Unwanted friendship

It is unfortunate when these situation arise. If I were you I would simply become busy. Just be unavailable for extra circular activity. Get call display and avoid certain phone calls. Sounds harsh but it will help to solve the problem. At work, begin to mingle with other co workers so that in time, you will be having lunch with others, Perhaps keep the problem to yourself but engage in friendship with others at work. Then arrange to go off the property for lunch. Spring and summer is coming, so asking someone else to go outside for lunch would be a pleasing opportunity. Do not take her calls. You're busy. Since she obviously doesn't come to your home, make like you are so busy remodelling, painting or that you are now raising birds or fish. Be somewhere else, whether you are or not. Just don't answer for awhile. Or change your number. That can be a hassle, especially if you have had it for a long while. When she asks, just tell her that you were having some harassing phone calls so you were recommended to change the number. If she asks for it just say no, since the last experience, I am only giving my number to family. She doesn't need to know otherwise. I hope one or more of these suggestions help. I understand your position and is not an easy one.

I echo others' statements. Be busy, and treat her like an adult, not like a kid. Just because she is being particularly friendly to you, doesn't mean that you HAVE to be exclusively friendly to her - sit down at other tables once in awhile. If it bothers you, act as if you have something in particular to say to someone at that other table - smile and nod at your friend, but go up to someone else and comment on something that you might be doing that afternoon.

I guess these things do happen. I have a friend who used to follow me around and talked endlessly. She is such a nice person but sometimes, she can be quite irritating. I didn't want to hurt her feelings but time came when I have to get away from her or lose my sanity. I avoided her and after a couple of weeks, I guess she finally accepted the fact that I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I know that she was hurt and she told me that much but I needed to get away from her before I go crazy.

Hi Jo, This is always a very tough situation. It's very annoyingbut you want to be nice about it so as not to hurt feelings unnecessarily. The problem is that these type of people don't take hints and worse yet, don't want to hear the truth. I think the best solution would be an honest email. That way, you won't have to approach the problem at school. One thing you might do is tell her that you must make your own lunch because of your difficulties with your jaw. Good luck my dear friend. I'd hate to be in your shoes right now.xoxoxo leenie

Hey cobrateacher! That is such an uncomfortable position to be in! I hate when there is no way out of something like that and you just have to sort of grin and bare it! I don't really know what to tell you because you pretty much have answered the questions yourself already! It doesn't seem like you have too much choice, at least for the lunchtime thing. As for the calls at home, you don't have to take those if you have caller ID! Or if your husband can answer them and make up some excuse so you start talking to her less and maybe she will slowly get the hint! Other than that I don't know what to tell you when it is someone you have to see every day it really makes the situation alot harder to ignore!

Sometimes it's hard to be nice. That I understand. I think you are a very sweet person to think of another one over yourself. I have two "friends" that are like this. One is a bit of a whiner, where anything that happens to her, her life is over. The other is a crier and when she's worn out her welcome with another friend from our circle, it's the next one's turn. To be honest, if one of our friends weren't dating her we'd told her to jump off a bridge a long time ago. So, I do know alittle bit. I think first thing to know is what is the mental mantality of this person? Is this a person that you can say something to and they'll actually listen? Or will they brush it off and somehow turn the conversation back towards them? If they're a conversation turner or their light bulb isn't the brightest, you might just have to sever ties there and call it good. Hurt feeling or not. You've had a work relationship before, so there isn't any reason that you can't keep it just business. If she's offended that you have your lunch at another table, just tell her the truth. I think it's much better to do that then being nice back. To be honest, this will give her a false hope that you really are friends. You don't have to make excuses. If you want to have lunch with other people, just tell her today you're sitting over here. Then make a habit of it. Sometimes being too nice can not only hurt you, but them too.

Well I guess just be there for her in her most challenging times in life. I think she just needs your time to heal from her grief she is experiencing right now and the fact that she is approaching you for comfort then there must be something that she finds in you that is comforting her life and I think you should be appreciative of that. Extending yourself for her at the time of her grief was good enough maybe guiding her to herself would be best if you would continue to extend yourself for her. I guess there is nothing wrong with that. What do you think why you feel strangled by her generosity? Because for me I do not see anything wrong with her friendly gesture towards you.

