I think my husband has gone off his rocker, or is it a cultural thing?

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I don't even really know what to do anymore. We have been married for 5 years now, with out too many major problems, until now. These past couple of months he has started drinking more, having double standards, cussing in front of the children, yelling a lot, and now he is threatening to hurt people. He was born and raised in Pakistan, but has been in America for about 10 years now. He has always been a drinker, before we were married he said he would drink like 12 beers or more a night. After we met, I don't drink very much (total light weight, 4 drinks and I'm down for the count, lol), and he cut way down to like a 6 pack a week. Now he is getting back up to close to 3 or 4 a day/night. Recently I asked him, in his opinion, in the past year has he spent more alone time with me or the bartender. He openly admitted that it was the bartender. The double standards he has are near unbearable. I am currently a work at home mom, have been for the majority of our marriage. Sense I am also taking care of the kids, house, meals, transportation, shopping and any number of other things, I am constantly busy (over my head really). In September he insisted that I get an outside job. Fine. I did. I worked a customer service job on my feet 10 hours a day 6 days a week. When payday came around (we got paid cash) he would take 95% of the money and only give me the other 5%. At first this was ok, I figured that we were saving up or something. But then the bills didn't get paid. Phones, and internet got cut off. Grocery budget got cut down. Rent check bounced. I checked the mail and his bank had sent a few overdraft notices. I got his statement and saw that he was withdrawing the money via ATM. I asked him what the prob was why things wern't getting paid. He said that he didn't have the money. I confronted him again and asked him what he was spending the money on. He told me on things that he wants, because he wants it. I quit the job after only about 2 months of this. Mostly because when I would ask him for some money (sense he had taken most of the money that I earned) he would tell me no, that I had already spent it. When I would ask him on what it would be all the normal basic things that I have always gotten, even when I wasn't working like sodas, cigarettes, gas in the car (we only have one car), and a portion of the bills (that still were not getting paid on time). In addition to that, I figured that sense I was working, and he was working less (3 hours a day less) that we should be sharing some of the household responsibilities. He did not follow me on this thinking. I was still responsible for all the other stuff I was doing before working outside of the home. As far as his language use in front of the children. I cant stand it. Our youngest speaks English, but understands Urdu fully. Our older child (mine from a previous relationship) wants to learn Urdu badly, and hangs on daddy's every word. He knows these things, but for some reason, feels that it's ok to cuss if hes doing it in another language. I just fear his reaction when our 3 yrs old gets mad and says "m@l@ch*te". I mean, he has always been good with the kids, but now he has no patience for them. Our youngest was crawling all over him while he was on skype with his brother, and she was trying to tell her uncle hi, but she is very shy. Instead of trying to find out what she was wanting, he yelled at her, and then started cussing (in Urdu). Of course she was terrified, as she is daddy's princess, and he doesn't punish her. And this was only the latest instance, there have been several others. Now with the hurting people. Back in Pakistan, ten years ago, (a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away....) he had loaned large sums of money to several people. If you converted the money, it would be around 20k in total. Now he wants to go back to Pakistan and get his money. I told him, hey they haven't paid you back yet, what makes you think that they are going to now, its been ten years after all. He says that they will or he will put a bullet in their @$$. OMG!!!! This IS NOT THE GUY I MARRIED!!! Yes, that is a large sum of money all told, but really, its been 10 years, not even American credit card companies go after you that long. I told him to let it go, his dad told him to let it go, every one has told him to let it go, but he won't. He seems to think that he can just go over there and bully it out of the people. I really do not understand this behavior. Not to mention, he was telling me about the conversation he has with his brother. Now, I have great respect for anyone who devoutly follows their religion, in a peaceful non-violent way. His little brother (who is all grown up) is a Hafiz. Yet my husband was cheering him on for getting a job in India, and partying, and hooking up with an Egyptian girl for a one-nighter. I would be soooo sad and disappointed if I had any siblings and say ( I was raised episcopalian) they made it to being a Deacon, and then turned around and started doing cocaine. This is how I see this being an equivalent of, yet my husband cheered him on. And again, this is not the man that I married. One last note on the issue. Christmas, I got him a present, he didn't get me anything. The next day I asked him why. He said he would get it the following week. Instead he bought himself and Iphone. I no longer sleep in the same room as him, and haven't for about 6 weeks now. I don't want our marriage to be over, but unless this person that looks like my husband but doesn't act like him leaves or changes, I that separation or divorce is the only option.