How often do you end up Arguing/ Fighting with your partner/BF/GF/Spouse ?
By rashmi1979
@rashmi1979 (112)
United States
December 31, 2008 1:03pm CST
I love my husband ...I have known him for 9 years now..but I still seem to be getting into arguments or small fights with him all the time! Mostly its about him not speaking out his mind and sharing his thoughst with me or it is about how I think a certain thing needs to be done vis-a-vis how he thinks it should be done.
Such fights upset me and I wonder how come we know each other so little even after all these years..Is it normal? Does it happen to other couples too?
I had a small fight today morning itself when he was unnecessarily lazing around whiel I was getting late fo roffice ( we share a car...so..) He knows I like to be punctual yet...
Would really apprecaite if I could get some time tested advice, tips, pratices to avoid such fights and arguments..Thanks in Advance!!
Wish you all a Very Happy New Year! :)
2 people like this
13 responses
@timmons (120)
• United States
31 Dec 08
These fights are normal, they must exist in order for any relationship to function normally. My advice is to have a heart to heart with your husband and discuss the matter as a couple. It is very important that you both understand what you are doing as individuals to start these arguements and admit you are wrong. Thats the first step, you both have to be willing to put the other before yourself. Not to go all Dr. Phil on you...
1 person likes this
@rashmi1979 (112)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Hey Tim! Your words are really sensible and I totally agree with what you have to say...but you what ...my major problem is that my hubby dera has a real big problem understanding and accepting where he is wrong...discussing stuff gets so frustrating sometimes...But i guess he is improving..so I will keep my patience upbeat and try explaining to him more often :(
Thanks for the advice though! Really appreciate it :)
@ds6413 (2070)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Hi, usually I ask to be left alone for about 10 minutes so I have time to either go over the fight in my mind or just cool down. I know when to leave my b/f alone when he is in a bad mood. He gets that way when he is watching a sporting event and his team is not doing too good. And he know when to leave me alone but he also knows it doesn't take me too long to get over the fight...leave me alone for a little while then all will be forgotten.
@rashmi1979 (112)
• United States
31 Dec 08
WOW! Good for you :) I tend to take a lot of time to cool off. This sunday I was asking for directions on phone from a friend and my hubby started nudging me on the shoulder..he apparently wanted my attention to make a point..But I got so annoyed because I could not hear the explanations clearly and I definitely did not wnat to call my friend again!
So, although I was very very upset and my heart was pounding..I took a few long breaths for sometime and then explaine dto him that if he needs tos ay something in the midst of a call, then he might as well go ahead and say it as giving him a 100% attention would be impossible. I told him I can listen to him and incorporate the point in my conversation while listening to other person as well but i definitely would not like to keep the other person on hold - listen to him - and then check on that stuff; especially if he wants to say something several times...
He did understand that and thankfully we did not argue much. But I do remember having problem breathing due to the anger an dstrain for at least 10 - 15 minutes..
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
31 Dec 08
I don't know. We get in silly arguments a lot, especially if we are both tired.
What I've started doing is just telling him that I'm in a bad mood and am trying not to say anything, and then we just don't talk to each other for about 15 minutes until I've distracted myself. When he's the one in the bad mood, it's a bit trickier because he doesn't verbalize it. We're practicing.
I think the longer you know a person, it can potentially be worse for your fights, because you know how to annoy the other person.
@rashmi1979 (112)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I try doing too...sending out a caution signal when I am in a BAd Mood so that we do not get into arguments. And difference here is he does keep quiet for that time till there is a noticeable change in my mood :)
Usually he does a Kiss test to check my mood. He would get his cheek near me and ask me to kiss him..usually what happens with me is when am happy i give a nice one otherswise its usually a low energy one..He gauges it and leaves me alone :))
But inspite of all these meters and checks we still argue quite a bit..I guess we are still getting to know each other as it is our first year of marriage...:)
Thanks for Sharing Cutie! :) Wish you a Very Happy New Year!
