What do you need to be able to bond with a person?

It's not always about you, Sheepie. Who cares whether people understand you or your sense of humour? Maybe giving a smile and a few minutes of your time to disabled or 'different' people might just make all the difference to their day. Being 'smart' doesn't make people worthwhile - any more than being not so clever makes people inconsequential. Smarter people aren't more unique at all - in fact, smart people can be utterly boring and lacking in personality. There's a huge world out there, full of interesting and diverse people. It's good to keep an open mind in order to grow mentally and spiritually.

Personally, I'm a very smart person...and I find other very smart people to be pretty dull and boring in a social setting. Maybe that's because my field is computers and the smart people I know/knew were geeks and engineers. I prefer down to earth, honest and friendly people and it really doesn't matter to me how smart they are. And, just for the sake of adding something to your wealth of knowledge...if you ever got to know a mentally handicapped person, you would know what the purest form of joy and love looks like, acts like and talks like...and there is not a smart person in the world who can do that.

I find that the more narcissistic a person is the more they feel they are better than others, and generally the more incorrect they are in their self assessment. I think common interests are far more of a bonding point than someone's intelligence. And as for not thinking you'd be able to love a developmentally delayed person, how sad. As the parent of two developmentally delayed children I find it shallow and sad that anyone thinks that way. Neither of them only repeat what they see and hear on t.v. nor do they drool and make fools of themselves. What you describe is more a person that can't think for themselves, and you can have an astounding i.q. and not be able to think for yourself.

If you cannot get a proper response from somebody its obviously going to be hard to bond with them. To bond successfully you need common grounds to meet on and bond through. A mentally challenged person is clearly going to be difficult to do this with. All the conversation is going to be one-way or one-tracked. I know about this. I was mentally ill myself and have many friends with communication problems. Education or the lack of it is also a barrier. Just try to be nice to people you find difficult and that way they will appreciate you just the same.

It is difficult but all people are different. They may not be smartest person, but again to love someone is to love them for who they are and not what they are not. I think sometimes the simplest things are the best. Of course it is different if the person is going to be my husband, I prefer to find someone I can relate with mentally, and have discussions about stuff other than us. So the smart ones are good too, but I can have a different kind of love for someone that is mentally disabled, just like I do for my child. She has special needs and do not comprehend things the same way. But it would not be fair and even heart breaking for me to hear that teachers and schools have given up on her just because she is not smart or not developmentally “normal” person. Everybody learn at their own level, and thank goodness, even though my child is not the smartest in the class, actually the slowest, and most troublesome one. Barely understands the teacher but they don’t exclude her and think that because she does not get is that she is not worthy of their time. So for me it depends on the age. I would not want to fall in love, with someone not on the same level or page with me. But when it comes to children, I don’t really mind. They are all special and deserve the same amount of attention and love.

I am not quite sure about your comment of "empty shells of people". I would like to believe that I am a very smart woman. I have also had the pleasure to meet people with all sorts of handicaped people. I think that just because you can not talk to them on the same level as people who are "Normal" as you would say, they are not stupid or anything. They lead a more simple life and enjoy things that we do not see. I think that maybe you should really think about meeting some of these people and understand how nice and beautiful they are. I guarantee that they will not judge you as you have judged them.

Personally (as in IQwise), I fall into the category of "gifted." My friends are all over the IQ scale from very slow special needs people to those about to blow the roof off of the IQ scale. I cherish them all and find that I get a lot for them, and I hope they get a lot from me, too. For some reason, I've been thinking about the words of a friend who has been gone for many years. I love to repeat those words to myself and remember when she used to say them to me: "Your dess is purrrr-dy Ainslee-Doh!" Translation: "Your dress is pretty, Ainsley Jo!" Charlene Phipps was one of the special kids who used to be a student in Pearl Clark's classroom where I helped out during my high school years. She passed away when she was around 19 years old. By then, she was living down South and was pretty much incapacitated due to a brain tumor. I remember her most as a little butterball with golden curls and big blue eyes who was about eight when I first met her. She was so lively and always looking for the fun in life! If Charlene were around today, I would, unlikely, be able to discuss with her whether or not Obama is going to make a good President or not, and, as her reading and writing skills would be limited, she would never be somebody I'd invite to MyLot because she just wouldn't be able to participate. However, I'm sure that we could talk about the good old days in Pearl Clark's class as well as talking about the nieces and nephews that she probably has by now. We could talk about our favorite foods, music, etc. We could also talk about men! Sometimes, I wonder what Charlene would be like if she were around today. She would be in her late forties. Then, there's Scotty in our church. He and I can't discuss anything (not in the traditional sense, anyway)--but he can speak volumes through his laughter, crying, and the wonderful expressions he gets on his face. Scotty and I aren't going to be having any deep discussions about how to help homeless kids or whether or not the people behind the unions are really looking out for the working class, but we can bond when I find the right toy for him to play with. Even if I weren't already interested in somebody else, there would be no chance of my falling in love with Scotty (not romantically, anyway--though we'd make very nice dinner partners, as we both love to eat). But that doesn't mean that there's no bond there. We bond with our various friends in different ways--and it doesn't always have to do with IQ level, either.

