Is this a new breed of women or is it me ?
By ronnyb
@ronnyb (6113)
Jamaica
January 8, 2009 11:46am CST
Disclaimer : I am not talking about all the women just SOME of the women that I have met in my recent dating activities.
I grew up having a deep respect for women because I grew up with my mother ,my grandmother and these persons were just pure class .In addition I had other great
examples to choose from among my mother friends they were all teachers ,don’t know if that has anything to do with their morals .However these were women who behaved and acted with such class and elegance. A few of them were married but the others were single women who were just living exemplary lives .They weren’t vulgar ,they weren’t engaging in multiple relationships ,they dressed decently and no one had anything bad to say to them.(as far as I know)
Now fast forward to the future and I am now seeking a partner who espouses the values that I have come to expect from women based on what I saw in my earlier years and it seems as if I am asking for too much .I am wondering if anyone realizes that there are SOME women out there who seem to have no scruples. They seem to be only interested in men who can provide for them, rather than be interested in a long and meaningful relationship. Consequently they may be in a relationship and yet they are willing to be with another man who can provide additional financial resources. These women are not interested in starting from nothing and building with one partner ,instead they are interested in multiple partners who can provide particular needs. Consequently the may have a main relationship and yet they have a man to be the bills and another to entertain her.
I don’t claim to be a bastion of morality but some of the things that now counts for the norm in relationships, I am having trouble understanding .Some of my mothers friends were single and yet they didn’t seem to mind .They still lived their lives in an exemplary fashion ,being content with what they had and they didn’t see the need to enter into a relationship for purely financial means or just for the sake of being in a relationship. This sharply contrasts with some of the women I have come in contact with, they could never live such a life ,that is unheard of ,in fact many of them have the exact opposite philosophy.
Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that modern women should be like my mother and her friends but I just wonder where those kinds of women are .What is also interesting is that if you are a man who is proposing any kind of monogamous relationship you stand to be viewed as fool and cheated on by some of these women .It would be refreshing to meet some genuine women for a change .
So is it me that is looking in the wrong place or has the breed of women like my mother disappeared ?.
7 people like this
19 responses
@LuvBr0wn13s (765)
• United States
8 Jan 09
You may be looking in the wrong places. My mother was the type of woman that was held in high regard because of the way she carried herself with such class. She worked very hard to instill the same virtues in her daughters. It is true that some modern women have taken their freedoms to a gross extreme that is unappealing and very unattractive. My advice to you would be to see about your mother, or other woman in your life that you admire, fixing you up with someone that they know. Classy women do tend to travel together.
3 people like this
@sins1984 (32)
• Sweden
9 Jan 09
hey LuvBrown.. yes u r rite, n i agree with your that modern woman has taken her freedom to a level that she has lost her respect in the eye of men, n of course it doesn't apply to all but if you see as a whole, u will have the same opinion that i have about women, again i m not talking abt every woman on earth, but in general
@raxxie (128)
• Mexico
8 Jan 09
Hiya!
I understand perfectly what you say, because I, as a women, have seen people like that. In fact, one of my dearest friends is just as you described and that makes me feel very sad.
But there are also MEN with those characteristics! So we can't talk about a kind of women but a kind of people...
And, to be honest, I'm sure that kind is not "new". I mean, I'm sure they already existed when you was a child, just that your enviroment was free of them. So, yes, I guess you're looking at the wrong places.
In fact, the best thing is not to look for a mate! Just do your life -but make it interesting. Go to church, take some classes related to your hobby (writing, reading, painting, I don't know), go to the gym... that way, you'll start to meet women with interests and values similar to yours and, at any moment, you'll find a couple! :)
3 people like this
@OOHCUTE2340 (761)
• United States
8 Jan 09
Hi ronnyb, I think you may be looking in the wrong places, if you are looking for a meaningful and fulfilling relationhip, I wouldn't go looking in "bar and/or party scene" I would look in more conventional areas, such as church (if that suits your lifestyle). I don't believe that the "old fashioned" women is completely gone, just harder to find, like you said a new breed of women has entered our world, just look at what we feed our children everyday, tv with not only questionable viewing material, but the commericials alone are full of immorality and physical contact. This society has taken the innocent and made it "bad", our children are taught to show as much skin as possible, that relationships are based on a physical relationship, not friendship, trust, faithfulness, and loyality. We are teaching them that honest communication is unimportant, but the more sarcastic you can be about your spouse or significant offer the more evasive, the cooler you are. It is a sad state of affairs, but my faith is that there are still women and men out there who have morales, integrity and desire for a true bond with a soul-mate. Best wishes in your search for that soul mate. Don't get discouraged. Be happy, be joyful, be safe, be strong. oohcute2340
3 people like this
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
9 Jan 09
Than you for your encouragement.I think you may be right ,lately I have been thinking that I need to start in the churches.I know that old fashioned women are hard to find but I will continue my search becuase I know they are out there.I also agree with you that the society has distorted the perception of reality and has helped to make it harder for seekers of true relationships
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
9 Jan 09
This is not new breed it is what is left from the old. Remember when women stayed home and took care of the family. Well they needed a man that could provide for them so a lot of women got involved with man that had money and all that. Now days some women earn more then the men so there are less of that type.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
8 Jan 09
no, i don't think it's you at all. seems like morals in some young women are a thin of the past. just like the ones that get on ts & expose their chest & whatever else they want to. i don't have a daughter but if i did & she pulled her top up on tv she would be grounded for life.good luck! i'm afraid that girls like your mom are few & far between.
