I go between loving him and hating him...

I am sorry you are unhappy. There is a but to all this, the but is that the problems and issues are probably not forever. 1. Money, he is likely on probation right now which means the money isn't as good. Plus although the company "paid" for his schooling and licensing there is likely a clause about repayment. So the money will likely improve in time. 2. Benefits, I don't know how to address this one. Do you mean you don't have health care coverage? Or is it not as good as what you are use to? Is there not as good of a savings plan? It is hard to address benefits without knowing the status. Right now, with most companies cutting back severely on benefits for their employees it is fortunate if you have any. I am not trying to be ugly on this one, but so many families have no health care coverage at all and are struggling. 3. Distance and time away from home. I know all about this one but from the other side. I have traveled most of my career. My husband doesn't love it believe me, as he says marriage is already hard and when one partner is gone 5 days out of every 7 it makes it that much harder. I get that, I really do. But travel goes along with the work I do. I tried a couple of times to take "regular" jobs that kept me home. I hated them. I hated my bosses, and the work I did. Yep, I get that sometimes one partner in a marriage can make a decision that affects everyone. The question I have for you is did he talk to you about it before making that decision? Did you discuss the impact on your family? Financially and emotionally? Were you aware that there would be a financial hit? Did you consider what it would be like to be alone a good amount of each week? If he was really miserable in his other job than that had to be translating into your marriage too. Somehow you two have to find a better middle ground. One in which you can both be happy. One year isn't all that long in the scheme of things and that is how long he is committed to this company, tough it out. Can you get work outside of the home so you are interacting with others some of the time? Can you ride with him once in a while? If he is happier with his new career eventually this should help both of you so somehow the two of you should seek ways to make this work.

Sounds like the career choice may have lessened the strees with him but has created some major changes and adjustments with the family. Are your children small? The reason I ask is I have a friend that goes with her husband on the truck occasinally. She loves it. But both of thier kids are grown too. She works part time and when it seems to be getting the better of them not being around each other for long stretches of time He plans a long haul trip that she can ride along on. From what I understand all companies don't allow this but some do. It may mean that he will have to kind of "get his foot in the door" in order for this to be a solution. They go all kinds of places. She went with him to Nevada in November and they spent Thanksgiving in Vegas. I hope it does work out for you all. Everyone is having to make career choices that they never thought they would have to face. The stress that comes with it can be overwhelming. Good Luck to you!

It really felt bad. i can relate with the situations you have. Actually, he is not yet my husband but we have kid.Our relationship been very smooth until he decided to study and work abroad. He told me that he needs to leave because this is his dreams and this will make him happy so I let him go because i dont want to be the hindrance of fulfilling his dreams but now he is almost three years in USA and never had the planned to go back here in our country... This really caused me so much pain but i have no choice but to accept and face the reality. And i dont want to continue hoping that someday we will be together because this might caused me more pain. So, i just go on with the flow. If we're really meant other. It would be fine and if not, it would be fine also..

I was so touch with what you wrote here. I understand how you feel and I am really proud that you are still with him through this hard test in your relationship. Have you talk with your husband about this? Have you made him aware of what you are feeling about the decision he recently made. I understand that we all have things that we want to pursue in life, but I think when we have a husband or wife and children, you won't decide alone. You will weigh things if this will benefit all of you or if a certain decision will be for the greater good. 21 years is already enough to say that your husband knows you well and you know him very well. I think if you come to him and discuss what your heart must say, he will get there to your point and will surely understand because I know he loves you all these years. As his wife, you must know all his reasons, even if this is hard to understand, we women have this certain power to connect our reasons with men, even if we know it's impossible. We just need to believe. I'll pray for your happiness.

Its very fortunate that you have married to a really wonderful man. Best of luck to your future.

i stand by in your sorrow the views expressed at so natural from heart i salute your opinion. a home is when all are together. dont worry hope he understand your emotion you are not alone dear we are there too with you dont cry dear....

