I see a psychiatrist on Friday

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I have been seeing a counselor for a little over a year now.I like her very much and feel she has tried to help the problem is I have such a hard time taking about things and it is like I expect her to read my mind.I know it isn't fair to expect that of her but I just can't say the things that I know need to be said.For me going to counseling isn't a simple thing where I can say this is my problem and work on resolving it from there.There are many wounds of the past that have not healed,many things I was made to feel about myself that I can't just shake off it is like they are embedded in my mind and I don't know how to change these thoughts.As a young child I was not allowed to have feelings,never was it o.k. to cry or even to laugh either emotion was squashed by those around me,as a result today I don't feel anything,I stay in one mood no matter what if something should be overwhelming to me where I feel I might cry or get angry I quickly get myself together and don't allow it. So here I am going to a psychiatrist with the hopes that some miracle medication can lift my mood some so perhaps I can enjoy some happiness and feel like going out of the house or even to clean my house.I do only the things I absolutely have to.I don't go to the market until there is no food left in the house and even then I try and find ways around it because I hate the market so much.I hate dealing with the public in any way shape or form,I work a job where I work by myself as much as possible.The other co workers must think I am rude because I never socialize with them,at lunch I go sit in my car,my break I just keep working.All these things just add to how low I feel and make things a whole lot worse,my daughter says I am an embarrassment to her because I don't go out of the house if I don't have to and the house is often quite messy.She is 17 at this age I figure if the house being messy is such a problem for her then she can clean it,or at least stop being such a slob herself. It is my hope that I can get some medication to help and maybe begin telling my counselor the things that have put me where I am today.It is hard though,I always feel like a whiner or complainer talking about things that happened thirty years ago,yet it might be the only way to put it in the past and leave it there.