Do my instincts serve me right or am I just judgmental?
@mendoza_charissa (41)
Philippines
January 13, 2009 4:31am CST
I guess some people just can't help it, I know I can't. Whenever I meet a new person, I have this automatic tendency to judge her character, and conclude whether she is, in general, a good or bad person. Some call it "instinct," and women claim to have sharper, more developed instincts. Oftentimes I prove myself right, but not all the time. Say, for instance, there's this classmate I had in college that seems so sweet and nice to many of my classmates, but not for me. I couldn't seem to be comfortable talking to her, because it feels as if she's hiding something. To me, she seems "sugar coated," so they wouldn't notice that she's not as sweet as it seems. After a few months, this girl's friends start complaining about her, saying that she's got some attitude problems. I couldn't help but think "Ha! I knew I was right."
But anyway, it's not always the case. There are a few times that I make wrong hunches. Now here's the problem:
I have a friend, and her new boyfriend got her pregnant. When I saw the guy for the first time, I know he's no good. He seems immature, irresponsible, and arrogant. I've heard some negative things about him from my friend's brother. So I'm concerned about this friend of mine, because she might be committing herself to someone that might hurt her someday. What should I tell her? Am I being unfair to her boyfriend?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@ketybhagat (4123)
• India
13 Jan 09
At the moment, love is blind and as she is so besotted with this guy, she will not listen to reason. Besides she is pregnant. Is the boy ready to take responsibility along with her. Its really sad when youngsters go and get themselves pregnant without realising the long term consequences. Try talking to her without raising her hackles. A word of caution, a gentle reminder may work, but not a full blown lecture. Be diplomatic in your approach and do tell her what you think. Thats the best you can do. Good luck to her.
1 person likes this
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
I think you are being unfair. If you see a beggar on the street, he's dirty and quite a mess. Does it give you an idea that he could be bad? That he could steal your bag and run away? That he could beat up to a pulp? Not right? Do you always apply you negative judgment to people who looks good, dresses up so well, smart? Have you checked on yourself that it could be the insecurities that's eating you up?
Let's put our shoes on the one you're judging. Could it be possible that they see you as someone judgmental? If yes, then it's bad right?
I guess the best we can about it is to minimize judging a person by impulse because it just doesn't work that way. Give it time. It's like meat, you need to tenderize it first to be able to savor it's meaty goodness.
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
14 Jan 09
That's tough. I think that you should give it a shot - that you should talk to her about it. But you can take extra-precautions by talking to a common friend first - someone who knows not only the girl but also the boyfriend and is also a good friend of yours, someone who wouldn't spare you the bad details about the relationship. I think that would either reassure you that you have to discuss the situation with your friend or would let you see their relationship in a different perspective. I know that we girls are always worried about who our girlfriends choose for as their partner, but sometimes we also forget the characters of our friends - what if the "immature" type actually compliments you? What if your friend has some messianic complex and she actually likes the irresponsible type so that she can see herself useful and needed?
In the end, we can't force them to choose who *we* think is right for them. It's their life and we can only influence them as much :)
@winieann (234)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
Oh dear this is kinda deep and this is hard. I think you can tell her what you you think. but then there is this saying that there are things that are better left unsaid. I am just contradicting my self, but better yet I am giving you options. And please if they are planning on getting married. Stop them please, your friend is prone to those broken marriages if your hunches are right. Whoa this is kinda tough though. Well good luck to you my friend and to your friend.
