Crappy, Cruddy, Friendships

I'm not sure that it isn't just a sign of the times. Look at the way people on this site view "friendship". A Friend request merely opens a dialogue that might lead to a friendship, and I would like to think that a number of the people I regularly interact with here are friends, in a somewhat abstract, distant way. But a lot of people here seem to think that simply accepting a request makes a friend, and an awful lot of them state openly that they will accept anyone as a friend because it means potentially better earnings on Mylot. One idiot (who seems now to have disappeared from the site) boasted he had made over 1000 "friends" here on Mylot (that discussion is also gone lol). This attitude can't be restricted to this context, surely? If so many people have the view that friends are merely a resource, to be drawn on as and when needed, then what hope have we? It seems to be a development of the economic belief that the only true and valied motivation is self-interest, which is just plain wrong, but a lot of silly people buy into it. There was some good advice above by pergammo, "take stock of who you are, then demand those same qualities in the persons YOU choose as friends!" There are worthwhile people who will be real friends, it's just a little harder these days to find them. Lash

More than likely it is because you are a kind and compassionate person...always a soft place for these miscreants to land! I can only suggest that possibly you should take stalk of "how wonderful you are" and choose your friends...not them choose you! Yes, there is hardly greater pain, than when a friend (so-called) uses you...and DUMPS you! A friend (I thought) of 22 years dumped me (I saved her life many times, financially, morally, etc.,) and the pain still hasn't gone away, but I learned to be more selective on chosing friendships! I now have lots of acquaintenances, who would like to use me---I put the brakes on! My NOW friends are on equal footing! Chin up....don't stop being kind,warm & compassionate...be selective and get to know these people better before letting them into your world!Have a serene Sunday!

Don't blame yourself. The people who want things out of you or want to use you in some way appear to be the most perfect of friends until they get what they want. It is easy to be fooled especially if you are an nice, compassionate easy going person. I have seen this so many times and it taught me not to trust people until they had proved they were trustworthy. It is hard to avoid this type of friend. The best you can do is to work out what you want in a friend and then find people who are like that. You need people who share your interests and who are easy going like you. It can be very stressful and it hurts especially if they abuse your friendship. Sometimes being too helpful can be a problem as this sort of person will always take what you offer and try and get more from you. Keep an eye out for people who actually give not just take. The sorts of people who use are always takers and they hate to give but when they do give they always give less than they get. This is a sure sign of a user.

It seems that we all seem to attract different kinds of people. Myself.. for some reason I attract very odd people that like to do strange things. They all have some sort of mental issue with them. They are really kind people though. Maybe it's your unique magnetic personality that they pick up on? They probably notice that you are too nice and think.. well there's my next victim. It's okay to say NO to people because if you feel that you have to say yes everytime, you're just going to end up doing something that you're not comfortable with, and sometimes really regret those decisions. Let others do something nice for you for once then try being nice after they have. This way they won't do that. You'll notice a huge difference. Good luck Have a good night

Well this happens so much to me that nowadays is hard for me to call people friends. They are most colleagues. That look for me when they need a psychologist and many other things. But when I am the one in need i don´t even look for them anymore cause I know it´s wasting time.

Well i know ur a open kindhearted person But u have to watch out for these people that also includes family too. Ive noticed the only times family members want something they call and when we need something no one has it. Now we have to make a decision on if we live with this or we start telling them no. There are cruel people out there and they will use u if they can. so just watch who u call friend and just be nice in another way without hurting anyone.

It's not your fault, because I'm in the same situation and my mom is too. Don't feel bad about it because we all come in contact with people who try to use us. If you have a nice, caring personality, you can't change that and people will use your kindness for a weakness. Sometimes you just have to cut ties with those kinds of people. Don't let your guard down when it comes to people. I'm not telling you that you can't trust anyone and that everyone is out to get you, but you have to be careful of the people you get involved with. Hope this helps.