In a deep depression
By lagirl1966
@lagirl1966 (709)
United States
January 11, 2009 12:07pm CST
Hi. I am not sure what to say. But I feel like I am seriously losing it. I am shaking like a leaf so it is hard to write this. I have so much stress. Illness everyday, stress from my teenage son, living on practically nothing, waiting to get approved for disability, car is not running, and this neighbor above me (I am in a apartment)making constant noise. Not music or anything but banging, stomping, slaming, well you get the picture. I cannot handle it anymore. I think she makes the noise to make me miserable. My complex office says "she is trying to be quiet" well that is not true! I have lived like this for the past 4 months since she moved in. I have one dream. To get out of here. If any of you can say a prayer for me to find a way to move, please do. I will appreciate it so much. I don't have any money to move with so that is the major obstacle. But when I get approved for my disablity then I will. I just wish I could get my deposit back from this place before I move out. But they dont do it that way. WHat I need is a miracle. For a peaceful life. I placed an add on craigslist (just to see what would happen) for finding a rental that would allow pets (it is hard to find that in my town)and a landlord emailed me back. I just wish I could take it. It sounds so nice. But it is kind of expensive. I am just at my witts end. Please pray for me!
4 people like this
22 responses
@nilzerous1 (2434)
• India
11 Jan 09
And I'll definitely pray for you! You are really going through a tough time - probably, a time that most of us might not even like to dream of! But that's the reality. And you need to really move on.
In past, I have passed through phases of going low! It would come from nowhere, it would force me to think of all the bad aspects of my life. But I had learned to get rid of such thoughts. I write my diary - and even in 2008 - the pages of my personal diary would reflect my feelings - my depressions.
But fortunately, I have managed to get away from those days full of darkness. I know nothing in the world around me has changed during this short interval. The Sun still rises, and those winter winds still blow across my home - and that blue night still comes around me! But I have changed my attitude. I get to realize this is the only way I can change the things, the small world around my insignificant presence - and hopefully - the bigger world that is at this stage beyond my reach!
I tried to look at the things with a different view - never so easy, I know. I tried to keep me engaged as much as possible. At my work place, back home with computer, myLot, mySpace, and what not. Even if I had some free time in my office - I would start writing a new plan for my business, which has not yet materialized. But who cares? This is my plan - my plan to keep me engaged. And it worked.
I can feel the better one arising within me as I'm leaving behind those gray days of my recent past far away.
You need to stand up! You need to believe in your ability! You need to stand up and say, 'Yes! I can'.
May God bless you!
2 people like this
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
11 Jan 09
Thankyou very much. It is hard for me to see that through all the depression, but I will try. Thankyou for the prayer. I hope the someday things will be better. I just wish they were now.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Jan 09
I know what depression is like since I suffer from severe depression. It isn't fun. You have to keep busy and be sure to get some exercise. Try not to dwell on the negative. Work on getting a different place and relieving the reasons for your stress.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Jan 09
I sure do! But I have chronic and severe and have found no medication that helps. Excet one that is too expensive for me and no aid to help pay for it. So, you have to go other avenues. You have to realize it is something you will have with you all your life in some form or another and just learn to live with it.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Dont you ever wish you could just throw the depression away? I know I do. But I have had it all my life and I know I cant throw it away. I know exercise helps so much but I just havent had the energy. Right now it seems like a miracle on getting a new place. But I wont give up. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@suegt31 (165)
• Australia
13 Jan 09
I am so sorry for all your problems. Pleas keep your chin up. Things can only get better. You just need to hang in their. You say you are waiting for disability payments, why are you going on disability payments? Have you tried applying for public housing in your area? Maybe your disability makes you a priority for earlier housing. I too have trouble with rental properties because of my pets. People say get rid of them. No way, they are my babies. I would rather live in a tent than get rid of them. I'm sure you feel the same way. I will pray for you and i really really do hope things start going better for you. I would be interested in hearing from you and how you are doing, i suffer from depression too. Please if your interested send me a friend request. I would love to talk more with you.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
suegt,
Thankyou so much for responding to me! Finally I find someone that feels the way I do about pets and rentals!! I agree. I would rather live in a tent too! My pets are my family. They are my babies to! Thankyou for the friend request. I would love to talk more with you.