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
I think it's perfectly normal for couples to fight. My parents do it all the time - of course not because they want to or have to! LOL! They just do! And they've been married for 28 years now. I don't know how the fight starts but I know how it stops - someone always have to give way to the more angrier person. Like if my mother is more mad, then my dad shuts up.
Thanks for the response on my discussion!
@LuvBr0wn13s (765)
• United States
31 Dec 08
My husband and i have been together for 5 years. We get in a fight if we discuss anything more intense than what is on television. We are very different, and the way we approach issues and situations is also very different. We love each other, so we have accepted that we need to try to find ways to communicate with each other effectively. We are not always successfull. As a matter of fact I usually decide which battles I am prepared to fight and which ones can slide.
@rashmi1979 (112)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Same here..I & Hubby are also very different in perspectives. However what annoys me is he usually refutes my opinions and would try to establish his as the ultimately true/right ones. I hate it when he does that and I do realise that I have simply stopped discussing stuff with him now ...May be thats why I am on MyLot now..good & bad at the same time ! :(
I will try and prioritise issues like you , so that we do not enter into an argumnet on those that are not critical . That was a great tip! Thanks & Have a Great New Year ! :)
@dhillesland (7)
• United States
31 Dec 08
First I have to say all people are different and all relationships are different. What might work for one may not work for another. I've been with my bf for over a year know, we just had a son together. At the beginning we used to fight constantly but now we've figured out how to compromise and stop the fight before it stops. Funny thing was our issue is opposite yours. I'm the one that can't share my thoughts but I've gotten better at it, I think it's one of those things that takes time, however 9 years is a long time! I'm not sure if any of this will help or not but I wish you the best of luck. All I can say is try to talk it the best you can.
@rashmi1979 (112)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Hi Hill! Congratulations for your Baby Boy! & Thanks for the kind words. I will try talking more often with my hubby and avoiding arguments as far as possible..let's see how it works :)
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
1 Jan 09
I think that is normal to every marriage relationship and even to gf-bf relationships. My bf and I are on our 4th year and we have petty arguments too, how much more to married couples. Well, no two persons are similar even identical twins have their differences. Man and woman really differs to what they think and what they like. That is why couples have to understand one's flaws to stay in the relationship and make it more strong. One has to supplement what is lacking to the other and compromise.
It is good though that couples have some petty arguments. What is not good is when one hits the other or vise versa.
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
1 Jan 09
It's inevitable that people will start getting on each other's nerves after 7 or more years together. I'm sure we've all held in the frustration while our spouse crunched away on potato chips loudly or left their dirty clothes on the floor AGAIN. For some couples, it doesn't take that long. Some couples also fight more often than others. I think what's important for you and your husband now is to find a way to come back to each other and continue on in your marriage a little more united. Of course you and your husband have changed in the last 9 years. I don't think anyone can go through 9 years without changing at least a little bit. You've got to get back to ground zero and remember why you got married in the first place. When you find that you can't do that anymore, that's when you have a serious problem.
@my2boys (821)
• United States
1 Jan 09
My husband and I used to argue alot. We used to argue everyday. I think we finally just both grew up and decided we didnt want to live that way anymore. We still have aruguments about once a week but they are small and normally only last a little while. Every couple argues sometimes. Good luck!
@sunil_008 (1269)
• India
1 Jan 09
well when you know that you love your husband then why complain about all these lill fights that are also a part of the every happy household. I think it happens in evry couple. according to me all these lill knout out fights add spice to the happy and prosperous relationships. so there is no point of wonderring about it.
@Suzette265 (51)
• Philippines
1 Jan 09
Only sometimes because we have "understanding, open communication, give and take relationship" that can help a couple to avoid such argument...
@dhaksha80 (143)
• Singapore
1 Jan 09
Like yours, My husband also not speaking out of his mind. I could not even guess what hi is thinking about a issue. He will always accept my ideas even he is oppose to that. I think he is compromised for me. But sometimes i feel so uneasy that why he should not open up and say that this idea not good,we have to do by this way. we are going to complete 2 years. He does not want to argue for anything.In you case such small small fights will keep you both together. even he is lazing around, if he can get you to the office in correct time whats the point
