Making a lifetime decision
@lovespecialangel (3632)
United States
January 11, 2009 10:06pm CST
As most of you who has read my latest discussion knows, my husband and I have recently separated. Things don't look good for us and I don't think we are going to be able to work things out. At least that's how it feels right now. So, I have made a decision about my life. I am taking a permanent break from dating. I am thirty-two years old and am making the choice to never date again. I have three children and I just can't see putting them through all of the pain again. I have learned that the men in my life just don't stay or don't do right, so why go through it. Why cause my children and myself pain when it can be avoided? I just can't go through seeing them hurt anymore. I can handle the pain because I know it will eventually go away and time will heal. But to put the kids through this kind of pain again? Wouldn't that make me a bad mom? Shouldn't I protect them from all harm? Including broken hearts when I can?
4 people like this
12 responses
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
12 Jan 09
lovespecialangel, I haven't read your discussion about your separation. I hate that is has come to you and your children. It's hard on the kids,as well as the mother. My daughter was left with 4 just 9 years ago. She was only 29 1/2. She has went on with her life, raising her kids, keeping them busy in sports. She tried dating awhile, but she's content to stay at home and take care of her kids when she's not working. If she ever met the right man, she would probably get married again. Her youngest just turned 13. She's always said nobody would want a woman with 4 kids. Hopefully, both of you will find the right man some day and live happily ever after!
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Well, I hope she does find someone to love her and her children. As for me, it's not going to happen. I'm not going to even date anyone. I just don't want to take the chance that my kids will get hurt again. Thank you!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
12 Jan 09
[i]Hi angel,
wow..you're a very responsible, caring and loving mother! YOu put your child's welfare first. I admire that!
I know it's not easy but having your child with you, I know you can surpass all the trials in life!
Take care and good luck!
This post will give an inspiration to some women who are in the same situation as you![/i]
2 people like this
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thank you. I have always put my kids first. They are the most important part of my life. You are right, as long as I have my kids, I can do anything.
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
hello lovespecialangel,
Indeed your children will also get hurt if they see your situation. Since you and your husband separated dealing with it really is hard. It's not only you that is suffering even your children. They need a father for sure but it doesn't mean that dating someone again will solve your problem.
And your decision of not taking any date permanently I guess is the best for now. You don't need to have one just because you're already separated. Sometimes that will make another problem, don't get me wrong for I knew a lot of people having problem the second time around. If not for the money he is after to, is for the daughter. So think again, for your daughter's safety.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
12 Jan 09
yes, as a mother, you should always try to protect your children. there will be a time in life that you can't always do that. when i divorced my first husband, i din't take the time out for myself and heal my wounds from a failed marriage. i dated someone and within a year, i married him. we've had our problems over the last few years, there have been times i wonder why i even married him. now that the kids are older, they're starting to ask me the same questions i ask myself. don't forget that you still need time for yourself to be just you. let the kids go to a friends' house one weekend night, soak in hot bath till the water turns cold and watch your favorite movies uninterrupted. those moments go a long way when the kids are getting on that last nerve and you had a bad day at work.
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
..you're right and I salute you for making that decision.. Anyway, you have kids whom you could share your laughters with so you don't need to be in a relationship again that could possibly hurt you more and your kids.. just move on.. everything will be alright.. If you believe in God, it will be helpful for you to pray and read God's words.. that's what I usually do when I'm met with difficulties and heartaches.. god bless..
2 people like this
@lovespecialangel (3632)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Thank you both very much! I do believe in God and have placed my life in his hands. I know I'm not alone. I have my kids and they are what keeps me going in this life. They are my world. Thank you very much!
1 person likes this
@I_am_yours_06 (185)
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
Yes, you're right you'll have to protect your kids from all harm, including your broken hearts..Its not easy being hurt especially if you give yourself much.. But we still can't predict the time, you're stil 32 years old you can still encounter a lot of things, who knows you'll forget what you feel right now.. Lifetime decision is not really easy but if you're determine to decide then be busy with your children and other activities that make you feel good always.
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I went thru the same feelings when my hubby left and well now i am happily remarried. Just let things fall the way they will. Your kids are stronger then you think just give it time.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
12 Jan 09
You are right as far as preventing your kids from being put through that kind of pain. An adult can work through the pain as hard as it is to do that. It would affect your kids to have you start dating. It would turn their world upside down even more than it has been turned upside down now. There are a lot of women out there not all that wouldn't take in consideration what the kids are going to feel. I am not saying that makes them a bad Mom just a Mom who seems to be looking at herself and forgets that the kids get affected by a divorce and the Mom going out and dating. You are the best Mom because you are looking at how you going out with other men will affect your children. You are looking at what is in their best interest and I think that is a very good thing.
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
12 Jan 09
I think that you should leave it to God whether you will be in another relationship or not. I had a daughter by one person that I didn't stay with and then I met a wonderful man who I love very much and have been married to for 14 years. He took the responsibility of my daughter on and eventually adopted her and has been her "dad" now for about 12 years. Just don't give up on all men but don't put your children at risk for being hurt either.
@Frederick42 (2024)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
A decision is very difficult to make. However, if one so certainly feels that all men or women are not for him or her,then it is best not to go in pursuit of a partner. Moreover, children are delicate creatures and we should try our best not to cause them harm, as much as possible.
@zandy985186 (434)
• China
12 Jan 09
Hi,to become a more brave person.Your children all need you.Believe me,everything will turn better.