1 person likes this
@Lemonjelloyum (317)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Oh Honey, I'm sorry you feel so down. I know what it's like, but I'm seriously trying to take it one day at a time, & to not over complicate my situations. Life doesn't have to be this stressful, sometimes we just need to look at ourselves in a different perspective, to change our way of thinking. Everyone has their problems- if we don't make a big deal out of them... we won't feel so much pressure. I am trying to be more laid back now, & truly try to enjoy the everyday. I do hope you feel better soon. Take care. ^_^
& as for the money problems, I have them too. I'm actually trying to find ways to make extra money every month, you can check out my profile & my blog to see my progress if you like. G/L
1 person likes this
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
15 Jan 09
Thanks for your response. I tend to try to handle as much as I can on my own. But when it gets to much for me I have to ask for help or advice. I don't have any friends where I live, they have moved away. And my family pretty much keeps to themself. So It is just me and my son. So I dont have any adults to talk to about these things. That is why I came on here. I think it is a great place to get advice. I will check out your blog. I sure could use some extra money. The surveys I am doing usually dont pay much. Thanks again
@shalybhe29 (162)
• Philippines
11 Jan 09
I'm sure you can handle everything. . . God will not give you any problem if we cant handle it. . Sure HE is listening to you. . dont feel bad. .just pray. . .
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thankyou. I just keep wondering why he keeps giving me these obstacles. It is so much to bear. I will continue to pray
1 person likes this
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
11 Jan 09
Not a nice way to hail in the new year, is it? Am sending you some blessings and will pray very hard for your physical and monetary recovery. Not sure what else I can do. Things will get better for you. I believe that. Have faith.
All the best and don't worry. Life is too short and too beautiful for that.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thankyou polly,
That is enough. Thankyou. I would just like someone to pray that God will show me the way to find a new home. That is all I want. I can not recover from my ailments. They are permenant. But getting a new home would really help my health. Because then I would be much happier. And it is not just the noise, all the other tenants are just like her. They all make noise. And this apartment is so small we are really cramped. A new home would lift my spirits so much. Thankyou again.
1 person likes this
@sanell (2112)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I am praying that all goes well for you. I understand your feelings and I know how you feel....I am blessed to be living in a home but I am so broke that even if I wanted to try to start over again since I am having troubles with my spouse, I feel like I just can not leave, Mentally I have left a little bit, not so much that I want to necessarily leave the marriage but enough that I want a break.....I want to feel like I have control back in my life, I feel like I do not have any control. He has been needy moreso than ever before and I can not live that way. He knows now and though we are making ourselves better it has been the hardest time for him and also for me but mostly for him. I feel like I am paying for telling him my feelings all the time, this is the first time for me to feel this way, I know that many couples go through this, but it is really hard for me, I hope I get out of this strange feeling, I do not know what my problem is but I know that I am no longer in Depression, it is hard to get over a deep depression, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Sanell,
I am sorry you are going through this. I was in the same situation. And it ended in divorce. And I am glad it did because I was miserable. I have been so much more happier now. Even being alone. Which I don't mind. And my son is much happier now to because there was to much yelling before. He lives with me. He always has. I have not had an easy road though being a single mom. It is the hardest thing in the world. Stay strong. And thanks
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thankyou ambiepam,
I really appreciate it. I feel like I need a miracle. To keep my sanity. So I always turn to prayer.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
12 Jan 09
lagirl1966,
From your post, I cannot help but sense that you sound rather confused and disorganized. I do not blame you for you are having everything coming at you all at the same time. However, you will need to realize that you are not going to help yourself one single bit if you were to continue feeling and going about this way.
You need to first get a hold of yourself and seek out the relevant people. Your problem shows one shortcoming very evidently: Non communication. You need to communicate with people around you. Let your son know what is bothering you and if you are not happy with whatever he is doing - sound it out. If the complex management cannot help with your neighbor's problem, then get the authorities like maybe the police. What about your husband? Can't he help out? You need to be resourceful and see yourself out. As for your illness, get a second opinion if the current doctor and/or medication isn't working. That is provided you have not skipped or missed out on your dosages.
