Friend Advice (sorry its a bit long)
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
United States
January 5, 2009 8:00pm CST
I have well I had this friend that did something really cruel to me. And I want to know what everyone else thinks about this and did I do the right thing. So here's the story.
A couple of days back my mom called me because, she got a friend request from my friend on myspace. And she wanted to know if I knew that she sent her a request. I said no and thought nothing of it. Then I figured that I would check to see if my husband got a request as well. Which is weird and I thought that she wouldn't send him a request seeing that she doesn't know him either. After seeing that I thought maybe someone got ahold of her myspace and sending my friends request. So later on that night I asked her about it and she did stated that she had sent them both a request. Now she is a really good friend and I thought she would at least ask me. So she was like was that a problem. I said yes it was a problem, especially since you sent my husband a myspace request and you don't know him. So she didn't say sorry or anything and just said okay and laughed it off. Which I thought was not right. After that she hung up with me.
So I talked to her today and my friends were telling me that I should have asked her why she did it. Which I did, I wanted to know what the reason was for. So I told her I was upset with her and she tried to play it off like what are you talking about. I had told her that she was disrespecting me because she sent my husband a myspace request without even asking or informing me and then when I confronted you about it you didn't say sorry I didn't think you'd have a problem with it and you just laughed it off. I didn't think that was right. She was like oh, well sorry. I really didn't think that was genuine enough apology because she did it because I told her she didn't apologise about it from the start. So, I wanted an explanation of why she did it. I didn't get one, she was like look I'm sorry if you don't want to except my apology sorry maybe I did the wrong thing. So, I was like you know what, this has really hurt me and the way you are talking to me, I don't appreciate it. I was like forget it and bye. You would think after she saw I was hurt she should have been more considerate, but she wasn't. So our friendship has been lost of this. I don't think it could be mended. Was I right to do what I did. Should I have reacted the way that I did because of the myspace request thing and sending it to my husband.
3 people like this
7 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
7 Jan 09
She sounded as if she was hiding something, so I do not blame you for feeling the way you do. Especially when it comes to your husband, I'm sorry to say this, but girls just can't be trusted. I'm a girl myself, and I don't trust other girls.
I hope you can mend from this betrayal.
Have a wonderful day.
1 person likes this
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Thanks, at least you can understand where I am coming from. These other people are like oh, you shouldn't have overreacted or this or that. Like omg. I do believe that she was hiding something cause she wouldn't say why she did it. Like oh, I wanted more friends or whatever. I would have dropped it if she gave a reason you know.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
6 Jan 09
Maybe your friend didn't tell you about the friend requests beforehand, because she doesn't expect you to ask her first, if you send out friend requests to her family, and maybe she just assumes that you feel the same way? I don't think that she meant to hurt you, she probably didn't think that is was neccesary to ask you first. You write in your post that she is a really good friend, and if I were in your situation I would forget about the whole thing and keep the friendship. I don't think that it is worth losing the friendship because of this situation.
1 person likes this
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Its not the matter that she sent a friend request to my family, but my husband is a whole nother issue. I would never do anything like that to my friends at all sending friend request to their boyfriends or husbands thats just not me. But also on top of that to people that don't know her and some who don't care to know her.
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Guys and gals can be just friends with no other designs than that. I don't think she did anything out of the way. I do believe you over reacted just a tad. She knows he is your husband and is not going to try anything if that is what you are afraid of. Was she a close friend or just a friend. Either way I think you did over react. That is just my opinion though.
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I respect your opinion, but honestly if she is supposed to be my friend then she shouldn't have done it and that is my opinion. I don't understand what you people think that it is ok to say that oh, she can request who she wants without even informing me. I wouldn't have had a problem with it, if she mentioned it. I believe she crossed the line and shouldn't have even gone there without asking me first. And for everyone to say that it is ok, whatever. I could understand about me overreacting because he's my boyfriend or whatever, but he's not, he's my husband and she should have respected that.
