What's the best way to give advice to a friend?
By krayzietam
@krayzietam (832)
United States
December 29, 2008 6:53pm CST
Hi everyone. 
I am the type of person that feels that if I am a true friend to someone, they deserve my full honesty when they ask me especially when I feel like they may be making a dumb decision. I always try to watch how I phrase things though, because I have learned that it is not exactly what you say that may be the problem, but it is how you may say it. Even so, some people aren't receptive to your advice even when they ask for it, and that is the only time I give my input. I have learned that some people would just rather you let them be.
My question to you is, what route do you take? Are you completely honest with your friend when you give advice? Or do you soften the blow by kind of telling them what they want to hear even though it may not necessarily be the best thing for them to do?
Thanks for your comments. 
I am the type of person that feels that if I am a true friend to someone, they deserve my full honesty when they ask me especially when I feel like they may be making a dumb decision. I always try to watch how I phrase things though, because I have learned that it is not exactly what you say that may be the problem, but it is how you may say it. Even so, some people aren't receptive to your advice even when they ask for it, and that is the only time I give my input. I have learned that some people would just rather you let them be.
My question to you is, what route do you take? Are you completely honest with your friend when you give advice? Or do you soften the blow by kind of telling them what they want to hear even though it may not necessarily be the best thing for them to do?
Thanks for your comments. 1 person likes this
3 responses
@Tweenis (30)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Hi Krayzietam,
It is a very hard position to be in at times. Not all of our friends want to hear the whole truth, and may resent it and stop speaking to you for awhile. I believe in complete honesty, especially if you are trying to prevent that friend from being hurt or injured, or making a fool of themselves. But being the messenger doesn't always make you a hero or a true frined in their eyes. I guess it has a lot to do with how close and trusting the relationship is, how serious the issue is, and how you present your opinion or suggestions. Best way is to think it through, even rehearse it, even if you have to have someone play the receiver of the suggestion.
Tweenis
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Yes, that makes sense. And the last part is actually a good idea. Sometimes I go to someone else who I confide in and ask if this is the best way to approach the topic. Thanks for your input
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
30 Dec 08
The thing about it is, is it's hard to give advice to a friend. It's easy for it to be interpreted into a insult. I never give advice unless I genuinely mean it, and then my expression and tone are that of quietness. I don't like being the person to tell them what they need to do, because honestly who's to say that it's correct?
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
30 Dec 08
That is very true. I am sometimes weary in giving advice. I only say something if I am asked to, but sometimes to be honest, that person doesn't really want to hear what you have to say. So I guess it all depends on who you are dealing with I guess because not everyone is the same. I think I am much better at listening to my friends vent than talking to them about their problems lol
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
30 Dec 08
I'm more for venting too. Then again now all of my friends are guys so I don't have to worry about that so much.
1 person likes this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
30 Dec 08
A true friend will tell the truth in a non judgmental way. Sometimes you have to admit that you do not want to get involved though and tell them you are with-holding your opinion because if you give it, it might jeopardize the friendship. Typical of that is when girlfriend is complaining about boyfriend and you agree he is a jerk. Then girlfriend gets back with jerk boyfriend and you are the heavy for agreeing he is a jerk. I try to stay out of those no win situations for the sake of the friendship.
1 person likes this
@krayzietam (832)
• United States
30 Dec 08
That is so true. I had a friend who kept asking me about a situation with her and her boyfriend at the time. I didn't want to get involved but she constantly kept asking me for advice. Therefore, one day I gave in and told her in the nicest way I thought possible and then she got upset at the truth. From then on, I decided that I would not talk to her about her problems anymore becuase it would go nowhere good. Now, we hardly talk. I guess we learn from our mistakes.
