Grandson

Be glad ya get the baby. I got my grand son any time I asked for the kids had joint custady too. But he couldnt get im when he asked ( my son that is) We always bought him clothes an such for we wanted too. But when grandson was a baby they lived with us. SO alot of times we bought the diapers and formula specially when they couldnt afford it.

I'm going to play the devils advocate (not that she's the devil!) But there seems to be quite a bit of the story you left out. I don't think you left it out intentionally, just that for me it raises a lot of questions. Your son obviously has your support. What kind of support does she have? You said she doesn't work but that she's on medicaid/medicare and wic (free formula) Is she on Welfare as well? In other words does she get a state TANF assistance check each month? The medicaid/medicare covers the medical bills of course but thats all. The WIC provides some free items but I guarantee you that it does not cover all the formula, all the baby food nor diapers and clothes. (here it doesn't cover diapers and clothes at all) Even if she is getting a TANF check and getting housing assistance such as section 8 and winter energy assistance such as LEAP), that doesn't mean she's on easy street. I went from having a very good paying job, to living on insurance, to welfare because of a disabling injury. I can tell you that it is VERY tough to live on what they give you. The Federal Poverty Level for a family of three is $1,467 a month. The Washington D.C. based Center on Budget and Policy Priorities put out a report in Nov of 2008 listing the TANF benefits (Cash payments) for each state for a family of three comparing it to previous years. For your state a single parent family of three would receive only $356 per month cash assistance. That has to pay all the bills. Rent (rental assistance only pays a portion) electricity (LEAP only assists with winter heating and the amount is capped) water, garbage, transportation, clothing, toilet paper, diapers, you name it. Ask yourself, how easily could you live on $356 per month and raise a child even if you had none of the usual monthly bills? The amount of cash assistance hasn't changed for your state since 1996. But inflation over that period has by 26.4% For every dollar she would have gotten in 1996 you'd have to take away more than a quarter for what she gets now. or in other words...if she has $300 a month to spend now it would have had the purchasing power of more than $400 then. I can understand why she would be extremely careful not to let herself run out of diapers and formula for the baby. In other words if she were taking the baby to a sitter while she went to say a doctors appointment for herself more than likely that diaper bag does have more diapers, formula and a change of clothes just as it should, just in case. However given that your son has the baby half time it is perfectly reasonable for her to expect him to provide the formula, diapers, wet wipes and clothing while he has the baby even if he didn't have such a good job. As for her accusing your son of stealing the baby's clothes because they weren't sent back immediately so he could wash them, yeah she over reacted. But when you're really struggling just to scrape by then the little things really matter and over reacting is easy to do. So far I've only mentioned the money aspects. Does the girl have any emotional support, any help from her family? So far as I know you're the only one with a wealth of parental experience in this situation. The absolute best thing for this child is a loving relationship with both his parents (& you!) and a peaceful relationship between all of you. This girl no matter what is an always will be the mother of your grandchild. He needs the best of his parents and of you. If there is anyway possible that you can assist this girl, give her a hand up (not a hand out) that's what you need to do for your grandsons sake if not hers. You also need to be smart about it. For all I know the girl isn't and never will be a fit parent. Keep a calender. Keep a journal. Document, document, document. Good, bad and indifferent. Don't tell her you're keeping it, it would only undermine the positive relationship you're trying to establish and build with her for your grandsons sake. But if it ever becomes a situation where your son needs to go back to court to get full custody of the baby, that calendar and journal can be admissible and help your case. Sorry if this is a little long winded, but this is a very important subject and I really would like to see this work out well for you. I wish you all the best.

Hey tsledd! I think the mother is being mean and immature! I think she is purposely not putting anything in the diaper bag because she doesn't want to! She wants the father to buy everything for the baby! She doesn't want to give him anything! She wants to make it as difficult for him as it is for her to show him how angry she is! I guess she is upset that the baby's father doesn't want to be with her too and just wants to be with the baby! She is doing all this stuff out of spite and that is obvious! There isn't anything that you can do! The only person that can do anything is your son! They have to work things out between them and if they can't then the courts can get involved. If she wants to make things difficult for your son it is up to him to deal with her.

Also, why wouldn't she let your son see the baby? I have a feeling there is more to the story. Why did they break up?

Well here is the deal... with the joint custody... sounds like a terrible idea in my own opinion for an infant to be taken from his/her mother for days at a time... I am guessing he doesn't have to be child support? When the Mom runs out of formula, she has to go buy more. Unless your son is giving her money, she will be the only one paying for the formula and diapers. If I am wrong, correct me. Like you, I naturally would make sure my baby had everything it needs, regardless who is paying for it or who my child was with. It would be more of fear my baby would be hungry and Dad (or whoever) wouldn't have any formula to give him.

This is tough to comment on. I do agree that the mother should at least provide formula, clothes and food if needed. Thats stuff that is necessary and you'll shouldn't have to buy. As for diapers and wipes it wouldn't hurt your son to have a pack of each at his place when he comes over. My fiance doesn't live with me and he keeps diapers and wipes at his house to make it easier on me. I will agree with someone elses comment that it sounds like the mother is real immature. She needs to grow up real fast and face responsibility. I don't know the situation that lead to this but this baby is going to have a tough time. I hope they know that and that they are the cause of it as well. All you can do is show that baby as much love as you can. The baby at least needs love more than anything.