emotions control us.
On another note, I am a single parent too. I chose not to expose my child to anyone, unless I know he's marriage material and we have lots in common.
I wish you best.
2 people like this
