Don't Bring Me Down

Never underestimate the value of a good rant. We all have times when we just need to get things off our chest. The great thing about MyLot is that you can get the opinions of not just one person, but dozens of people, each with their own unique perspective. The drawback, as I'm sure you have already discovered, is that you may not always get the answer you want to hear. Even if it is the answer you need. First of all, I'm not going to moralize about the nature of your relationship with this man. I understand how it feels to be alone, and sometimes loneliness can make you do things against your better judgment. I believe that the reason you agreed to this "friends with benefits" arrangement is that you expected you would receive something in return. Love...companionship...a hand to hold...there is nothing wrong with wanting these things. But are you actually getting them? Or are you ending up with more heartache than you bargained for? Let's clarify this relationship, shall we? You started out as friends, then became "friends with benefits", right? Wrong! Whatever he is to you, he is NOT a friend. Friends care about each other. They support each other. Yes, they listen to each other's problems, but it is a give-and-take relationship, not a one-way street. From what I can see, you're doing all the giving, and he's just taking. First it was your friendship, then your body, and now he wants cash??? And this guy is having problems with his wife, but has no qualms about spending her paycheque. It almost sounds as though he is blaming her for the shortfall. (Interesting, though, that they both got shortpaid at the same time. Coincidence?) And what's the deal with this settlement she's supposed to be getting? If this man is having marital problems, maybe you should look more objectively at the possible reasons for this. So far your sympathy has been with him, but maybe he is not as blameless as he would have you believe. Using two women at one time? The guy is smooth. If he was truly sincere about trying to help himself or his troubled marriage, he and his wife would have either gone into counselling or divorced years ago. But some people in the world not only seem to be surrounded by drama, they thrive on it. And they thrive on getting others caught in the maelstrom. These people are "toxic" and do nothing but bring down your quality of life. You deserve much better. It sounds as though you have a great deal of love and compassion to give. Your time is better spent trying to meet someone who will appreciate what you have to offer and be worthy of these gifts. As for this man, although I can't tell you what to do, I strongly suggest that you end the relationship. He may try to promise you the world if you would stay, but you already know this will never happen. Then once you say goodbye, just cut it off. Do not answer his calls or text messages. Change your phone number if you have to. Do whatever it takes to close this chapter of your life and move on. If his wife is smart, she will do the same thing. At least you aren't legally bound to this man, so you can make a break clean and easy. In that respect you have a great advantage.

If he persists in this hinting technique instead of asking you if you can lend him money, then I would talk straight to him because I really do get the feeling that this is what he's up to. However, he has chosen to stay with his wife, so he has a responsibility outside your relationship with him, so here's how I'd handle the situation. Don't let him lay down all the rules and get the upper hand. It's time for you to speak out! Firstly, if he calls and mentions he's in a bad mood again, because of money problems, especially if he states an amount, then I would ask him if he's looking to borrow money from you, because although you've tried to support him as much as possible, you don't feel that you're responsible for his wife's shortcomings with the finances and time off work, nor his! Secondly, I would be inclined to tell him that this particular matter concerns his marriage and family life, and should be discussed with his wife, not you! You don't owe him a darned thing, other than perhaps your affection. This guy is playing you. Regard his life with his wife, and your life with him as two, separate businesses, if you like. Each has to support its own staff and its own cashflow. If one business starts lending to keep the other afloat, then that one will eventually go bankrupt. Ok, if he wants to talk in a positive way and you're happy with that, then sobeit, but you're not a punchbag... don't lower yourself! Quite frankly, if I were in that situation, then I'd be off like a shot! I couldn't hold any affection for a man who lay his "other life" at my feet... especially not in a way that he made me feel I ought to lend or give him money, but then, I don't know how attached you are to him or how much you can put up with before you run like the wind! It sounds to me as though you've been a very good friend to this guy, and this is how he repays you? No... something's not right here. Brightest Blessings.

You may not want to hear this but you are the one allowing him to bring you down. Whether he pushed the relationship further or you did it is not an appropriate relationship. He is a married man and the relationship should end now. Think about how you would feel if it were your husband. You are bringing the craziness upon yourself. Sorry I can have no sympathy for anyone that chooses to be involved with a married man. Just my opinion. If you do away with the negative things in your life good things will begin to happen. I can say I have lived this for the past few years and I am a happier person because of it. No one but you can choose your friends and you have to stop allowing a married man to take advantage of the situation.

well of course I have and this is where I rant most of the time: mylot and my husband :):) I don't think he's taking advantage of you, he sounds like he does need someone to listen. he did say his wife will get some money but he doesn't say say when. so it's possible she is not getting it soon and they will be in a mess for a few months or longer, who knows. since you do have your on problem, maybe it's time to say it as it is. if you don't feel like talking about his problem then tell him you need to sort things out at your end and will not be available for some time. or just don't reply to his texting.

