Do you think he's taking advantage?
By cafn8me
@cafn8me (71)
United States
January 4, 2009 12:44pm CST
I try to be a nice person. I have 2 kids and a husband to take care of, along with my job outside the home and the usual responsibilities of running my household. My brother (younger by 4 years) has 4 kids and is going through a divorce. I agreed to have 2 of my nephews sleep over last night. Fun for my son and daughter, as well as my nephews. My brother dropped off his boys at 11 in the morning yesterday. I think this is awfully early to be dropping kids off for a sleepover. Now it is almost 2pm the next day, and my brother is still not here to pick up his kids. I have had the boys here for 27 hours! How freakin long is this sleepover going to last? I have now fed these kids 4 meals!
I called my brother a few minutes ago, and he has not even taken a shower yet..plus he lives almost an hour away from me, so it will be almost dinnertime by the time he gets here! By then, I'll have had these kids here for around 30 hours. My husband says my brother is taking advantage of me...and I think so too. What is your opinon? And would you say something if you were me?
4 people like this
15 responses
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
5 Jan 09
All this pent up anger you're carrying is not good for you cafn8me. I'm not sure if you and your brother have gotten in tiffs (and I'm talking major fights) before but if you say something to him I"m sure he's going to go off on you. You have two choices which are risking the chance of fighting with your brother.
OR....
When he does pick up his kids just act like nothing is wrong, and the next time he calls you to watch them for him, you could tell him no and why.
Being a nice sister you are by putting food in their mouths and giving them a warm bed to sleep in is very nice but I do think your brother is taking advantage of you. I would bring that to a stop real quick though.
My brother is somewhat the same way. He expects my mom to take care of his daughter and it's pathetic. I thought he would have learned through that mistake but he went and had two more kids with two different mothers. He's an idiot. I just hope that you stand your ground like I did, and feel it's okay to say NO.
Good luck and have a nice night
1 person likes this
@paoxav (1382)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
Nope I dont think so. He just trusts you coz you're his sister. Atleast he knows that his kids are safe in your house. 30 hours is not too much. If you think he's taking advantage, then try to contact him and tell that to him. And try to ask yourself, would you rather have your nephews in a stranger's house than yours? I bet you wouldn't..
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
5 Jan 09
If my brother did not do this sort of thing often, then, I would not say a word to him. I don't know. Divorce is a very, very difficult and emotional time. I think if it were a one time thing, I'd look at it as ...I'm his sister and he needed the time and I'm glad I could help him in anyway. Not knowing your brother or your relationship with him, it is really hard to say. I know if my brother pulled that then I would think he was taking advantage of the offer but not of me personally. We are a very close family and even if it put me out some, I know that he'd do the same for me. I think i'd cut him some slack.
1 person likes this
@maroseqf (3657)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
Hello there! I think that your brother is in an unpleasant situation right now. Divorce is really a tough experience to go through. I think he is protecting his children from being affected in the situation. In those times, he needs your help and understanding the most. I think he is not taking advantage over you.
In our family, our nephews and nieces are close to us that they even come with us on a trip for more than a day even when their parents are not with us.
1 person likes this
@carmelsuarez (329)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
I dont know what to say though or anything to suggest. But I would love there are things going on in my mind and I have seen or rather experienced thing like this not as exactly but related.
Some people like your brother is in a state of mind where I assumed not stable. He is probably thinking and thinking a lot of what to do with his kids since he is a divorce person. And needed help, and all he could think about that could helped him is you since you are his sister. But it is not fair with you if he is just assuming things and would not sit down and really talk with you. And yes it would seem he's taking advantage since he did not say anything.
Or if you like you could talk to him and discuss matter with him...maybe he really need some advice and just afraid or embarass to ask. After all you are siblings.
1 person likes this
@d3vans (6)
• Indonesia
5 Jan 09
i think.. yes, your brother takes an advantage of you. maybe he wants to take a time for being alone or he doesnt want to be bothered by his own kids, yea i think he need a time and space. that is why he left his kids on you. i got an idea why dont you ask him straightly? so you will not think that he takes an advantage of you, i bet you wil help your bro in this situation wont you?
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
4 Jan 09
It does seem like your brother is taking advantage of your having his kids. Since he lives an hour away he feels that the boys should take full advantage of being with their cousins. Did you check with him as to when he would pick them up or what time would be best for him to drop them off? If you haven't then maybe he feels it's ok to leave the boys for that long. Men don't always think the way we women do.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
5 Jan 09
As I don't know your brother it is really hard to just say yes. I would have to say yes from the information given thou.
Personally I think you have to say something to him, reason being if you don't and it happens again and then again you are going to feel resentment and if he is smart at all he will realize something is wrong too. I would really hate to see hard feelings between siblings.
Maybe he just needed a break, yes granted that isn't the way to get one. He should have asked and told you he would like a break. Talk to him before things get worse.
1 person likes this
@marymarj2002 (1769)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
I think you should understand your brother. The first place he just had a divorce so maybe he is still having rough time now. And leaving his children in your place is understandable. You are his sibling so he will be asking your help in his time of need. About longer hours your two nephews stay in your house I think that is still okay. I think feeding them for a few meal is not that costly I guess. It is said it is better to give than to receive. It is better to offer help your brother because you are his family. But in case his son will stay for more days it is up to you to ask your brother about them.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
4 Jan 09
[i]Hi caf,
I know it is not also easy what he goes through but considering your situation, I guess your husband is correct!
ANyway, I hope he will not do it again so that you and your hubby's trust for him will not change..It is a great opportunity for him to have you both and maybe he will treasure that![/i]
1 person likes this
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
4 Jan 09
well if I were I would set him down and let him know that you understand what he is going through and that you dont mind keeping the kids but let him know that 30 hours is not a sleep over and that he warn you a head of time he plans on you keeping them longer then a few hours and it wouldnt hurt for him to bring food or premade meals for them it seems you have enough on your plate as is
1 person likes this
@Chastised_Dreamz (559)
• United States
4 Jan 09
I don't know your brother personally but from what you've written is seems like he is. I don't know if I would say anything personally since I don't have a brother but if you have your hands full with your own family and he knows that it seems like he just wanted from free time for himself so he dropped them off. If it bothers you then I would talk to him about it before he makes it a common practice. I know if I were the kids I might actually be happy though because I get to spend more time with my cousins lol. For me the major thing would be that they don't misbehave because I would be annoyed if they behaved badly and knowing this he left them. I don't know your financial situation though but since you mentioned the meals it seems like an extra expense to have two extra mouths to feed. I might say something before he makes it a common thing though.
@Mocha09 (71)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Yes, I think he is taking advantage and yes you should say something...He feels just because your his sister and his older sister at that, that he can pretty much do what he feels like and get away with it... That's not nice and it was only a sleepover...
1 person likes this
@ntmingyu (65)
• China
5 Jan 09
quite understand your problem to tak care of so many kids by yourself. To take care of kids is really very difficult thing, I think man can not realize this. we think it's better you talk with your brother and let he knew his responsibility as a father. You can not always like this way, if there is any time he ask for your help, you can find a excuse to refuse and let his know your problem.
