Step Mothers
By stardustw83
@stardustw83 (435)
United States
January 2, 2009 1:43pm CST
Evil, Hated, non-loving of step children.
These are the things that step mom's tend to be labled with. I myself am a 25 year old step mom to two beautifull children. Not having any children of my own just yet (how ever i am pregnant with my first we are almost at 39 weeks) I love my husbands children more than anything else in this world and they love me the same.
When ever they have a problem they actually feel more comfortable coming to me rather than their own mother or my husband feeling that i would understand them more. My step daughter is 6 and my step son is 11 going on 18 lol. The other day i was going through posts to see which discussions i would like to respond to when one stated that she was a step mother her self of a 14 year old child wanting advise on what to do. Most EVERYONE stated that if the "biological" parents aren't doing anything she should just back off. I have to think that these people that responded either are not or have never been a step parent and or they are a parent of a child that has a step parent and there for are answering this womans questions with some bias.
I think that if i came on here and needed advise on how to help my step children that instead of everyone telling me to ignore it because the parents are that they would be helpfull with their advise. Who is to say that the parents are able to see the situation with a clear mind. I think what upsets me the most is that this woman was looking for advise and was told to ignore it because the parents are as well (well not doing anything about it so why should she interject her self) now what happens if this step child goes out and does something that gets her self killed? As a step parent if i stood by and did nothing i would be so ashamed of myself. I know that every family structure is different but giving the advise to a step parent of ignoring a problem when it comes to a child is ridiculous. COME ON PEOPLE BE HELPFULL NOT HURTFULL. I know that not everyone responded negativly but most of the responses i felt were not helpfull at all.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
6 Jan 09
I totally agree with you on this subject. I too am a step mom to 5 kids. They range from 18 down to 13. I have been in their lives now for 12 years. We do not always see eye to eye but I do love them alot. I would like to think that I play a fairly important role in their lives. I have been through everything with these kids and they know that I would always be there for them. I fully understand that they have a mom and dad and I would never replace them but I am also now a parent figure in their lives. Whether they like it or not sometimes is another story...LOL
1 person likes this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
4 Jan 09
Congrats on your pregnancy! Wow, not long before you will be holding your own little baby.
I think that a lot of step parents get a bad rap. My step dad, while a pain in the bum,actually helped me to become a better person. Sure, we fought like cats and dogs, but he did try and be involved in my life as much as he could, even getting involved with my sports etc.
That's great that your step children come to you. You must be a wonderful person to be able to have children feel as though they can trust you like that.
I think you are going to make a wonderful mum, and I'm sure you will keep the older 2 involved with the soon to be new addition.
1 person likes this
@LadyWinter (195)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Being a step parent is a very difficult job and one that I have done for many many many years...I have also grown up with a stepmother and a stepfather... I have learned a few things though
1. No matter how close you think you are to stepchildren they will always prefer there mother to you. They may complain to you about their mother but when it comes to the special times in their lives, they will want you there, but they will cherish her being there more.
2. Know your limits. There are things you can and cannot do. There are areas it is fine to stick your two cents in and there are areas you should stay the heck out of if you want to keep your marriage and your sanity in tact.
3. Have no expectations of your relationship with them. There will be some events in school that only two parents can come to...dont be surprised when your not given a ticket (Stuff like honors night, parent banquet etc.) Remember they still love you and the slight is not intentional they are children.
I am not aware of the post you are referring to so I cant comment on what other people wrote.
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
2 Jan 09
i do understand the limitations of the role i have chosen how ever when someone (anyone) tells a parent regardless if they are a biological parent or a step parent to ignore an issue because the parents are especially if they feel the child is in danger i think that is ridiculous. Thank you for your comment
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
3 Jan 09
In my first marriage, I had a step-son as well as my own biological children. He and I were very close, and even after his father and I divorced, he still regarded me as his second Mom. Not his step-mom, his SECOND mom. Now, in my current marriage, I also have a step-son. He is a beautiful little red-headed boy. Of course, I also have my biological children. In our home, there is no STEP anything. I am not STEP mom, he is not my STEP son, my husband is not my children's STEP dad, and they are not his STEP children. We are a family, mom, dad, brothers and sister, period. When I am away at work and the little guy is with us, he will continually ask when "MOMMY" will be home. He understands that he has two moms and two dads and we all love him very much. As he grows up, I will be there for him, just as I will be for my other kids. I don't care if he is not biolgically mine, I am a xo-parent in his life and I help to raise him. His mother feels the same way. She has excepted that I am here to help raise him, but I will not try to replace her. The realationship I have with the little guy is special, just as the relationship I have with the other kids is.
I think that step-parents do not get half of the credit that we deserve. We love the kids just as the biolgical parents do, and we too have a special relationship with them. Many people feel that because we are not the biolgical parent, we should have no say in how the child is raised. They say that not understanding all step parents actually do to raise that child.
1 person likes this
@ladyhaylin (31)
• United States
2 Jan 09
thanks for the support :) i wish more people would have helpped me out like you have :) again thanks so much
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
2 Jan 09
just seeing it as it is. Good luck to you and your family. please update me on what happens
