Help Me Please! My Mom Is So Depressed!

Check with your local Amvets and VFW. They usually have one that they will give you on a loan. That would make it so much easier. Does she like to play bingo? Alot of the senior centers play with bigger cards and usually for nothing or very little money. Just an idea. It is a shame your dad does not have patience.

AMVETS? Never heard of them but the VFW I have but didn't know they'd have a wheel chair that I could borrow! That's really cool! Thanks for letting me know about this! No she doesn't like bingo. My grandmother and I did and do but some how it skipped a generation, lol I'll have to check around to see if there's some shows going on, maybe I could take her to one. I agree about dad, I wish he did have more patience but he doesn't. I've just talked to dad just now, he called and I asked about how mom is and he said not good. I'm going up there in a little bit and in the meantime, I'll call VFW to see if I can borrow a wheel chair and get her out of the house for a little bit. Something has to give. BTW, Thank you for the ecard you sent!! That was very kind of you!!

I did for a little while but once we got back home she started crying again. If you don't mind, read my other responses and you'll see all that's happened during and since. It's just too much to type again.... I can't take her out because she can't walk much and doesn't have a wheel chair. Thanks Thoroughrob....

Oh that is so sweet! Your mom is very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. I'm sure those outfits will brighten her day for sure. She sounds like my mom and dad were...very independent and hating to have to depend on anyone else but themselves. You're doing the best you can for her...which in my opinion is a pretty darned good job. But it's up to her to come to grips with things that are going on in her life. It's just going to take time for that to happen...which I know that you already understand. I'm just trying to reassure both of us I guess. LOL!

Yeah I know but it's hard because I wish I could just take it all myself so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore. 8 months of recovering has got to be hard and knowing she has 4 or more to go has to be harder. I try my best to make her happy and she knows that for she's constantly thanking me. I just wish there was some sort of magic button that I could push. (Wishful thinking)

You're never late Kat!! Anytime you respond is very much welcomed! No I wasn't able to cheer her up, well yes I did for a little while when we went to the chinesse resturant and then to the christmas displays but once we got home, she was back at it again and dad's snapping at her didn't help so I told him to cut it out because she needs support not to be cut down. He stopped but I don't know what he did after I left. She feels like a burden which is not the case at all and I've told her so. I've told her "Mom, if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't." She agrees but I know her and her way of thinking. She knows that when I clean, I clean it right just like she does. She's always complimented me on my clean house and so forth and I tell her, look at who I had for a teacher. She smiles from ear to ear. I know it's a mental war with herself and I hate seeing her beat herself up but she does. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she's still depressed but not as bad as she was yesterday but still. Another thing too, last night I decided to wear a beautiful sweater that she had gotten me a few years ago that I had put away for safe keeping for a special occasion because it's a really nice and well made kind and I didn't want to ruin it so I put it away. Last night I decided to wear it for the first time to show mom. She loved it and thought that I looked really nice, then she wanted to put on something nice too but felt that she didn't have anything so I tried helping her find something and nothing seemed to brighten her up so today I bought 2 outfits for her to be sent to her without my name on the papers so that should lift her spirits when she gets them in about a week. I can only hope so.

i hope your mom be ok with the depression you could take her to mental health and let them help her.i hope everthing be ok soon

I am sorry to suggest this, but sometimes an antidepressant can be appropriate in these kinds of situations. Have you considered this at all or is it out of the question? I can understand either way. It is a tough decision to make.

She's taken zoloft twice before and both times it caused her to have diareah. I did make the suggestion again and told her that she could take some antidote to the diareah and see if it'll help and she said "yeah I could try that" so I'm hoping that she'll call her doctor on monday for a prescription. If she doesn't then I will.

