Do you care about the message you are giving to the kids?
By Zhu Huifen
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
China
January 13, 2009 6:31am CST
When in their childhood, we are proud of whatever progress our kids made, but when they are growing up, we are likely to care about their faults or mistakes.
What to do if a boy spilt the milk, blaming or telling him to clean up? Blaming could only hurt him, but by cleaning, he develops the ability to solve the issue.
What if the girl took money from your pocket? You can curse her in a loud voice, but you may also tell her the consequence, and even express your belief that she will not do it again when she knows the seriousness of the mistake and promises not to repeat any more.
The difference in focus will affect the way we choose to handle the problem, and the message we give to our kids, which in turn will affect their self appraisal and the attitude to their career and life in the long run.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
14 Jan 09
My son is going to be 1 year old on 19th Jan.Last night when me,my hubby and my son were sitting together ,my son slapped me on my face out of affection .In return i gave him a tight slap on his face and he started sobbing.Later i felt very guilty and cursed myself for that.As mother i understand that a message given to children in an amicable manner can prove to be real tonic rather than rebukes & scoldings.
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
14 Jan 09
I do things in an odd way when I deal with my kids. I had a couple of my kids take stuff from us. Once we took them down to talk to the police about what can happen if you take things that are not yours. It is quite a bit about how you deal with the situations with your kids. You have it right with what you say. I have never called my kids bad for anything that they have done. I will however point out that what they have done is not good. But I have never labelled them in a negative way.
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
13 Jan 09
Sure, I think the message given the the kids really affect them, especially when they are still young. I am not a mother yet, but I really wish I can watch my words towards my kids in future. I prefer to use the encouraging methods to educate them, instead of just scolding and blaming, as these do not help to make them think and grow better. As we always talk about positive thinking nowadays, of course we need to apply these to our kids too, and hope to make them think and behave positively too.
@delilahbrat (45)
• United States
13 Jan 09
I agree 100% with what you say. I would rather explain to my children the consequences of their actions rather than punishing them (though sometimes my daughter does get sent to her room to reflect on what she did, and afterward, we talk about why her actions caused her to go to her room, and ask her what she thinks she can do to avoid a similar situation from happening again). I think communication is very important, and communicating in a more positive way helps build self-esteem.
@I_am_yours_06 (185)
• Philippines
14 Jan 09
of course we should give an important care all the messages we said to the kids.. Raising kids is not easy, what they see,hear,will not just in the family but to the environment they're into will bring then up in their entire system..Discplining kids is very tough job, it takes a lot of patience.. If i will to discipline a kid i will not raise my voice coz it might cause them to get nervous,etc. talking in a monotone voice is the best way to discpline a kid.. and when you discpline a kid you have also show them you are serious in your words coz they might not listen to you again..
@Tinna_He (300)
• China
14 Jan 09
when my cousin was young,she liked to took money from the older's pocket?she has money,but it seemed that she had a addiction to do it.it is lucky that she had never done it again.To my little young baby,i hope we can educate from she can understand.One most important thing is that we must let her get up when she tumble.many days ago,i saw a boy tumbled and he didn't got up quickly.he kept this posture until his grandfather upreared him.it shocked me .why?why the child can't get up by himself?so i told my husband that night,we must let my daughter got up by herself.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
Hi zhuhuifen, My own kids are grown now with children of their own, but I have to agree with what you say here.The message we send to our children is very important, and actions always speak louder than words. Getting angry is never the answer, but having your child set the thing right shows the importance you place on integrity. Blessings.
@Frederick42 (2024)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
The message that we give to our kids is very important. Kids imitate from us. We are supposed to be the role models of our kids. it is futile to think that our behaviour does not have any impact on kids. Therefore, one has to be very careful while with kids lest they learn anything bad from us. At times, scolding them is necessary, but that scolding has to be done with great wisdom and diplomacy.
