How do you get someone to give you what you need as much as you give them?
By idowrite72
@idowrite72 (2213)
United States
January 11, 2009 7:48pm CST
What I am trying to find out is this.....if you are a giver in a relationship and it seems that you are constantly giving and giving but feel that you aren't getting much in return, are you with the wrong person? Or is there some way that you can get that other person to give you some of those things that you want from them that you are giving to them? Some payback, or whatever you want to call it. It can be draining to figure out how to get something out of a relationship instead of always being the giver. It seems to be lopsided and not a give and take that way. What do you think?
2 responses
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
14 Feb 09
I think that being expressive about what you need is very important.I think it's ok to be the giver but if your the only one giving I think it's a waste. I am very open about what I need within the relationship and i think this helps with letting the significant other know where they stand at the same time.
1 person likes this
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
14 Feb 09
Thanks, JenInTN! I am in a strange relationship that has been going on for a long time and suddenly my feelings just seemed to get stronger and I think I've scared him with them! I've wanted things to change but he wants them to stay the same. It's been a rocky thing, but I also don't want to lose him. I am so pathetic....but thanks so much for your response. You do make a lot of sense, as do my gal pals who tell me to let him go.........easier said than done!! Thanks!!
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
14 Feb 09
Your not pathetic! Your in love! The girls always tend to tell their friends to get rid of them but don't do it unless your ready. Sometimes it just takes a little time. Unless your hurting there is nothing wrong with putting forth effort but giving all the time is no fun. Just be honest with him and things will work out whether your with him or not.
1 person likes this
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
20 Feb 10
I really was pathetic and NOT in love the way I wanted to be! In this relationship NOW it is so different, but still NOT the way I would totally like it to be, but much better than what I had a year ago when I posted this discussion. What you wrote here makes so much sense, and even more so NOW, when I can talk so much more openly with this guy, since I am REALLY in love with him and not thinking I was like last year! (make any sense?? LOL) Thanks again for your response!
@Duglaiglas (150)
• United States
10 Feb 10
Wow!!! Good quest...
My initial thoughts are several. Speaking as a man - and in general.
Men aren't taught to give - we learn out of coersion b/c mommy wanted us to play nicely. We do give out of respect, and appreciation - but it's more a reflecion of how we view ourselves. Let's use a compliment, for example:Girls say (to each other)... you look great; men say... "Wow, dude!! Your girl looks great" (and then the punch in the mouth comes) - if they are really, really, really, really close; he might be able to get away with the comment/compliment.
Traditionally, men don't try to take each others girl....that's a dog, a pig, a bum, a whoremonger - whatever you wanna call 'em; but, NOT A MAN.
(Dangerous grounds)
When we value something, we have to learn to appreciate it; it's not instantaneous.
It comes off initially as an implied action - but one that gets old really quick.
But here...
The importance of being a giver is pretty paramount... and then learning who is a worth-while receiver. YOU MUST LEARN THE GUYS LANGUAGE - we all have one. What are you givng to... what is your giving supposed to produce, change?!?
Bad idea - no win situation for sure. Start at the top again. smile!!Learn to give from the heart - that way you won't expect it to do something for you (as an affirmation of yourself or your giving) and he won't (can't) abuse it.
If he's smart, he will see the REAL POWER behind what you do!!
Blessings!!
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
20 Feb 10
Thanks so much for your comments! It's amazing that it makes so much sense and I am in an entirely new relationship that is so different and isn't so one-sided and yet still isn't where I WANT it to be, but what relationship is?? lol Again, thanks........I do appreciate your imput!!