Hi Rozie, I do tell her all the time but since she can't remember the majority of her stay at the hospital and rehab, she has no idea how far she's come. We remind her all the time. She does do all the things she's able to do but she can't bend down to clean the bathroom or vacuum and mop so I do those things for her. I was even cleaning the fish tank too but she's taken that over. It's just that she can't write, crochet, and other things that she enjoys and when she holds a plate or a coffee cup a lot of times she drops it. Like last night I had to rush to her aid to grab her plate because it was rocking side to side so hard. She can't control it. Oh my gosh, yes she hates being dependent on others and feels like she's a burden which is not the case at all and I've told her so. I've told her "Mom, if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't." She agrees but I know her and her way of thinking. She knows that when I clean, I clean it right just like she does. She's always complimented me on my clean house and so forth and I tell her, look at who I had for a teacher. She smiles from ear to ear. I know it's a mental war with herself and I hate seeing her beat herself up but she does. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she's still depressed but not as bad as she was yesterday but still. Another thing too, last night I decided to wear a beautiful sweater that she had gotten me a few years ago that I had put away for safe keeping for a special occasion because it's a really nice and well made kind and I didn't want to ruin it so I put it away. Last night I decided to wear it for the first time to show mom. She loved it and thought that I looked really nice, then she wanted to put on something nice too but felt that she didn't have anything so I tried helping her find something and nothing seemed to brighten her up so today I bought 2 outfits for her to be sent to her without my name on the papers so that should lift her spirits when she gets them in about a week. I can only hope so.

I just answered your post and then lost it because of not being logged on even though I just logged on a while ago. I was wondering if your area has a program like day out which is a place where mom could go during the day for about 4-6 hours to get some stimulation and dad could get a break. We have a day out program here in our area and it is great. Mom use to go to it and they have people there of all ages and all different disabilities. They have dietary, and nursing care for patients who need it. The handicapped bus would come to the house and pick mom up and bring mom home all free of charge. It was paid for by her medicare/medical. I was also wondering if there was any way you can take mom out yourself? that way you and mom can go around and see the Christmas light two and three times if she wants to. If you do not drive then you can ride the handicapped bus free as her care taker you have to get the doctors note. That way dad could just stay at home in front of his TV. That way they both may be a little happier. I am a disabled RN and have seen so may people with strokes and it is amazing how they recover and yes they seem to have good days and bad days. They seem to do better in the morning when they first wake up in the morning and wake up after naps, as the day wears on and they get fatigued their paralysis/weakness gets worse. I am so sorry your Christmas was so bad because of dad, they can be such pain in the ars' some times. Mine is the same he is mean and nasty and I sometimes do not know how his wife puts up with him. I hope this can help you some.

This is really a tough spot for you. You are so right...Dad is more of a setback than a help. I could really feel for your mom in reading your response here. Even on a good day, I'd be hurt by that sort of coldness. The fact that she loves him as she does, his reaction to her problem probably means more to her than anyone or anything else. You know, If I got a , say, new haircut. The entire world could tell me it was great and beautiful but if my boyfriend of all people spoke negative of it, well, that'd be the opinion that stuck in my head and mattered. this is not much different. Rather than encouraging her, it sounds as if he is making her feel more self-concious and more pressured. Poor lady. I am sure it is hard for him to cope with too.Still someone needs to talk to him and encourage him to help her emotionally ....maybe even be understanding t o him as to what it might be like for him to cope with her handicaps. Things like this are so hard on not just the handicapped person but all those around them. I am willing to bet that both he and your mom are in dire need of encouragement.