Hi heaven, sorry you are having trouble dealing with this.. it really does suck when something that is making you miserable is out of your control. . My hubby got laid off from his job that was good paying and good benifits. . he was in the car manufacturng industry. . So we packed up and moved home.. home doesnt' have as many well paying jobs as ontario did. . so now he is finding he is making more money on EI then the jobs he is getting call backs from.. so he's doing nothing at all, all day long.. so you can borrow my husband for a few weeks of the month if you'd like.. but he's got a long list of things he wont do.. like dishes, and laundry, and cleaning the toilet.. wait a second.. i'll pay you to take him!!

I know exactly what you mean. Some men just take it upon themselves to try to make things better for the family but it only makes it worse even though they meant well. I make those decisions for us in my family because my husband would have done the same thing. I hope your husband gets a better job and is home with you alot more.

I know that you are unhappy, but you have so many things to be grateful for. Thank God, your husband is less stressed. A tense work environment can cause him to have so many health issues that could take him out of here. Thank God, that you have had the same husband for 21 years and that he is still willing to go out and work hard to provide for his family. Don't assume, that because it was his choice, things are easier for him. A man that provides for his home and comes home is rare indeed these days. Just because you are struggling now, does not mean it will always be this way. Pray and ask God to show you ways to make a difference. The fact that you are on Mylot, is a good start. Remember to be patient with your husband, while he is doing his best to provide for his home.

That is very difficult and would be extremely difficult for me. There are times with my husband and I feel I love him and hate him too and then I struggle to know what to do. I don't know whether to bring it up, separate, breakup (divorce) or whether it's even worth making an argument over. What is hard is when two people are made happy by very different things especially in life experience.

I'm glad you are able to vent about it and hope that you've got your anger out. I have to say that I do think this move in careers. I think he moved out from a job he disliked INTO a career. Granted he is not home as much as he used to be; however, his body isn't being taxed anymore with the hard physical labor. I know people who have very good careers driving truck. The first few years are kind of a hardship, but after that things get rolling. He needs driving experience and then he can get your more 9 to 5 kind of jobs. Take heart, this was a move that he wanted to do and even know you are angry about but you're supposed to be a partnership. Where he stayed at a job he hated for so long, he's found something now that he's interested in. I can't see staying angry a him just because he's doing something that he enjoys.

As a man, as a husband, I can understand what he thought if your husband read this message in your heart. He loves you, not at home, but also out home, not today, but also in his whole life. Maybe he has something that he couldn't tell you. About three weeks ago, I was informed that that I must go to work in another city which is more than 1000 kilometers from my home. Of course, I could resign. But I chose to submit and went to the city, when I considered the debt of our apartment, our child who will be burned in March. I could not tell her too much about my job or our company. I love her. Further more, she is pregnant. I hope she is happy everyday. At the position of a husband, I hope you understand him, support him and make efforts to give him smiles. A family can live for ever not only depend on man, but also woman. Only each of you mad effort to add happiness to it, your family will be a happy family and you too will be happy in your whole life. Hold on! Best wishes

It's a career move so we cannot blame your husband for it. If I were you, go tell him about your feelings that you're not happy on what's been going on. I guess he will understand you coz the work shouldn't affect the family. If it affects the family that much then he should find another, unless it pays good but as you said, it totally sucks and you're struggling.

Wow you sound like how I used to be. Even if you both discussed this new job Im sure you would've had NO idea how lonely you'd be, and how vulnerable you would feel. My husband used to be on the road a lot. He loved his job so much but I hated it. Ok I admit it, Im one of those wives that just cannot be away from my husband for too long. There I said it! I didnt have to tell him how I felt. The crying, resentfulness anger, depression, spoke for itself. I didn't mean to be like that! I knew he loved his job so much. People told me too that I should be thankfull and I was. I just needed my husband. Well since then we sought counselling because we were on the verge of breaking up. We were so close to divorce its scary thinking about it now. Thankfully our cousellor was a friend from church and met with us on the days he had off. Then God stepped in.. My husband had an accident where he lost his licence for 6mths.. His job was prepared to pay for a special licence so he can keep driving, but I asked him not to go back...so he didn't. He lost his job. We signed up for the benefit but, before our first payment I got a job. Hey I was happy to work to keep my husband home. After 7 long HARD months my husband got a good job in our town. It was so worth the struggle for us both and our family. I'll never forget the sacrifice he made for me. I fell in love with him all over again. All the best for you Heaven. I know you'll get through.