Am I a Bad Friend?

I am sorry about your sister, that is really awful for you all. You are not a bad friend at all, in fact I would say that you did the right thing and I am sure given what you have been through your friend would applaud you for being there for your nieces and nephew, and there is always next christmas or ones after that or have your celebration with your friend on another day instead to make up for it.

I am so sorry to hear about your sister first of all. I think family is more important and taking care of your sister's children should be your first priority. You will have christmas again next year and i hope you see many of them, so you can go to your friends then. I think if they are your true friends then they will understand your situation and will wait for the next christmas to come so that you all enjoy together.

you should know that friends are always there and good friends always stay no matter what...given the situation you have, friends most likely to understand your decisions of staying with your family..it might had kill the tradition but for a good cause..i do believe that your friends doesn't see you as a bad friend just because of that,,in fact, at this kind of situation is where you really know who your best buds are..so cheer up and i'm sorry to hear about your sister..

Hi welcome to mylot! I think given the circumstances your friends should try and understand. The holidays are indeed a time to be spent with both family and friends. I applaud you for choosing the kids over a good time with friends. Traditions are great but life sometimes doesn't afford the opportunity to always stick to the program or plans. I'm sure if you tell your friends why you didn't attend they will understand. If they don't then maybe you need to analyze whether or not these are true friends that will support you thru good and bad times.

I do not htink you are a bad friend at all. Your friend's may be hurt in the beginning, but in the end, they will understand. Here's a suggestion, why not have a "late Christmas" with them, if they would like to. Some sort of special night just for you and your friends, a night that isn't exactly a holiday , but can be a holiday just for you. I think that you did a very good thing staying with your nieces and nephew for Christmas. I am sure it is a very hard time for all of you, and especially those kids. You did the right thing by showing them that they mean so much to you. You are a great Aunt as well as a good friend, I am sure they all understand.

No you are not a bad friend at all. I think your behavior is completely human and natural. I think you must try and explain your friends your situation and i am pretty sure that they will understand. Ask all your friends to come to your house so that you can have a get together and your friends will also have a chance to meet and know about your nieces and nephew. I think this not a problem at all friend you just need to explain to your friends thats all. I feel sorry for your sister i hope and wish that your nieces and nephew will have a good future. Happy Mylotting

Under the circumstances, I don't think that you are a bad friend. Family should always come first. This year your nieces and Nephew needed you to be present. It likely meant the world to them. More so that what it would mean to your friends to attend the traditional Christmas get together, even though they are your friends. Family is different. I think that you did the right thing and hats off to you.

No you are not a bad friend. I am sure your friend understands why you could not spend christmas with her, i know if your fried was in a similar situation you would have understood, after all that's what friends are for. Your family is going through a bad time and being there for your nieces and nephew is a good thing you are doing. So stop being too hard upon yourself, talk this over with Kitty and you will know how she feels about it, i am sure it will make you feel better.

First of all, my condolences to you and your family for losing your sister. In a word, no you were not a bad friend. In fact, the reason you decided to stay at home was because of your family and your nieces and nephew, and circumstances that were totally beyond anyone in your family's control, this act in itself was self-less not selfish. We cannot be everything to everyone all of the time. So, because we cannot do everything everyone needs we must make choices. That means, we will please some people sometimes and not at other times. For example, once a couple gets married they must merge two families, so they must negotiate spending time with their own family or with in laws -- the family of their new spouce. Due to the very nature of blending families, someone may be disappointed to not have you with them during a holiday. This is just how Life Works! In my opinion, friends and family should understand this and not hold it against you even if they are disappointed at not having you with them. It will then be up to you to decide how and where to spend your holidays. In this particular instance, I absolutely agree with your decision to lend extra support to your family during this difficult time. I think, your friends should be willing to understand this and perhaps get together at another time for a girls' night. If your friends find this difficult to cope with I would consider the value of my friendship with these people. You and your family have been completely unselfish towards your nieces and nephew during one of the worst times of their lives. In my opinion, this is the best thing you could've done. My heart goes out to you and your family, may your days and years ahead be happier ones and may you support each other during these very sad times, take care.

That's really sad. But you're not a bad friend because of what you just have said, your sister was murdered and your family's now taking care of her

Guess i am not. Coz i've always been helpful to them though they're not to me.

The fact that you are worried about your tradition, while standing by your family, already says you are a good friend. You did what you believed was the right thing. I also believe it was the right thing. If she really is a good friend, she'll understand. The children need you. They have to come first right now. You didn't kill the tradition. You went with priorities. That makes you a great friend and a great family person.

no, i dont think you are a bad friend, since some things have to come before others. Just because you do not spend christmas with your friend does not make you a bad friend, and dont forget that there are lots more christmases to come in the future years where you can spend time with your friend :D

I think you are the great friend, and the family ist the most important in the world. We should to spend so much time with ours friend so we can.

Having read some of the replies to your question - I think you have a pretty good range of responses! Rather than repeat what others have said, I would just like to reinforce the idea of explaining why you cannot be there this year to your friends, setting up an alternative way of meeting up, possibly including getting them to come to see you and your family since it is hard for you to leave them at this time. Don't forget - your neices and nephew are children who will have very strong needs at this time and you are just being a very natural Auntie, in wanting to give them (and your family) some support. I don't know how big a family you have, but over time you may be able to share things around between you all and find ways you can get some personal space whilst still ensuring that your family feel supported. Heaps of things in life create conflicting loyalties - talk about it with those involved and maybe you can negotiate things so that you still meet your social needs without feeling guilty. Good luck!