It's never too late to give advice because mom is so depressed all the time but has her good days too but more bad than good lately. She did enjoy the outting other than the few times dad was short with her and once I had to snap at him to get him to shut up a minute so I could get two words in. He's so impatient and wants to go from point A to point B with no stops inbetween, arg!! Like this place that I took her to, it's absolutely gorgeous with all these lights, decorations, trains, santas and mrs claus and everything christmas. You can either drive through it but you won't see the inside of these small buildings or you can walk through it and get to see the inside of each little building so since mom couldn't walk that far, we drove through it and I asked mom if she wanted to see it again and dad butts in and says no and mom was trying to tell me yes to go back so I hollered DAD! so I could hear what mom was saying. He makes good situations into bad ones because mom loves to sight see and dad doesn't. He's a thorn in her side and mine too when he wants to be. I love him to no end but still! He just wants to do what he wants to do and then get home to sit in front of the tv and mom isn't a tv watcher and wants to do things but dad doesn't. DAMN!! So of course, for mom, I turned around and we rode through the place again which she so enjoyed. On our way back home dad rolls the window down some and mom being in the back gets all the wind and asked him to roll his window up and he snaps at her that he's trying to so being electric, I got it up for him for he was pushing the button the wrong way. Still, he doesn't have to be so damned snappy. Like that's going to help mom and her depression!! We finally get home and mom is crying her heart out and she said that dad can be so cold and that he's snapped at her from time to time "What are you bawling about now?!" So I went and told him to knock that sh!t off because that's like knocking her down some more! She needs support not to be knocked down more!" He nodded his head and then I told him to get in there and talk to her which he did and he tried to make things better but ONLY because I said something. I just wish mom would stand up to him and make him stop here or there where she'd like to see some things but she won't. She takes his sh!t and in other ways he takes hers. It's the weirdest relationship I've ever seen in my entire life. To be honest, I don't know what kept them together and for this long. I honestly and truely don't. I got her to take her nerve medicine before going to bed, I wouldn't leave till I knew she was in bed and safe but she was really clingy and telling me how she appreciates everything I've done and that she loves me too but that today was really a bad day for her and that she has days like this and unfortunetly, today happened to be one of those days. Dad's attitude doesn't help her one bit. He has no patience what so ever and mom needs love and patience not to be cut short. She's just so frustrated because she can't use her hands, they're still so numb and shaky that she has no control over anything and she's constantly spilling things that she's so fed up. I told her her feet have been doing a lot of healing although not finished yet but more so than her hands so maybe her hands are next. We can only hope. As for her walking, she's taken a step back again. Dad says she goes back and forth in that. I was really hoping she was on the mend but maybe not just yet. She's on a teeter toter type of thing, 2 steps forward and 1 back kind of thing.

I do tell her all those things and it does cheer her up for a few minutes then she's back at crying again. I know it's a part of the stroke but dang, it's killing me inside to see her like this. I'd like to get her out of the house every now and then but sometimes she's too dizzy or tired to go anywhere. I know an outting would do her a world of good but not when she dizzy or wiped out. Thanks for the suggestions for they're good ones.

You're right, and as the saying goes, "Getting old isn't for sissy's" because of all the aches and pains they go through and to have something like this happen to them only makes it worse. Don't worry, I won't give up but dang, it's really dragging me through the mud. My brothers know she's depressed but she covers it up some and my brothers joke around and make light of the situation because they're mean who can mask what's really going on and I can't. It eats me up alive seeing her like this. I do certain things for her because she can't and other things she does or dad does. I'll clean the bathrooms, vacuum and scrub the floors, I'll do the fish tank too if she hasn't already done it herself. Dad does all of the cooking. Mom waters her plants, scoops the catbox, dusts when she can, and cleans the kitchen. She's so bored with the rest of the day because she runs out of energy and she's dizzy almost all the time. No one knows where the dizziness is coming from. Yesterday she wasn't doing as good in her walking and dad said she does that a lot, does good one day and bad the next. I thought she was on the up and up but apparently it's a 2 steps forward and 1 back type of thing. It's much better than she was before so I'm thankful for that.

No no it's never too late Carmelanirel because lately she's been like this more so than not and I'm at my wits end and so is dad. Dad is not a patient one at all and he makes it worse instead of better. You are right, holdays do bring out the emotional side and the worst in people when it's suppose to be the other way around. Mom told me tonight that she had wanted to have all of us kids down, I'm only a half hour from her but she's talking about my brothers and their kids and their kids kids. All come down and stay with them and my place so we could be together on Christmas Day and she'd make a big feast for all of us to enjoy but since she had the stroke, the idea went out of the window. I told her that I tried to get my brothers to come down but obviously they didn't and that when their time comes, my brothers will have regrets and if they say anything to me about it, I'm going to tell them flat out, I don't want to hear it because I tried to get you guys to come down but you wouldn't. Mom tried to defend them saying they have to work the next day bla bla bla and I told her that hubby and I did it, so can they! We went up to their old place when they were living there and stayed for a few hours and drove the four hours back all in the same day. If we can do it then so can they. She said I was right and we dropped the subject because she knows how I feel about my brothers actions. Nothing will excuse them of not seeing their parents on a special day such as this. NOTHING.