Try and organize things around on your own. Remember to plan ahead and stick to it. If no one is going to do it, then you will have to pick yourself up and do it. I am sure you will feel better once things start falling into place and in order. Accomplishing even small task can be a great encouragement and a good stepping stone.
Last but not least, since you have asked around for prayers, then you will need to remember to seek God and pray for yourself too. For God helps those who helps themselves, first.
So, do take care and have a nice day ahead.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
14 Jan 09
lagirl1966,
Stay positive, look forward and take that very first step to make a change for yourself. Look for alternatives and adapt.
Alternative medication and appropriate dieting against expensive medications. Break the ice and speak to your son instead of remaining quiet. Look for friends, relatives and reliable professionals if you are alone. If he had walked out it is his loss not yours. Hold your head high, chin up and look at the world straight in the eye.
You are a survivor and survivors do not look for defeat.
Take care and be real strong.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Thankyou for your suggestions. I am divorced. He is no help at all he is remarried and still hates me for some reason. Also, my health conditions are permenant and no cures so I have to live everyday in discomfort. I have seen tons of doctors and they all say the same. No cure. Nothing can be done. So that is why I am waiting for disability. As soon as I get approved (I pray) for it, I will use that money to move. But for now I must live in this situation which I feel like it is hell. But I keep praying that it will get better. Thanks for your suggestions. I appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
11 Jan 09
lagirl, sweetie, you're not alone. I've been there for a while now and the past week or two have been another worst for me. Please be strong and hang in there for that's what I'm trying so hard to do too. I had sucicial thoughts a few times especially one night but some how I made it through. I have this attitude of F this and F that because I've had enough. I'm trying to keep in mind that everything has an ending but then again, I'm wondering when the ending of my torment will end then I try to push that thought aside and remind myself that it will come to an end. It will come to an end.
Now as for disability, please get yourself and your son a lawyer. It's the only way you're going to get anywhere when it comes to the government. My dad had to get a lawyer back in his day and it was approved the following month. The lawyer doesn't get paid unless he wins your case and a percentage of what you get from back pay. I can't stress it enough, get yourself a lawyer and then get some ear plugs. Do anything you have to to keep your sanity. Even if it means taking a break in your car or go to a neighbors house that understands your plight and see if they'll let you just sit on their couch for a little while in peace and quiet. Or go to the park and feed the ducks or birds. That's really relaxing and rewarding. Good luck to you!! I will pray for you!! Hugs!!
1 person likes this
@Fortunata (1135)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Yes, I will pray for your, friend. It sucks that people have to wait to get on disabiity. I sincerely hope you move and find a nice, peaceful place. Some people just don't care about other people when it come to making noise. God Bless you, and good luck.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Thankyou fortunata,
I always wondered why people are so cruel. Maybe I will get an answer to that someday. I just wish she was kind. Thankyou
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Dear heavenly Father, I pray for my friend here on the internet. I don't really know her, but Lord, I know that you know everything about her. You even have the hairs on her head numbered. You see her situation. You see her depression. And you also see the faith she has in You. There is nothing about her that is hidden from Your eyes. You know that she is searching for a way out of her situation. Lord, we believe that with you all things are possible and all you would have to do is speak, Lord and it would be so. We pray that you would do this for her. We pray that especially your will would be done in her life. This may be a solution that we do not see. But your ways are higher than ours and more than likely, you will surprise us in the way you answer this prayer, Lord! Give her a peace that passes all understanding. Help her to be content in her situation as she waits upon you with hope and anticipation. Give her a love for this neighbor who has made things difficult for her. Help her to see this person as you see them. Show her how to radiate your love for this person, even though she may not feel like doing so. Again, we pray for your will to be done.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I have been in depression in my life and my heart hurts for you. But I know that God loves you and has plans to prosper you and not to harm you! He is not out to get you. He can give you all the strength you need. You did the right thing by reaching out to others!