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I feel for you because I've seen this too. My brother actually went through that for years before he met a woman of fiber. Is this breed disappearing? No, but they are getting harder to find. I think there is a lot to be said about where you look for people too.
I don't understand why these woman think they can use men to get what they want. LOL - a good friend of mine would call them a "slapper" - LOL. I think it's where you go to find them and in all reality, I think that to really get to know a person you have to know their family. Regardless of how they are with you, their family and their actions sometimes can speak louder then words.
1 person likes this
@naziashajid (847)
• Canada
9 Jan 09
Not all the women are like that my friend. Personally, I`m not like the above described women. Some modern women tend to use relationships to get whatever they want. They are in a relationship because they will gain something. If there is no gain then they will just throw their partners . I feel that still there are women who value relationship for the sake of love not because of personnel gain.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
9 Jan 09
Well the breed of women like your mom are not extinct altogether, but definitely an endangered species. It’s a sad but true trend of the day we live in. too much of open mixing of genders at school, too little parental involvement, rules and laws for all the wrong reasons as far as kids are concerned, its just not the same both with boys and girls. And we should not blame them altogether…it’s a part of what they see at home too. rising divorces, separate parents…it’s very difficult times for genuine relations. But you can keep on looking and hopefully you will find your soulmate.
@earthsong (589)
• United States
9 Jan 09
It sounds to me like you have hung onto your childhood ideal of the women you were in contact with. I'm not saying the women you were exposed to weren't what you thought they were, but its quite possible that they were just holding back around you. You have to realize that times change and women are freer to be themselves, good or bad. I agree that many women are vulgar and dress terribly, but maybe the women you come into contact with think that is what is expected of them. I'm glad you have such great respect for you mom and grandma, it says a lot about you and that factor was one of the reasons I was drawn to my hubby, even when he was upset with his mom he has such great repsect and love for her. Have you tried getting to know the women you come across? Maybe inwardly they are different than they appear and would appreciate a man who doesn't expect them to be so harsh.
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
9 Jan 09
It was quite funny reading your post. As I find the same to be true of men. Ok they are not looking for someone to financially take care of them but they seem to be looking for the trophy girlfriend. As a single mother of three I have decided that men are probably out the window now. My body has seen better days, I don't want any more children and that seems to exclude me from most mens lists!
I think a loving relationship will turn up at some point but when you are actively looking for it, either male or female, all you seem to find are the wrong ones! Hang in there and I'm sure somewhere is the woman for you. We aren't all lacking in morals, just the good ones are leading their lives and not jumping up and down screaming for attention!
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
9 Jan 09
I started a few conversations like this myself when I was going through hard times with my now ex girlfriend. It seems like she was one of these women you are describing here. It's like these women are screaming how they want a real man but they can't keep it real enough to be with them when they get one. There is no struggling together or building together. It is about what they want and what you can offer them. When the shoe is on the other foot though they are not willing to offer that same support in return.
And its not all women but I fear American womens values (and mens too) are so screwed up that the traditional idea of a structured family no longer exists. They want to have a good time and party, but not deal with the consequences. You seem like a good guy. It's guys like you and me who always get dealt the short end of the stick. I gave my last girl everything. I am not talking about material things, I mean I gave her absolute respect and reverence. I put her on a pedestal. I cut off my friends and family to an extent for her and in the end she didn't appreciate or respect anything I did. I spent a year and a half stuck up her butt and she's living with another guy right now. In the meantime now I ma having to recover financially and make amends with friends I lost for her. It wasn't worth it at all.
I don't know if women like your mom even exist anymore. Especially in America. Maybe we have to go to another country..
@Annmac (949)
•
8 Jan 09
No the breed hasn't disappeared, some are, unfortunately for you, already in secure and happy monogomous relationships, some are deep down seeking the same thing as you but modern society doesn't encourage them to show it, and the others perhaps don't frequent the places you meet women.