I knew mylot would cut me short here so I posted my last response but here's more.... She did enjoy the outting other than the few times dad was short with her and once I had to snap at him to get him to shut up a minute so I could get two words in. He's so impatient and wants to go from point A to point B with no stops inbetween, arg!! Like this place that I took her to, it's absolutely gorgeous with all these lights, decorations, trains, santas and mrs claus and everything christmas. You can either drive through it but you won't see the inside of these small buildings or you can walk through it and get to see the inside of each little building so since mom couldn't walk that far, we drove through it and I asked mom if she wanted to see it again and dad butts in and says no and mom was trying to tell me yes to go back so I hollered DAD! so I could hear what mom was saying. He makes good situations into bad ones because mom loves to sight see and dad doesn't. He's a thorn in her side and mine too when he wants to be. He just wants to do what he wants to do and then get home to sit in front of the tv and mom isn't a tv watcher and wants to do things but dad doesn't. DAMN!! So of course, for mom, I turned around and we rode through the place again which she so enjoyed. On our way back home dad rolls the window down some and mom being in the back gets all the wind and asked him to roll his window up and he snaps at her that he's trying to so being electric, I got it up for him for he was pushing the button the wrong way. Still, he doesn't have to be so damned snappy. Like that's going to help mom and her depression!! We finally get home and mom is crying her heart out and she said that dad can be so cold and that he's snapped at her from time to time "What are you bawling about now?!" So I went and told him to knock that sh!t off because that's like knocking her down some more! She needs support not to be knocked down more!" He nodded his head and then I told him to get in there and talk to her which he did and he tried to make things better but ONLY because I said something. I just wish mom would stand up to him and make him stop here or there where she'd like to see some things but she won't. She takes his sh!t and in other ways he takes hers. It's the weirdest relationship I've ever seen in my entire life. To be honest, I don't know what kept them together and for this long. I honestly and truely don't. I got her to take her nerve medicine before going to bed, I wouldn't leave till I knew she was in bed and safe but she was really clingy and telling me how she appreciates everything I've done and that she loves me too but that today was really a bad day for her and that she has days like this and unfortunetly, today happened to be one of those days. Dad's attitude doesn't help her one bit. He has no patience what so ever and mom needs love and patience not to be cut short. She's just so frustrated because she can't use her hands, they're still so numb and shaky that she has no control over anything and she's constantly spilling things that she's so fed up. I told her her feet have been doing a lot of healing although not finished yet but more so than her hands so maybe her hands are next. We can only hope. As for her walking, she's taken a step back again. Dad says she goes back and forth in that. I was really hoping she was on the mend but maybe not just yet. She's on a teeter toter type of thing, 2 steps forward and 1 back kind of thing.

It is very kind of you to respond and with such kind words!! I thank you very much for that!! I will tell my mom what you said and I'm sure it'll make her smile to know that people out there do care about her. May God Bless You and I pray that you're able to get well again!!

Thank you so much for responding to my discussion on this!! You're a blessing along with the others who've responded and gave advice for it's very very helpful to my mom as well as for me because I'm not feeling so alone anymore. Not that I'd wish this on anybody but gosh, the feeling of isolatedness is incredible! Mom was doing the bean thing for a while and that's how she got the use of her hands back, or as much as she has now but I don't think she's done that in a while. I'll have to mention it to her again and hope she'll be open to the idea. Now the chopsticks idea is a really one, one I didn't know about! Thanks so much!!

Thank you but do you have any suggestions? Also I'd like to welcome you to mylot! Hope you enjoy your time here and make a lot of new great friends!! Some advice, if you will. When ever starting or responding to a discussion, you should make it a few lines long, discuss the issue instead of just a few words because that's how you make your money here. One liners aren't welcomed here and thought you'd like to know so you won't get banned.

I just told my mom what you said and to get accupuncture but she said her insurance won't cover it so I offered to pay for it so we'll have to see how that goes. I want her to be as good as she can be so she'll be happy with herself and not continuously beat herself up all the time. She's doing a lot better than she was but she doesn't see it or sees her progress as being really slow. It is slow as she was told it'll take a year or more to recover fully. She's so impatient with herself. Thanks for telling me about accupuncture!!

Yes she lives nearby and I am going up to see her and my dad. I found some really pretty poems and have printed up two of them to take to her in hopes they'll boost her spirits. I'm hoping to find a frame to put them in, I might have one upstairs but if not then I will get one in the days following. Thanks for your help, I just might try that, if she's willing.