When your parents grow old, but they dont want to believe they are ..

As long as her accidents are minor, and as long as she can do the things she wants to do, I'd say hands off. It's everyone's right to decide how they will live, and that includes how they will die. Your grandmother is obviously willing to take the risk of injury, and considers that the price of her independence. As long as her mind is functioning, nobody has the right to tell her what she should or shouldn't be doing. I'm almost 72, and all I can feel for her is admiration. I would rather fall down the stairs and die in my own home, than in some care facility. Your mother means well, and she should be willing to help out, but not interfere.

Its hard to see parents grow old, they once again become like kids and sometimes its hard to handle. My parents aren't that old but i can see and get the experience from my grandparents and i hate to see that one day my parents too will experience that same thing. Grandparents they always want some one to be there with them so that they would talk to but like you said they try to do all the work by themselves even thought they cannot and they slowly do their job in the end. I always see my mommy talking with my granny that she is too old to do such things they are too stubborn and they hardly listen but its ok for me and i try to help them when ever i am around.

Can they get someone to go over and take care of those things for her. How about getting her into a senior apartment, just to get her away from the stairs. My grandma was very independent, but she knew when it was getting to much for her.

Sounds like your grandmother is stubborn..LOL. It was kind of different in my great-grandmother's case as she lived in an apartment building and nearby neighbors were always checking in on her to make sure she was all right. She was a stubborn bird and was living alone too, and she didn't pass away until the ripe old age of 98...Does your grandmother refuse to have some kind of visiting type service to check on her, like maybe a visiting nurse service? There are so many programs out there to help the elderly, but of course the person has to be willing to accept that service and from what I'm gathering your grandmother doesn't want this kind of thing, right?

Are you talking about my grandmother or yours???? what you discribed is exacly like my grandmother. She came to Australia to be with us 2 times and both times she went back. She has no one back home to take care of her or help her but she refuses to live in Australia and she even went on hunger strike so they (my father and his brother) had to let her go back. Anyway she is 86 years old and because she has worked hard all her life she has many health issues. But that does not stop her. She climbed on the roof to fix some tiles and the leder fell so she decided to jump lucky she didnt brake anything. She Goes on her own to the market and everything even to the graves (and they are about 8km away and she walks there and back. Anyway she is loosing her mind now and balance and when we went there on holiday she had a really bad fall and broke her leg just bellow the hip and refused to have an operation and we had no choice but to put her in a nursing home something no one wanted to do but was the only option as there is no one to look after her. I feel sad every day when I think about her but what can I do. If I wasnt expecting a baby I would have stayed behind to look after her.

Yes, my grandmother is pretty stubborn about this as well. She doesn't get into a lot of accidents because there are people looking after her all the time. But we had to really act as pushovers for her to finally get a hearing aid and wheelchair. It just sunk in that she was having difficulty hearing and walking on her own.

well thats an easy answer.... i would make my parents re-arrange the entire house in a day.... shift furniture around and stuff..... they would immediately realise that they really have gone old..... anyways i was just kidding!! but if that really happens to my parents then i would tell them that its great that you guys though being old are very young hearted which i would really appreciate loads of oldies that i know.... i would try to make them understand that though you guys are young from the heart you are still old physically so i would want to know the smallest hurt that you get and not to hide it cos incase that hurt does get bigger then i have to pay the hospital bills :P kidding again.... just that i wouldnt want to know something where we could have stopped it happening only if our oldies would have told us !!

hello Sissygrl, Wow! your grandmother is still alive and kicking. She needs exercise though but not to the extent that she will shovel the snow in her driveway. It's so cold out there and I believe shoveling the snow is not the right thing to do at her age. She might break a bone or something. She should have a companion with her then to lessen your worry. Old people don't like to move to other house, is like my in-laws. They don't like to stay wit us so we can take care of them. They prefer to stay in their own house. They don't like that their house has no one to live for they're thinking that it will be destroyed. They believe that they're already old but they don't like to live in other house. One thing for sure is that, if they're in their own house, they can do what they want anytime and feelmuch comfortable for they're use to it. Not that they don't like us but that is the main reason.

It's so hard to not only admit that you are too old to take care of yourself and your home anymore, but to give up your home. That's where all of your memories are. I've gone through this a couple of times because I'm older. First was with my ex's grandmother who was put in a nursing home against her will by her son because she had dementia and had become a danger to herself. But she was miserable so we took her in to live with us and that made her happier. Most recently we had to deal with my husband's father who lived one block away, nextdoor to my husband's brother. His brother did most of the caregiving but we all helped from time to time. He was a mean old man so it was hard but we did what we had to do in order to let him stay in his home with his memories, because that was really all that he had.

we are on the same boat my grandma stays with us and she had a mild stroke early this year but she doesn't believe us whenever we tell her that she needs assistance when ever she travel from one point to another for for her she can do it on her own and we should look after her. at times she would even tell my mom and my aunt that she has a wrinkled skin and we were telling her that is normal when you get old. For her she can manage in everything that she does and doesn't need anyone looking after her. She and my mom would always argue about her state. No matter how they argue over it after sometime she will do what was denied of her to do. Oh well. I think this is really normal for old people. they act like children. What we can do is take care of them even if they do not like us doing it. Happy Mylotting!!!

I went through this with my own mother. She would never admit that she was not able to do something. She would work so hard on the days that she felt decent that she would be sick it bed for the next month. She also got to the point that she couldn't see to drive but if you told her she was about to hit something she would get mad at you. I swore I was not going to be like that so I have always admitted when I couldn't do something that I used to be able to do. You have said that she has a big house and I am assuming that her family lives close by from what you have said. Could someone move in with her. Perhaps the one that was willing to do it could make her feel like she was doing a favor by having them move in. That way she could be kept an eye on without hurting her feelings or making her feel useless.

It has something to do with pride or shyness to ask for help. A lot of old people wants to show that they can still do some work by themselves eventhough they are really weak already. They don't want to feel useless. They just hate that feeling. I think I would too when i get that old but I think I would not mind some help from my family. My dad is like your grandma and he's only 75.

hi friend sissygrl , i am also passing through this way with my parents.my mother was 80 years old. still this time also she do all the works in our home.sometimes i told her leave that works, i would complete all the works. she wakeup early in the morning and do all works.and more she told us that i am not interest to sitting lazy. they were not interested to come to my home and stay with me.and also they says that we are not able to do our works that time we will come your home.only one thing i do when they were suffering with any health problems i go there immediately to attend them. don't bother about your grandma.

they havent grown yet but even if they did i dont think they would think that way. those who believe they are still young are those who are young at heart. or those who are alittle bit childish.

You and your family might need to speak to a professional about this problem. But for now I wouldn't do anything but let her have her independance and let her be. She might not make it through this but it is her life and it should be her choice. If she isn't of right mind than that would be a different story but since she is of good mind she knows what she is doing and it might even be the thing that is keeping her alive. Sometimes people take all of this away from the elderly, their dignity and independancy and then they just give up because they have no reason to live. This is just too indepth of a conversation to have here in mylot so I am going to stop there and just say I hope your grandmother and your family all the best in what ever it is that you guys do about it. Alrighty then, talk to you later my friend, Have a good mylotting day, Chris