I'm sure the perfect partner is out there waiting for you, so please don't give up and don't let the 'bad' examples put you off trying!
1 person likes this
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
9 Jan 09
I read your discussion with great charm & interest and very well understand that you need a partner who should have high moral values.Yes you are very true when you say that women now a days are seeking men who can provide them with better opportunities in life financially.They are not interested in relationships but are more interested in bank balances and possessions a person has.
I am an indian girl and in indian culture parents look for the man for their darling daughter who can provide her good comforts of life.He should be well settled,has good moral values and has good reputation in the society .I think there is nothing wrong in it if you are looking for future security.But to start a relationship only for the purpose of meeting particular needs is not at all a healthy way .
My marriage is also arranged and my husband's family told us that they had good business and their son is well educated and relying on them i was married off but later i came to know that had no factory of their own and my husband was not properly qualified.Now i have to work to fulfill my needs and the needs of our son.So there are lot of instances in the society from where you can learn.Just follow one golden rule "do not expect anything from others "
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
8 Jan 09
As a woman I can say I don't think you are looking in the wrong place. I believe the entire world has changed their way of thinking and doing things. Women don't think like they used to but neither do most men. I often see women and think of how disgusted I am to even be the same gender as them. Many act as though they don't have a clue. I'm with you and I'm not saying all women act this way but a great majority of them have lost their morals and decent way of thinking. I, for one, have been with the same man since I was only 14 1/2 years old. Together we have three children, whom we are raising together. I try to teach my only daughter how to act like a lady although she sees it everyday just as we do. I just hope some of my teaching will sink it.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Jan 09
I think you are looking in the wrong places, Ron. While there are a lot of people out there with very loose morals and values, not everyone is like that. There still are some that prefer a monogomous and loving relationship. Be patient and I'm sure you'll come across a decent girl and probably when you least expect it.
@AnakSuNamun (2084)
• United States
9 Jan 09
Well,morals might have shifted at some point but it doesn't mean those women disappeared. I have a few aunts who have lost their husbands very early and they haven't remarried and raised their kids without any complaints. It all depends on the person and also on what they endured in life,some people stay strong against all odds and some use any trouble as an excuse. I'm not perfect myself but money would not be a reason for my relationship,not because I am saint but because I don't like depending on my men
Search and you'll find the right one
Search and you'll find the right one
@jlamela (4898)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
No, the breed of women like your mother have not disappeared maybe you are not just lucky to find them, because they are very elusive. I don't know if you believe me, but I belong to the breed of women like your mother. Why?because at the age of 34 I have not gone yet for my first date, sometimes my friends called me "an old soul" because of my medieval principle that women should always practice modesty and decency so that their future husband will be very proud of them. So I practiced that kind of principle in my life. I hated parties and called disco and bar houses as nastiest places on earth, I dismissed modern life style as damaging to one's reputation. In other words, I practiced what is expected to a proper woman. But I am beginning to wonder why men did not dash towards me?
But right now, I temporarily forget my worries of what my future looks like, I just concentrate in my work and pray hard.
Modern women should be independent, strong-willed, decent, modest and exude self-confidence and good Christian values after all she will be a mother, the source of life, so she should carry good principles and not the other way around. She should be the source of inspiration to others.
Well, maybe, you did not meet the right woman yet,but don't lose hope, someday you might see what you are looking for, just trust your instinct and pray to God. Goodluck!
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
8 Jan 09
No. But in any generation, you're going to have the bad with the good. How old are you? I'm 46. My grandfather was a real man. He worked 3 jobs trying to support his wife, children, and me. He was quiet, honorable, gentle, patient, a good teacher even though he was exhausted most of the time. If you're my age, he would be in your grandmother's generation. I looked up to him so much, I married a man exactly like him.
My grandmother, on the other hand, had the loosest morals I've ever seen in anyone before or since. Except for my mother. You don't want to know the hell they put my grandpa through. Or me.
It all depends on the person. Not the generation. You're going to find those kind of women sharks everywhere. Just like there are guy sharks like that. I know a woman, not too bright, who married a guy who uses her. She supports him, his family (mother, sister, etc.),and assorted animals. This paragon of maleness spends every night watching trains. In a running car, using up gas.
There are guys at where I work, my daughter's age, who are married and treat their wives with respect and love. Their wives treat them the same way. Actually, any guy who has made a pass at the those girls regret it. Those girls are mean! And they're a generation below me!
See? There's hope. Just cause you've met a lot of frogs, keep kissing. One will be a princess. (Just make sure to clean out the kelp from the other greenies.)
