Don't start pulling punches
By cyntrow
@cyntrow (8523)
United States
December 30, 2008 11:39am CST
I have a friend that I meet for coffee with each month. He and I agree on NOTHING and we spend our coffee time debating. It's intensely enjoyable and it can be a lot of fun when one of us says, "Hmmm. That makes sense." And it shocks the other one. The point is that we go at it and hold nothing back.
At our recent meeting, just before Thanksgiving, he mentioned that he had been out of work and was 50 dollars short on the electric bill. I gave him 50 bucks. I told him, what I have told everyone else that I have ever given money to. Don't pay me back. Just promise at some point down the road, you will do the same for someone else. Pay it forward.
So I went home and forgot the whole exchange and we met this weekend. It seems that the dynamic of our relationship has changed. He didn't fight me as hard as he usually does. It wasn't as much fun as it had always been.
So, my question is: Is he pulling punches because of the money? Could he just be concerned about his financial situation? Should I ask? OR would asking just alter the dynamic more? What do you think?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@urbandekay (18278)
•
2 Jan 09
Perhaps you should pick an argument about money, it might clear the air!
hehehe
all the best urban
@urbandekay (18278)
•
2 Jan 09
Ah come on now, I'm sure you can pick a fight with the best of us
all the best urban
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
1 Jan 09
Could be many things, embarrassment is one. He could still be in financial straits and doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want you to pull out your wallet again. He could just be feeling blue at the holidays.
Give it a little and then if things aren't back to normal talk to him about it. Money is always one of the most difficult dynamics, whether it is between friends or family. Usually it will sort itself out. You did a nice thing. Hopefully his discomfort will pass.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
31 Dec 08
His behaviour might has changed towards you because he might be feeling something for you? I am just putting a question here! Or perhaps he is troubled with his financial situation? Or perhaps he just wants to be nice towards your act of genorisity
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
2 Jan 09
LOL, no. There is no attraction there. I know it was just a question, but I found it funny and that's nothing against you. No, he and I have an interesting friendship. It's the disagreements that make it. I don't want him to "be nice." I want him to let me have it with both barrells as I do with him. I just don't want the money to get in the middle.
@karishirley (91)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Accepting money is one of the most difficult things in life to do. (Trust me, I've been there...ha.) Maybe he is just feeling a little sheepish about it. That's perfectly understandable. Perhaps you are right too in that he is concerned with the financial situation that he is in. It's probably weighing on him very hard. If I were you I would probably just let the situation go for a little while so he can work though it. Don't mention anything, it will most assuredly alter the dynamic even more than it has. If it seems like things aren't getting better maybe very gingerly bring it up, but you have to be careful. Finances are NOT fun to talk about so you don't want to make it worse. Good luck, I hope things get better!!
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I've been there too. And he knows about my financial situation, which might be part of the problem. I'm just hoping it will blow over by next month.
