i'm really confused.....

It seems that your bf is still undecided and is not ready yet to make a decision. You can still give him more time as for the moment. You should be able to create a good relationship. Both of you should open up and really get to know each other. If he is secretive, then it would be hard. You should talk to him and tell if he is really serious to your relationship. It really hurts if he is just using you for him to get rid off from being alone.

well, if you give him more time and things don't change are you going to feel like you wasted time and missed out? or is he worth waiting for? have you told him exactly how you feel and went to him with all of these things? I know when your in the situation it's not so easy but when your the one on the outside looking in you could think of a million things to do.anyways, if everything in you is telling you he is still into her and your not the only one, then I would move on. find someone who is gonna have all his attention on you and not be trying to talk to other people. I think deep down you probably know what you want to do. you just have to do it and dont be scared about it. good luck :)

In the first place you know who that man is and his situation. I know this may sound rude but it's true. You are not using your brain but you let your heart rule. You tolerate and let that man use you. You understand that he likes or maybe loves the other woman why did you allow yourself to be his girlfriend? And then he is weak and being a friend is okay but having a relationship in that kind of situation is not okay. I think he was just respecting you because he knows you were there for him in his misery. But honestly if he really love the other woman until now, I think he will go for that woman especially that they have a son. It is all your loss. Anyway it is better to love that not love at all. But all the decisions is up to you. Clear things between him and you before things will become complicated.

hooking up with someone on the rebound almost always makes for a difficult relationship. No one can tell you whether to stay with him or leave him. I think some of your feelings may come from the fact that you were there and know how devastated he was when she left. After 11 months & being with you, I'd think he would have moved on but who knows? I would definitely want to be a part of the child's life if I were you. If you are going to be together then the child should get to know you.

Hi Mocha, well, probably your boyfriend is also confused about his feelings. Maybe he still in love with his ex and at the same he has feelings for you also. Maybe his having hard time defining his feelings for you. And we may also say that who knows maybe his just fixing his mess with his ex and be ready soon to stay with you. Mocha you are already in the process of balancing the situation. You have to see it in different angels. And I would suggest if you really love him, just give him more time. Continue to communicate with him and who knows one day he might realize that its you he needed the most. Good luck girl!

I was the same way with my wife when we first met. I was with a woman for a few years and then I meet Ashley(my wife) . Even though I really liked Ashley, I really did not want to leave my current girlfriend because I was afraid of being alone. After time I just could not stand being with my girlfriend and then left her for Ashley and now we are married. From a guys point of view, I would give him a while yet. He might be afraid of being alone but i am sure he loves you too. The only thing I am not sure about would be how he is so secretive with you. I don't know him very well obviously so he might be like that always or he might just need a lot of time in order to feel secure with people and to open up all the way. Either way I would give it a little longer yet, it if continues for a lot longer however, you might want to consider breaking it off.

I was told when you have to ask a question you already know the answer. Keeping secrets is not always good. You already know that his heart is with someone else and not with you. You cannot continue to give yourself to a person that's not giving himself to you...He has a family already. Nine years is a loooooooooooooooooooong time, you don't get over that in a day. Remember your heart is a delicate thing be careful who you give it to.

dear, i do understand exactly how you feel, for one i feel you are insecure in this relationship as he is still in touch with her, but for one i do not like what you said about him being secerative and keeps things to himself. that means he is not so close to you.He has to let you be a part of his life , like his son it is important . i think you should have a serious chat with him on the same;

When it comes to men and alternatims ( I don't think I spelled that right) what I mean is making them choose something that you give them example it's either her or me.. they don't mix. Maybe you're right about him not wanting to be alone. Perhaps he's on the rebound. For once, what would he do if you were not actually there for him? Would it make him think about not taking you for granted (if that's what he's doing?) It's very hard to get into a relationship with a man and his children and frankly if a man would not allow me to be around his child, then I would take that to heart and get seriously offended. Maybe use your testing knowledge and experiment but in the meantime don't set yourself up and get your hopes up high if you're not feeling secure because you're going to be playing the guessing game throughout this whole relationship and get hurt. Good luck and have a nice day

Maybe you can give him more time, talk to him, and try to find what he really thinks about your relationship and whether he treasure your relationship, whether he truly loves you. You can communicate with him and try to find a solution to the problem .Wish you good luck!

I think you have given him enough time. THere is something missing from his side. He is not completely yours. He has some reservations in his life whixh he is not sharing with you. So I think you should not think of your future with him.

I dont know... I dont want to tell you things that you should do... but i can tell you situations and decide things for your self. I my college days I too fall in love to one of my classmates. I do have circle of friends then I but I choose to stay with him instead. He told me stories about his ex girlfriend and how madly in love he is with her even up to the moment we we talking but the girl wanted it over for them and my heart just goes out to him. How I wish I could hug him and comfort him. Well... anyways he doesn't what I feel for him then. I remain a friend to him even all that we talked about was his ex-girl. I was hurt yes but that's it... I kept it tomyself because I knew it was not the right time for us yet. But... there was this one time that I thought I am about to explode this feeling I Have for him... I mean I was ready then to tell him my feeling towards him when he said that, why still hanging on to the fish that escaped out into the ocean, where there are a lot of fish around ready to fry on. ohhhh... my goodness that the last thing he said and I said good bye to him and never came back again. I felt being used by him...and I felt that from then and on he knows my feelings but just dont care about it. And since there is nothing he could do for his ex-girl to come back to him, he would instead make use of the girls around him. I cried when I left him but I did not regret.

I think this is a hard call really. Part of me thinks he's keeping you around but still hoping he gets back together with his son's mother. Yet, there is another part that he doesn't want to get hurt because he was in a 9 year relationship and he needs more time to see how it all shakes out. I can see him being protective of his son if you're relationship doesn't work out. He shouldn't; however, feel he needs to hide the fact that he sees his son or communicates with the boys mother. That's all part of it. That connection will always be there, but he shouldn't "hide" it from you nor her for that matter. I think there are a lot of blanks here that need to be filled in. I can see where he wants to move on into a relationship, but still protect himself because he was hurt before. I understand that, but if you are an important part of his life, he shouldn't feel he has to hide you away from the other aspect of his life.

Well in my view, its your fault. You know to yourself that the guy is already committed and yet you still decided to be with him. You can be friends and you can spare him some advices but not to the point that you will be passionate. My advice is, well you should not stay away from him. But stop the passion and be casual. Just be friends. No more, no less..

Well I guess it's just timely that you have to make him reassure about his real intentions to you and just be honest with him that you feel insecure about him being so secretive when it comes to dealing with his son. I guess your husband should learn to be as open to you to lessen that insecurity that is building up in you. Confronting him is the best way but you should not be that aggressive in talking this issue out with him. Just be calm and rational as you can.

I hate to say this but from the way you described it, it seems that he is not that serious in having you as a part of his life in an intimate and romantic relationship. I guess what he feels towards you is simply platonic relationship. You have known each other quite well and yet he didn't mentioned anything serious or even proposing for a relationship. He doesn't tell and share things w/ you. And they are still talking w/ his ex. I guess you have to weigh things and be smart enough to understand what is going on between you. If he is not interested in yoiu then you can find someone who shares the same feelings and interests in life w/ you and not wasting your time investing for him who doesn't seem to care at all.