Hi Sheepie. Before I got married I always said that if I had a mentally disabled child I would have preferred to have an abortion than to see her suffering on this earth. However after my son was born I have changed my views completely. If he was born with a disability I would have loved him the same as if he was normal or smart as you are saying. I love him uncoditionally because he is my son. The fact that he is smart or not does not add or diminish his dignity as a human person.

Hi Sheepie, It don't matter if they are mentally disable, as long as they have a loveley personality and they are all normal, they can't help what they are and also I can bond with people who has a good sense of humour and sometimes I find those smarty pants a bit boring, always think they are better than you, so I rather bond with people who have feelings good humour and careing whether they are smart or not, it don't matter to me. Tamara

hi sheepie ... it is really difficult to bond with a mentally disable person , not because they are slow or something but because sometimes they tend to feel they belong in our category and shine away .. Its is hard to understand what they think and their reaction with our comments/remarks or even our jokes .. but we have to be the one putting more efford to actually bond with them .. Be very patient and talk to them on topics with their level of "iq" then being your smart intelligent self cheers

It is very difficult to pin point exactly what draws you to a person and you are able to bond immediately with some people.I think it is their outlook in life and the way they come across to you.Having similar tastes and common interest definitely helps in furthering the bond. I feel that it is very difficult to assess people so easily with one glance or by just meeting them once.We find that many a times first impressions are wrong, so it is better not to make any pre conceived judgements about people..

It all depends on the kind of bond you are trying to form. Some persons bond with persons who are similar and other bond with persons who are different form them .The bond you are talking about in your discussion is with persons who are smart because you may be smart and would be able to relate .Sometimes however a bond forms with persons form similar background because they are the ones you find interesting. For me I like persons who share similar ethics ,likes ,dislikes ,ideologies .In addition if the bond is an intimate relationship these qualities are essential for a bond to form .If the relationship is just a friend then I may relax the rules a bit .I for example would only want to date persons of a certain intellectual capacity but I can probably form a friendship bond with persons of lesser intellectual power because the y possess other traits.

How just clever and cumbersome is it? Most people like the clever person.Me,too.But I know sometimes, the clever person do something stupid,And the dull-witted person becomes clever instead.

I guess it depends on what type of bond you're talking about. I need to have a lot in common with them, feel as if they'll understand me, and feel safe with them. I also have to know that they'll remain my friend through tough times as well as good ones.

I think so too. they have to be a good listener and let you talk and vice versa. They have to try to understand and respect what you are saying or feeling also.

Bonding with a person is not so difficult. I would look for only one thing and that is whether he or she is interested in bonding with me or not. I am never bothered about his smartness or how qualified he is. The very interest he shows in me is enough for me.

Personaly, what I need to get to know someone is, dependent of the time I spend with them. I too like to have people that are smart around me (this is not always needed.) I can get to know someone by spending time with them. Brain power is not alway's needed to bond with them. Sometimes I find myself involved with people, because I feel insecure about how smart I am.

i need patience and cheerful attitude that is if every person does have this attitude,...

there has to be a connection or common ground first....after that it would be sense of humor then brains. if my husband had an accident and became challenged I would still love him. and I suppose if I were single and a handicap or challenged person was in my life and we had mutual interests and a connection as well as an attraction then it could happen. Love can hit you when you least expect it ya know. It only makes sense that someone who gets you would be easier to bond with. love is grand!

That's true in a sense, but one of the most important things for me to be able to bond with a person is, if they have simular interests. But you are right, being smart is important, i have a very smart older sister who's almost 20 years older than me, and she's intellegent. I'm closest to her than my two other sisters. I wonder though if, smart people have more to talk about or they're just more interesting to talk to?