God bless you and keep you. heidi
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Yes I am. I believe prayer is so healing. Thankyou so much for your prayer. It will really help me.
1 person likes this
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Thankyou Heidi
Your prayer made me feel a little better. It is hard to think of her that way because she has made my life difficult, but I will try. I do pray every night that things will get better. I know they will.
1 person likes this
@greycat (8)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Hi, First of all I must tell you that you have a beautiful cat. I suffered from depression and anxiety about 5 years ago. We had just moved from a place we had been in for 18 years. We bought a house, my youngest son left home, our dog passed away and our beloved cat that was 20 years old passed away. Everything piled up at once. I was filled with stress about everything. It went on for a couple months and then got really bad that I was not sleeping,I couldn't eat and was just barely able to keep going. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep going to work or for that matter keep going on with life. One day I was so deeply depressed that I called a person at work who's job was to help people out in situations like this. When I talked to her she immediately could sense that I needed help. She got me in to see a person at mental health center that dealt with people that were depressed. Anyway this person helped me first of all by listening and talking to me and explaining that sometimes a person needs to take medication to lift themselves out of depression and anxiety. I got some medication that helped right away for the depression and anxiety. I was also put on medication that would help for a longer time but took a while to start working. That night after seeing this person I slept good for the first time in weeks. The next day I was able to eat. The temporary medication helped me to cope until the other medication kicked in. Do not let yourself get to deeply depressed. If you can see a health professional and they will help you. They gave me samples of the the one medication because I could not afford it. The other medication was very inexpensive. Now many of the medications are in generic form and are very inexpensive. It was very hard for me to go and see someone about my depression. But now looking back I wish that I would of gone sooner. I was able to recover and go off the medication and am doing fine now and enjoying my life and am able to cope with difficult times. Do not be afraid to go for help. Life is too short to feel that way. I know exactly how you feel. I was always one that didn't believe in medication for this type of thing. But sometimes a person needs help. Don't be afraid to reach out and get help. I felt the same way. I felt I could not go on. I couldn't handle it anymore and felt like I was loosing it. After I got help I was able to think clearly and take care of things and was able to cope with things. I was able to live again.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Greycat,
Your kitty is so beautiful! I am sorry that you had such a bad time in your life, but I am happy that you are doing good now. I am on medication for the depression. Actually I just saw my doc and she uped the dosage. I had the breakdown before I took my medication for that day, which was dumb. But I take it early everyday now. It does help better than the other meds I was on. But I still do get depressed. I don't think any medication can take all of the depression away. Especially if your life isnt the greatest and if you have struggled. Which I have. I am also still in a way greiving for the loss of my dad. And my other kitties that have passed. And my health is not good. So These everyday stuggles tend to make me depressed anyway. I thankyou for your post. I think if my living situation would improve I would be so much more happier. Not extremely happy, but happier. Hugs to your kitty!
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
18 Jan 09
Hi greycat,
I am sure as things get better my depression will get a little better. It is just when bad things happen to me I get so depressed. My doctor upped my dosage and I do feel a little better but I don't think I will ever be not depressed. I think it will always be there. The medication never takes it all away. I wish you good luck in your journey!
@greycat (8)
• United States
16 Jan 09
Hi, I had several bad things happen to me in a short period of time and it must of drove me over the edge. Anyway I am now doing good. I still take medicine but a smaller dose. I went off the medicine once and after a short period of time I could feel the feelings of anxiety and depression coming back. Now i make sure that I take my medicine every day. I hope that your situation gets batter and eventually you can move to a better place. That should help you feel better. I hope that happens soon for you. I am glad to hear that you are on medication and that it is helping you.
@mikkymyde (182)
• Nigeria
11 Jan 09
Hey..don't get yourself stressed all worked up..i understand how you feel but you need to be patient abit and calm down before taking any decision on this..I like your faith because you believe that prayer can do all things..I will pray for you
1 person likes this
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thankyou. And thanks for the prayer. I just hope I will be able to get out of here soon. Thanks again.
