If you caught your friend cheating, would you tell their partner?

There is no way that I would get in the middle of their affairs. I would let them know right up front that I was not comfortable being let in on their little secret and in a nice, but very direct way, I would ask that I be removed from their list of willing ears with regard to the situation.

I would not go to the spouse, but I would confront the cheater. And if they refused to change their ways, there is a good chance that I would stop being their friend. I have enough friends that I can choose to spend time with the ones who value other people, and care about what is right and wrong.

It's interesting that you posted this discussion. I have gone through the same thing with my best friend. Her husband was cheating on her, and I had proof. I didn't tell her about the cheating, because of the fact that she wasn't emotionally able to handle something like her husband cheating on her. As much as I love her, she is my adopted sister, I couldn't hurt her with news like that. My boy friend and I discussed telling her about the evidence, but we decided that it wouldn't help anything as she was so in love with the man she wouldn't have accepted the information or the proof. About two years later she finally had to accept the fact that he was possibly cheating on her, and he finally admitted to it. If the person is open to discussing the situation, I would present the evidence. Otherwise I wouldn't open the can of worms. News like that is something that can break up a friendship...and it would make you the bad person for telling the party something that they didn't want to hear. I've had it happen with a very good friend of mine, she didn't appreciate the information, and even when she discovered what I told her was the truth, she didn't apologize or recognize me as being a living breathing member of the human race. I certainly wouldn't confront anyone in public. When the opportunity presented it self, I would take the person aside and talk quietly to them about what I observed and wait for the explanation. I would suggest strongly to the person that they present the information to their partner, or after a given time I would inform them. At least I would hope that is what a person would do...I am still not sure that I would want to take on the position of informant about someone else's infidelity. I do think it would depend on the circumstances.

I used to be a victim of malicious reporting to my wife about my alleged infidelities. My wife never believes them but it made me see that there are people who are out to break up your marriage and I would never place myself in the situation where I would be the bringer of information such as this. Why anyone would put their noses into other people's affairs is beyond me.

The quickest way to lose a friend is to get involved in anything whatsoever to do with their romantic relationships. If the friend confided in me, I would keep it to myself and advise them if they asked for my advice. For some reason, people prefer to believe their romantic partner over their good friends. I wouldn't consider confronting them because frankly, how they choose to live their lives isn't any of my business.

I think not because its their life. They have to know the things their doing and they have to plan their lives as how they wanted it to be. If my friend, whose cheating ,is really one of my closest friends well, id rather talk to him/her and remind him/her that what he/she is doing is perfectly unacceptable.

hi jenrl...what a situation!!! in my case no i wont confront them..but ill see to it the my friend sees me so that it will serve as a warning that somebody knows his/her secret...which means that his/her spouse will sooner or later knows about the infidelity thing...

hello jenrl17, If they're already married, I think I should talk to my friend regarding what I saw and ask about it. If she'll tell me that she/he is only a friend then I must believe her/him. But then again, I will remind her/him that she/he is married and that she/he should not cheat to her/him. After that, I will leave all to her/him. She/he is already old enough and know what is right and best for her/him. It's his/her life and he/she will deal with it whatever his/her decision. I did my part as a friend and that's it.

I totally agree with all you said. I had a situation like this happen to me years ago now. I saw a co-workers husband in a compromising sitauation and when she asked me at one point if I had seen anything I told her. How could I not? Then I proceeded to get alot of negative feedback from other workers who had also seen things and didn't think I should have said anything. They felt I should have kept my mouth shut. To be honest I probably would have if she hadn't ask me point blank if I had seen something. It was something I played around with in my head and was actually alittle relieved when she asked me about it because I had been trying to decide what to do about it.

I think with me it would depend on if she was my best friend or just a friend and how well I knew her husband or boyfriend. If I were really good friends with them or not. I think mainly if she was just friend and I didn't know their husband or boyfriend really well, I would mind my own business. Especially if you don't know the whole situation.

My approach to this situation would depend on how close we were and what type of persosnality my friend has.One thing though is certain that I would never appraoch my friends partner without talking to him first .So I would approach him and talk about it first and I would choose my words carefully so as not to aggravate him especially if I knew his personality was explosive. The only way I would approach his partner is if I was somewhat concerned about his life or his partner and this would be after repeatedly talking to him to no avail.Lets say he was cheating with someone who I knew had a partner who would bodily harm him or if the girl was someone infected with aids .

I have caught a few of my friends doing cheating, but I never reports to them parents but I'll advice them.

If I found out my friend was cheating i would try my best to get her to stop. No matter how hard a relationship is. If you don't like it, then you need to get out of it. You shouldnt cheat. Because no matter what, everyone gets hurt that way. The best thing to do is end the relationship, then go on with another. If thats what you choose to do.

I think you should not tell your partner because we all tell things to people that we don't even think about sometimes and if you would and she/he would tell someone that could hurt you and your friend's relationship

I absolutely would not tell their partner if they were cheating. While it is not a behavior that I condone, it is also none of my business what somebody else is doing. That said, I wouldn't stand by and do nothing. I would confront my friend, without being judgmental, and encourage her to either stop cheating or tell her partner. I would just try to be there for her and listen to her, so that she would have someone to vent to while she figures out what it is she wants out of life, or rather who she wants to be with.

i would stay out of it for sure. i learned the hard way not to get involved. years ago a friend of mine had a boyfriend and he was at a party that i was at. he came over to say hello and when one of my friends walked away he pushed himself up against me and kissed me. i pushed him away and asked how he could do such a thing and he just snickered. the next day i went to my friend's house, she was my best friend by the way, and told her what happened. she was really upset and then he came over and told a completely different story and made it look like i kissed him and she believed him. it ended our friendship until about 3 years later when she was going out with someone else and she came to me and apologized for believing him instead of me. it hurt that she did not believe me because i am fiercely loyal but i got over it.

No I would mind my own business. I think that is a sure fire way to destroy a friendship. They will get their ownselves caught in time. I wouldn't get involved because there is going to be way too much emotion involved and anytime there are strong emotions involed it is dangerous territory.

I guess friendship would dictate that I don't go directly to my friend's partner but I would definitely talk to my friend about the cheating she is doing. I would tell her straightout that I would never betray her but that I strongly disapprove her cheating on her partner.

I don't know what you mean by "its obvious theyre cheating..." Seeing the subject friend once or twice with a person who is not his/her spouse would not raise any alarm bells with me. I would give them the benefit of the doubt and consider such meetings as pure chance or job-related. A third meeting, however, would be too much of a coincidence. But I will not jump to conclusions as yet. In fact I would try to join the table of my friend who is with the other person. I will act naturally and try to get more details of the person, the reason for the third meeting, potential future meetings, dates, venues, etc., all indirect, all diplomatic, all James Bond style, to avoid embarassing my friend. If both my friend and the other party would show embarassment, then that will raise further alarm bells. But since I have no reason for any conclusion beyond the fact of the three meetings, I will talk to the spouse of my restaurant-going friend and try to get him/her to get out more often together with each other, to get more involved with each other, and to provide a little bit more tender loving care to the other person who has been "having dinner with someone..." Again indirect, diplomatic, James Bond style, if you know what I mean. Under the circumstances you have cited, that is as far as I will go.

i wouldnt tell the partner because its really not my place to. Unless my friend ask me to or Im friends with the partner and I think that he/she is a good person other than that it should be the responsibility of my friend to let the partner know whats going on.