Mom isn't acting like One (LONG RANT)

Tweet

Sorry guys, this is super long winded, but I need to rant like you wouldn't believe. I don't know what to do anymore. A little under a year ago, my mom called me all in a panic because she was asked to take on another janitorial contract in addition to the one she already had. She couldn't exactly turn it down because chances are that the company would hire on a janitorial company that could handle both, instead of paying 2 companies to come out. Since I had just split up with my longterm boyfriend, and was unhappy with where I was in life, she figured I should come home to help her out and she would pay me to work for her. She asked that I pitch in around the house, cleaning up after myself, making dinner, etc, and that she wouldn't ask anything from me for rent or bills, but just to pitch in for food and the like. So for 6 months I worked about 15 days on, 4 days off, 10 hours a day, had no life outside of work and home, and saved every penny I could to go backpack Europe. The deal worked out pretty well for her, too. She charged double the amount per hour that she paid me, so for every hour that I worked she made $20 minus deductions and didn't have to leave the house. Thus I often worked through my days off if I had nothing better to do, because more money for me, and she got to stay home. I even worked 2 straight months when she went in for a partial hysterectomy (in addition to the housework I took on, that she couldn't do, and no one else wanted to do). Well, obviously it didn't take long to save enough to go traveling if I was working almost every single day so I put my cat in a boarding kennel, and took off for Europe at the end of July for 7 weeks, and came home in September, feeling refreshed and ready to take on life. I told my mom I was planning to move back to my old city and in with a friend, and that I was going to start saving anything I could to make it happen (it's about a 6 hour drive). She hemmed and hawed at the idea, telling me I should stick it out, and wait around here. A job came up at the plant we cleaned at, and she pushed me to apply, figuring I could live at home and work there making good money. At about the same time I started dating a really awesome guy. Life seemed to be going well. I didn't get the job, so I started working for her again, although not as much as before (since the contract was now up). The relationship was still going well, and since my folks live over 1/2 an hour outside of town, and I don't have a vehicle, he was being great about driving out to see me or to pick me up for dates every few days. Then everything changed. My boyfriend had come over for dinner a few times -- on my birthday, and a few more times to have spaghetti and tacos with my family. I didn't think anything of it, since in the past, my brother's friends or mine have eaten with the family without an issue. He'd also showered at our house those nights, since he didn't have time to go home after work before supper. I'd asked my parents ahead of time if it would be ok if he showered, and there didn't seem to be an issue, but the day after the last meal he'd had with us, I received a nasty email from my mom berating me for taking advantage of her. I sent her a calm email back telling her I didn't see how I was taking advantage when I was asking, and was doing my part around the house, but that if she felt that way, I was moving out after Christmas, since this obviously wasn't working. I just couldn't see how a few agreed upon showers and a couple of simple dinners (I mean tacos? Not exactly filet mignon!) translated into that kind of hostility. In response she said it wasn't her responsibility to feed my boyfriend every day (??? As I said, 3 times he'd eaten at our house ???) and wrote a nasty worded laundry list of everything I'd ever done wrong in the past 2 years and why I was a horrible daughter. She stated she couldn't tell me this in person because I was never home (which is not true -- I'm home ALL DAY EVERY DAY, but I work most nights and weekends I'm with my boyfriend). I was devastated. I really have been working my butt off for her since I moved home. I ran her business for her for 2 months when she went in for her partial hysterectomy. I keep my areas neat and tidy. I clean the house and do laundry without being asked. I NEVER borrow any of the vehicles for anything other than picking my brother up from a friend's. I take care of all the family animals (we have 13 dogs and a horse, in addition to my cat, who she has never assumed any responsibility for) whenever I can. I always buy anything I want, never asking her to foot the bill, and often pay for lunch out when we go to town. This is the first attempt at having a life I've made since I moved home (as I said, before only opting to do work or family related things, since I couldn't commit to friend or relationships) and I'm getting berated for it? So I wrote another email back, forwarded it to her sister -- my aunt -- for approval, and we both agreed it was non judgmental and calmly worded. I even made sure to mention that my boyfriend had often brought a case of pop, carton of milk or eggs along when asked, even if he wasn't eating with us, had come to work with me one day when I hadn't got much sleep without complaint or pay and had helped my dad fix his truck. That week I also gave her $60 for dog food, and bought a hundred dollars worth of groceries when we went grocery shopping, figuring in that pitching in here and there obviously wasn't getting noticed. I also cleaned the house, top and bottom. A few weeks went by, and nothing. I figured she was just going through a phase, and all was being forgiven. One day she left her email up and in her inbox I saw a recent opened response from a friend of hers with the same subject line as the one she had sent me. It turns out she'd forwarded my email on to about a half dozen of her friends (only one has met me) so that they could all pick me apart. And they did. This particular response, which is from a girl she has only known for about 2 years, who has never met me nor talked to me, told her she was "a lovely woman, who doesn't deserve such an awful daughter". I get such a kick out of that because this woman not only doesn't know me, she clearly doesn't know my mother. My mother is frequently known to fly off the handle and do very violent and unpredictable things for very little reason (she put me in a neck brace after tossing me down a flight of stairs the night after my 16th birthday, when I refused to get off the phone and help her find a tensor bandage that my brother had lost). She's written off 15 year friendships with people because they told her she was doing something wrong. She cheated on my dad for 2 years, and told me about it at the beginning putting me in the compromising position of not only knowing too much information, but knowing the wrong kind of information -- I was 17. In any case, I finally received an email from her, again pretty nasty. She basically accused me of being a lazy mooch, and told me I had to start paying rent and utilities now. It was about this day that I had saw a notepad with my hours worked on it, and saw that she was missing days I knew I had worked, or missing hours from the days that she did have down. I estimated I was probably short about $300 worth of pay. By this point, frustrated and fed up at the way she was passive-aggressively attacking me I confronted her in person. I told her exactly what I was feeling, that my boyfriend was not to be dragged into this and that I was doing the best I could, but I didn't feel I should have to pay rent when she's apparently already docking my pay, and she knew full well I was saving for my own place. We ended up arguing for hours, but all it came down to was that I was wrong and she was right and she's never made a mistake, and I'm a horrible person. I know I'm not, though. I work my butt off for everything in my life, have never asked them for anything, and always put them first, but my entire adult life, all I've got was grief from her. I'm not perfect by any means, but I always try my hardest, and I know parents who had far more trouble with their kids than they ever had from me. In any case, my boyfriend and I had made plans for New Years, and the day before was my last scheduled day of work, since I'm starting some courses in the New Year. We'd also decided that I would move in with him temporarily while I was looking for a place in town. On my final day, I was so excited to be done with working for her, and for getting out of that house finally, that I wasn't paying attention and accidentally hit her truck with my dad's. The damage was really small since I stopped before anything bad could happen, and my boyfriend works as an autobody mechanic and automotive painter so I didn't think anything of it since he could easily fix it, but when I went inside to tell her, you would figure I'd backed into HER, not the truck. She came out screaming and yelling, and pushed me out of the way. It was unnerving and actually pretty scary. I had apologized, but apparently that wasn't enough, so she started screaming some more and slapping me. Finally I said I had had enough, that I would pay for the damage, but she could work for herself, and I was leaving. I called my boyfriend and we grabbed the cat and a few things and left. That was a week ago. A few days ago, my brother called me and told me she wanted to kick him out (he was 16 in October) and wondered if he could move in with me. Since I don't have my own place yet, I said no, but I understand where he's coming from. I told him I wanted to come get more clothing and kitty litter, and that I didn't want to talk to her, and he recommended I come last night when she was at work. So we did. And this morning I got another nasty email from