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Not hard to imagine what you are going through. I too am having financial problems. I am at the point were I know I am developing another ulcer. I am praying all the time but things just keep getting progressively worse. I have physical pain because I am stressed to the point of doing something drastic. I can't take this anymore. And I see no solution in sight.
Just a few months ago I planned on opening a restaurant, now I can barely feed myself. I am living day to day and I am severely depressed. I can no longer shed tears to let it out and it hurts so bad. I have four days left until all my earthly possessions are auctioned away by the storage facility I put them in, after I lost my home in April. I am literally losing it. I do not know what to do or where to turn. My stomach is burning right now just writing this.
You are not the only one. I keep saying to myself I know there are people doing worse than me and dealing with it but that is giving me no consolation whatsoever. I will include you in my prayers as well cause I know so many of us need some help now. Please take care of yourself!
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Thank you. I am feeling a little better today. Still doesn't change what is about to happen. I need a break real soon!!
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
shamsta,
I am so sorry for what you are and have gone through. You have it worse then me I think. I am in daily pain to due to my intestinal conditions. And stress causes more pain. So I know how you feel. Please try and hang in there. I believe that good people are blessed eventually. I am better today but I still wonder why these bad people always get away with everything and the good people have to suffer. I am going to pray for you that things get better asap for you. And Please, dont give up and take care of yourself!!
1 person likes this
@MAMABLAZE (242)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Hello to you lagirl, I will say many prayers for you. Just hang in there, I have had many a day in my life where I have felt these feelings you're experiencing. We could all use a miracle now and then but they are far and few between. I've also had that really loud neighbor. I have been in the no money to move boat for a very long time now and it doesn't look to change anytime soon for me. My teen is no longer a teen. I have two cars in my driveway that are not running and more debt than I have ever had in my life. We have much violence in our area which used to be the good side of town.And will not be getting our deposit returned when we do get to relocate just like you. So you see that you are not alone in your struggles we are just a couple of people out of many suffering the same problems. Remember there are many others out in the world who actually have it worse than us. The most important thing is that you hang in there. There has to be some kind of light at the end of the rainbow...right? My prayers are with you...Mamablaze!!
@MAMABLAZE (242)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Your welcome dear just keep doing your thing. You never know sometimes good things happen to those who wait. That's such a wonderful quote I do hope there's truth in it...Mamablaze!!
@thebalance116 (9)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I will pray for you and send good soothing thought. I were in your position a few years ago. I asked God why me. Then I realized that everything happen for a reason even the negative thing. The negative thing make us stronger in tough time remind what we have to strive for in this world. I truly believe the nightmare soon be over you will HAVE A BRIGHTER, BLESSING DAY BE STRONG.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
13 Jan 09
I hope you are right. I will try and stay strong. It isn't easy. Thankyou
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I will pray for you as well and I can not give you nothing but hope
Never deprive anyone of hope it may be all they have
just remember "This too shall pass"
PS record the noise going on upstairs and then let the apartment office here it
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I hope you are right. I hope it will pass. I have a feeling it wont till I can get out of here. What I need to do is be patient and wait. I am trying! Thankyou
@justicescomrade (29)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I dont know exactly how you are feeling, since i am not in your situation. but i would just advise you to take it slowly, one thing at a time. overstressing can lead to some bad consequences. I very much so hope you can get into a new rental,(especially one that would allow pets) i love my pets. Then i hope the government would approve your disability pay. So i am only 16, not out of the house yet so i cannot imagine the stress you are dealing with, but i hope you come out of it fine.
remember take one thing on at a time.
@lagirl1966 (709)
• United States
7 Feb 09
Hi. I am trying not to over stress. But it is hard. I have had a difficult life and remember when I was sixteen. Treasure these years and take care of your health. I wish I would have. Thanks for responding. It really helps when people like you care enough to write and give support. It actually makes me feel a little better. I am praying everyday that I will get approved for disability, and that soon after I can move into a nice place. I know I have to be patient. And what helps is having my son with me and my cat. Thanks alot and take care of your health because if you don't have good health, you don't have anything.