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Well.. the thing is. Sending a friend request to someone is not a big thing at all. And if I were her I would have laughed as well because I would have thought of it as funny. But honestly talking to someone on myspace is not much of a big deal and nothing can really come of that. Also it's not right that you doubted your husband's trust. You should have more trust in him on these matters. But she should have apologized seeing you hurt. And the only way I would react like you did is if I thought something was going on. But my girlfriend hugs her guy friends in front of me and I don't take it seriously and sometimes an admirer may like try something on her but I don't sweat it because I trust her.
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I do have trust in my husband. The thing is I thought that someone got ahold of her myspace account. Because of the call that I got from my mother. I thought well hey she would have said something first. She would have said, oh, I'm going to send a friend request to your mother or your husband and she would have said why and then that would have been it. No big deal. That is the whole reason that I had checked into my husbands account in the first place and other people's page and checked with other friends. I thought maybe her fiance' got ahold of her myspace and was being cruel. Because she's having issues there. So my bad, for being concerned about her myspace. So I just asked her about it and she said yes she did, I did not get offended that she sent request to friends and family but I thought she would have more respect to ask me or tell me that she was going to send one to my husband, that is what you call respect to another woman who is married to the guy. If it was someone I didn't know then I wouldn't care, cause I know my husband and what he would do. Its not like I'm overreacting about someone sending a boyfriend a request or fiance' its my husband, but everyone looks beyond that and think its ok. Well you try and send a request to your friends husband or fiance and see how they would react. Probably the same way as I did.
@Seppy1984 (2145)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Hello, This is only my opinion I do believe you were out of line saying that she should have asked you for permission to send him a friends request. I mean come on its not like he is going to do anything with her. I allow my friends to send my hubby requests without my permission. The reason I don't care if they do is because I trust my hubby and all my friends. I think you should be the one to say sorry. Although she had no right laughing about it, that there she was very much immature. But this whole myspace thing should not matter when it comes to your friendship. Let me ask a couple questions...Don't tell me the answers, just keep them to your self and then you decide if you want to take my advice then. Question one Do you trust your friend? Question 2 Do you trust your husband and Question 3 Myspace is suppose to be for people to make friends right? Well if you answer yes to all three then maybe you should tell her sorry but at the same time tell her that it was not right to laugh about it because it hurt. Now if you did answer yes to all the questions then you need to be more secure about yourself and not worry about her wanting to be his friend unless you suspect something. I hope this does not offend you too much.
Happy Mylotting
1 person likes this
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I do trust my husband and I think that seeing she is a good friend she should asked me about it instead of laughing it off. Seeing that it is my husband and she didn't ask me about. She doesn't know him.
1 person likes this
@LaurenInLA (2270)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I find it strange that she would have sent a friend request to your husband without first mentioning it to you. I think that she should have talked to you about it BEFORE she sent it. On the other hand, I think that you should have accepted her apology as is. To continue to ask her why she did it because you think that her apology isn't genuine is in my opinion immature. I do think that there is something else going on here in terms of your lack of trust of your husband. It is also interesting that you asked her if she sent your husband a friend request instead of checking with him. If she doesn't know him, I can't imagine that there is anything sinister going on.
1 person likes this
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
6 Jan 09
There isn't a lack of trust with my husband. I checked with his page first he and I together checked it out before I even asked my friend. But the way she said sorry, yeah it wasn't genuine thats just my opinion. I except her apology, no matter what, but its like she just said it to say it. Alot of my other friends believe that she was not right in the first place.
1 person likes this
@asullivan179 (4)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I'm not sure this situation can be described as "really cruel"
No offense, but you seem to be taking it a little far. It doesn't appear as if she meant any harm by it. Many people will add their friend's friends on myspace because they feel they are important to you and therefore important to them. This really isn't something to throw away a friendship over; perhaps you were trying to get an apology for something she didn't think wrong. Hope I helpedd.