[i]Hi singlemommy, Maybe just his way to express and let his bad emotions go! I'm not sure..But, there are really people who are like that, a very dramatic and sensitive and loves to just express what they feel.. I experienced that with a friend who is very pessimistic about life, she got married before I do and got 3 kids. Almost everyday, she will visit me and tell me their problems, financial etc and she will be crying hard! I will just listen to her and didn't offer any help since I am the breadwinner of the family and I will be in trouble in my budget if I will take care her problem. I will let her eat and her kids when they will visit me but I will not entertain deeper than that! I've known her since College so I know that when she talked about it, she is implying something! Anyway, I know our presence will help them in a way but you are correct, sometimes, it is just too much to listen since we have our own concerns too![/i]

Its good to rant and get things off your chest. I do have friends like that as well. Sometimes I could be in the best of mood and then my friend would call, and then they would talk of their problem, then that is it, my great day is ruined. I once had this friend, well we barely talk any more, she would call me when she was having problems with her fiance' and then she would ask me what do I think that she should do. Then I would tell her and she would be like, oh that is not what I wanted to hear. Well don't ask my opinion. And then there would be another week that would go by and then she would call me once again with the same problem with her fiance. I hate to be mean to her, but you know, I am happy, I just got married, please don't bring my day down cause you are having a hard time with your fiance and then you ask my opinion and then you don't like the answer. But yeah, I can understand, sometimes now I would just tell her that I am busy and there is no way that I can talk at the time. I think after awhile she got the point and now she doesn't call. Thats another thing I don't like is people only call you when they have a problem, and when they don't have a problem then they barely call you.

Get rid of him and any type of "friendship".It sounds like he's using you, the "poor guy" his wife doesn't understand.... I'd tell his wife too so she can boot his a** out,lol. You don't want to deal with it so why are you? Tell him no more!

You are in a tricky situation, firstly because of your friendship with this guy who is already married and then his constant hankering after money. I think this fellow is just using you, and that you should put your foot down and cut it off once and for all. Its not a nice feeling to be used. When he wants comfort, he comes running to you. Now he wants money and comes running to you. This is not done. If he wants to stick to his wife, he has to stop harassing you and be man enough to face his problems himself. Do not under any circumstances give him money. It will not only become a habit, but he will start expecting it from you. Be careful. Cut loose now. Good luck and may better sense prevail.

Man o Man honey tuck your tail between your legs and take off running in the other direction from him get a way change your number do what ever run run run lol lol that would just be to much for me I am sure you can find you a booty call that isnt married and does not have the drama

my gard i think that he is so selfish,like a friend of mine,i remind of her,we were going to shopping yesterday,we took a fancy at the same time,she talk to me many reasonable for that she insist on to want to the shoes ,at last ,i give it up ,i feel very sorry to my brother,because,i have already to permit to buy the shoes for him.now ,i can't buy it for him.

Dear singlemommy, you´re not alone, I´ve been there a few times, but you know what the problem is, we have the tendency of wanting to fix other people´s problems which is not a bad thing, the negative part is that these people take what we do for granted and sometimes they even take advantage of our kindness, so, don´t be mad becuase you have a good heart just be more aware who you are surounded by.

yes,there are some people who will just bring you down and make use of you,it's too comlicated to say who is your real friend or who is not.you should so "NO" if you know what he is thinking and doing.BTW,I do not think that best friendships exist between men and women,there must be something else there and it may mess you life up.

yes,there are some people they are likely to just bring you down and make use of you.don't let them if you know what they are doing and thinking about.BTW;I do not think the best friendships exist between a man and a woman.there always be something else there and that could mess up

What a man! I'm sure that eventhough he's not asking you, its the same way because he told you for a few times how short he is and his family for money. Its good that you realize that he's not worth it. Come on, there are so many people in the world, i'm sure you'll find someone better than him. And its okey to get angry or pissed. You just forget about him and go on with your life.

Rant away! Sometimes all you can do it rant and let it all out. I know a few people like that who are always trying to bring people down. Don't let him.

He is married so dont be more than friends,he is not your PRINCE CHARMING.You have a great night.

No! It is good to talk (or write) and gets things off your chest. You really do not need to hear all this stuff from him and I would tell him you are sorry but you have enough to deal with and you cannot deal with what he is saying and telling you also. I think he's a bit selfish doing this on you. I know someone exactly like this and when I have problems they always seem to have bigger ones and I cannot deal with it all at times and it really stresses me totally out. I hope you tell your friend and also you do not want to fall out with him over this, but No ones needs this at the monent in time as times are hard enough.