As I can sense, I think that woman has a feelings for you. I think she likes you so much so she wanted you always. I know that is difficult for you to just leave her. I think you invite more friends who will also join you. And after that you can just make excuses later not to join here atleast she already had new friends.

If I were you I would tell her the truth; that you don't mind being her friend but she is being too overbearing for you. Since she lost her husband you could possibly get her interested in a support group for people who have lost their spouses. Anything to pique her interest could help as well; church, the local YMCA/YWCA, a singles group, anything really. Just try to be sensitive to her feelings while telling her the truth at the same time. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best with you and your co-worker.

I would just have to tell her one of those times she called how you felt that she was being over bearing with the friendship and that is not the kind of friendship that you want of course I am the type of person that you never have to wonder whats on my mind but I would tell her over the phone if she seems to be the crazy type but I would not let my self suffer from this just tell her that seems to be the only way to handle things like this

I empathise with this, because I'm a very insular person and hate being 'pushed' into doing things I don't want to do rather than hurt someone's feelings. My parents are the same, and I remember a neighbour once hounding my mother so badly she ended up having to be rude. The woman had the habit of waiting until we were leaving for school, then trotting across the road and staying there chatting and drinking coffee - on a couple of occasions she was STILL THERE when we returned from school! Poor Mum was desperate not to hurt this woman's feelings, and one day told her she wouldn't be able to stop for coffee for a couple of weeks as she was doing a BIG springclean and would be busy - she was hoping this would break the woman's habit. It didn't make any difference - and when Mum saw the woman heading across the road the next morning, she went out on the step and shouted at her to 'Go away - and not come back!' It sounds hilarious now - but it was very upsetting. The good thing was, the woman never came over again - but it made for a nasty feeling in the street. I think it's probably best to gird your loins (so to speak) and tell your colleague you like using your lunchbreak to catch up on some reading, as you have no time for that at home. You can take a book with you and stick your nose in it. I always do that if I have to eat alone in a cafe - it's like putting up a 'do not disturb' sign!

That's sad on her part and irritating on your part. Well, you'll have to tell her frankly but gently. At times you'll have to be straightforward to others for them to understand that you mean what you say. This is to stop prolonging the agony, It would hurt at first but make her understand why you're doing it, that you are feeling "strangled". If she is sensitive enough, she'll understand. Cheers.

I'll go to the next table. There is no point in being with her if you are not comfortable and as far her feeling bad goes, it is going to happen one day or the other if she doesn't correct her self any way so why to bother?

She might just need someone to be there for her to talk to, you can politely turn down her offerings for lunch and the such by telling her no thank that you I can bring your own. Sometimes being straight forward works best. I wouldn't recommend you ignoring her because that can hurt her and probably make the situation a lot more akward being that you to have to work together. It's a good thing she asked if she can bring you lunch instead of just putting you on the spot and bringing you some so she probably wouldn't take it personal if you said no thank you.

HI Cobrateacher, it means you are a sensitive person and that this person who was feeling like drowning grasped to you in order to survive. This post also shows you are an altruistic loving person and a really true friend. However I do understand that you need your own space and that she does not invade your privacy. I would try to encourage her to make more friends, going to social activities where she can mingle with others, perhaps even find and meet a decent guy. Than I am sure the telephone calls will become less frequently until she occupies herself with a hobby or another man.

Can't you have a private talk, tell her you value her friendship, but that you feel uncomfortable with friendships that are to close. Be very kind but firm. Why put all this energy into trying to solve this problem, time to deal with it straight on. Just my advise.

I thin it is better to speak to her openly how you you feel with her activities.Let you be strict to limit herself without disturbing you.Doesn't she have other friends or relatives?Why should not you ask her to mingle with others in the office too.Is she embarrasing you more?Does she see a mother in you?