biological father vs. stepfather

It is hard to tell your husband about your daughter in contacting her father, however it is your daughter's rights to talk to her biological father. First talk to your daughter and tell her why she wished to talk to him after five years, maybe she is growing now and is missing her father. Then talk to your husband, and explain to him, that it dosen't make any difference if she talks to her reall father, she sure loves her step father too. I sure he will understand your daughter's needs to talk to her real father.

you didn't state how old your daughter is, but i have to say, it is her father. kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and maybe she wants to know what type of man he really is. my oldest daughter grew up with her dad, her step-dad that is, and even though he and i have been divorced for almost 4 years she still calls him dad. her 'real' father has been in the picture off and on, and she talks to him about 2-3 times a year. i also raised a step-son, his mother was not in the picture for 12 years and then decided to contact him, he was 18, it was his decision to meet her and talk, maybe his words to me will help with your present husband, ' he told me that even though he met with her, and she was coming to his high school graduation, it would change nothing, i was still his mom'.

I can see the rights being of your daughters and seeing her biological father. I can also understand how your husband would feel too. That is a very tough situation for you to be in and I can only imagine but not actually feel the stress you're feeling towards it. Do you think your husband would be more hurt if you didn't tell him at all rather then tell at all? What if you just let your daughter see her father without mentioning this? See what happens because maybe her father won't hurt her again. If this does hurt him I'm sure that you can reassure him that it wasn't your intention to do that and that you can work this out as a family. Put him in your daughter's shoes and ask him how he would feel if he was in that situation. Good luck Have a good night

Hi, Its a bit tedious situations. Because , RIGHTS over rules. It is better that you have a chat along with your daughter with your husband regarding the incident. And before that try to find why your daughter is having a word with her biological father. May be she is need of something that she is hiding to you. Do Convey each and every move to your husband, because he is the moral support for your entire family. If time gets elapsed, it may lead to any problems. Everything will be okay, May be who knows , sharing this with your husband may also , find a full-stop to your existing worries and sorrows.

Yes i agree it will hurt him. No doubt about that... He also has to be an adult about the whole situation and realize it has nothing to do with him or against him. Every child has a need to know and get to know their biological parent. I dont know how long her step dad has been in her life. I do know that if he has been in her life and they have a good bond she will always love him and have a special place in heart for him. Let her try and work things out with her bio dad first.

Kids start asking when they're very little "Where did I come from" and they don't just ask once, they ask repeatedly in different ways as they grow up. Such as: "Tell me a story about when you were little." They don't just want any story they want your story. To know you is in part to know themselves. That's a good part of what your daughter wants now. His story. To know him explains to her in part where she came from.

You have to tell him. On some level, he probably knew this day would come as she does have a real dad. So your post is a bit vague. How old is your girl and why has the father had no communication with her in all this time?

How old is your daughter? Did she track him down and start communicating with him herself or did he help it along? I guess what I'm asking is that is this open communication that started with a sincere effort from his end to be in her life again, or was this a case of her just casually talking to him again in an effort to get him to take an interest? If this came from her, I would be worried that he would let her down. Maybe sit down and talk to him about this WITH your daughter. I have step kids so I can understand this a little. My kids do talk to their bio mom and I have always encouraged it. The problem was when they were younger, she would promise things and never follow through. It hurt my kids really badly and there have even been times when they tried really hard to push me away and make me abandon them just like she did. I always assure them that I would never do that, they could be horrible and I would still love them lol. Anyway, my suggestion would be to talk this through with your husband - who is the step dad. Let him figure out how this is going to change his role, if anything will change at all. Ask for his input. Let your daughter talk things over with him. If he has been raising her and been the one who is emotionally and physically connected, then I'm sure she appreciates him for being there, know what I mean? You can idolize someone who is not there but if they aren't there, what is left to do but realize what the person who IS there does for you?

I would like to add to this discussion from the perspective of the daughter. My parents divorced when I was 6 or 7 years old. My mother would bad mouth my dad (and she had every reason, he was unfaithful to her, left her with 6 kids so he could marry his brothers wife who was pregnant with his child. A real life soap opera) but if we wanted to see him she allowed it. If your husband and your daughter are close he should understand her desire to get to know her father even though he may be hurt at first. If he grills her about what she talks to her father about it will drive a wedge between them. I saw in a later post that you said you daughter was 15. When I was 15 I felt that I was old enough to make many of my own decisions and if I felt that someone was trying to come between me and my father I would have rebelled against that person. So if your ex is just out to be abusive to you and your children hopefully your daughter will see that and then wait another 5 years and check back with him then to see if he has grown up at all.