compromise and sacrifice vs being worn down and stepped on

I definitely agree with the fact that marriage and compromising can go hand in hand with marriage. Being married means that you have to always show some consideration for the other person. It is all about sharing. It is not going to be a happy union if one of the partners feels walked on.

When you get pushed shoved or forced it is totally wrong, you have to be comfortable with working together, I know, I have several examples I could cite, let's leave the examples out and just say that I know... A relationship is making decisions together not being forced into a decision but being presented with facts and evidence to support your position and listening to your partner and their opposition or agreement. That is a two way street where two people are working together. Compromise maybe or maybe not, another person can be won over with logic at which point no compromise is necessary.

The old give and take, that is definately what marriage is about. I think in a marriage there are times to take and times to give. Times to agree and times to disagree. However this needs to be done equally by both partners. If one partner is always doing the giving and one is always doing the taking then the marriage is definately on its way to being in trouble. Many people will behave like the doormat for many years, but the time will come when they will snap. It always happens.

Hi ya dawny Sure relationships are about comprise and a bit of sacrifice too but you are the only one doing all the comprising and sacrificing it will ground you down. This is what happened in my relationship (well there was bit more to it than that) and needless to say we are no longer together - thank goodness!! I think anyone who expects their partner to do all the compromising and sacrificing doesn't really respect all that much! I know my husband had no respect for me at all and I was the one doing all the work in the relationship!!

I think everyone in a marriage, at some point or another, needs their partner to compromise even when they KNOW what they are asking makes their partner uncomfortable or unhappy in some way - it happens. I have to make allowances that go past my comfort zone sometimes, and so does my husband, so that in itself isn't necessarily crossing a line. The line gets crossed when one person is consistently doing far more sacrificing than the other, and their partner is barely (if at all) acknowledging it. At that point, one partner is really using the other, and the situation needs to be addressed.

I like the way you put it. On the one hand, you have to pick your battles. If things are really not a big deal then you are compromising BUT on the other hand, if the things make you feel degraded, demeaned, humiliated, angry of uncared for, then you are being walked on.

That is a good way of putting it, and a good discussion! I think its a very fine line.. I guess when you comprimise each person gets a little of what they want, but if your pushed into doing something your not comfortable with, that's not compromise, that's one person getting their way.. which will probably lead to resentment issues if its an important issue. .

if someone feels uncomfortable about doing something then they should not be forced I agree...BUT maybe they should try to warm up to the idea if its not something dangerous or illegal. Like for example If I was terrified to travel...say like on a plane or cruise or something...Does that men my husband has to stay home for the rest of his life or should I try to overcome my fear...I would slowly try to overcome my fear...do you understand what I mean? But if your husband wanted you to rob a bank for him then no that would be pushing it. Or if it is something that you have never tried but he really wants to try it...maybe you could try it but if you don't like it then you should not be forced to do it again..... Well thats my opinion!!!Good discussion!

I agree with you. However, in my life, it'sot my loved ones who were bulldozing me over. It was my friends. I always tried to honor my friendships but now I realize that not all friends, even the ones who talks about friendship all the time. Sometimes it is not only money and time that they took from me. They also sucked my self-esteem to feed their egos. I realized that I will never yield to their abusive threats again.

I have to agree with you. If it is always just one person making the compromise, it's just wrong. If the other person is not willing to concede to the other it really isn't compromising at all, it is just ................well, it's just WRONG!

I agree with what you said and the way you said it. I think that once you find yourself making more and more compromises/sacrifices for your partner while they're making less and less it's time to draw the line. And I think it's almost never OK for your partner to expect you to do things for them that make you truly uncomfortable. I think that once you start to feel like you're being taken advantage of then it's time to speak up. It's terrible when someone will take your love for them and use it as a tool to get things they want.

I think compromising would be good. I do not think anyone should be forced into something they really do not want and their partner should see this also and not bully them either. Yeah someone has to back down though in the end but it should be the one thats bulldozing the other.

Well, Dawn, I think I've been workin' on this one for the majority of the day. The discussion you've posted goes to the very heart of who we are as people, and how we go about living our day to day lives. Finding a balance between our needs and the needs of those around us is a constant battle for each and every one of us. You are absolutely correct that every relationship is about compromise, then the question is when are you giving up way too much of yourself for another person? Without going into too much detail in order to protect the innocent (or perhaps, the not so innocent in this case) the relationship I'm referring to was as very important relationship to me and it ranks up there in the top five most important relationships I will ever have in my life. As this was a person I was not willing to easily walk away from, I had an incredibly difficult decision to make. This person was so important to me and yet every time I was with them I came away feeling diminished, smaller and less the person. Now, anyone looking at that from the outside can see that is not a healthy relationship, but the problem was, I could not simply walk away from the person either, as they were an integral part of who I am. In the end, as heart wrenching and painful as it was, I did step away from that relationship for awhile. Not because I no longer loved the person, in fact it was probably just the opposite I loved that person too much. And that particular love I had was not at all heathly. I walked away from the relationship for a short period of time, in order to figure out what my bottom line was. I needed to figure out exactly what I was willing to compromise about and what things were nonnegotiable. In a nutshell, as others have already said, I needed to set up my boundaries and stick to them. Long story short. It took 3 1/2 years of me drawing a line in the sand, and in essence saying "here's where I stand, if you want a relationship with me, here's the things that need to happen in that relationship and you know where to find me". Finally this person did exactly that. They have started moving in my direction if you will, like they have never before. It is a slow moving process and our relationship is definitely a work in progress, but there is hope. In the end though, what finally tipped the scales for me, and when I finally said I've had enough I can't do this anymore, was when I realized the shell of a person I became after spending 24 to 48 hours with this person. Quite frankly, it took me two weeks to get myself in a better headspace after being with this person. They literally sucked the life right out of me, that is more than just a compromise. That is losing yourself in order to please another and for me personally that is when the price got too high. That's just been my experience. It depends on how much it costs, and I don't mean money. If it costs me too much, then I need to get out, because life is too short, to give up yourself entirely to another person's whims.

My principle in life is, "Don't let people take you for granted for certain works" and you know it really works!

i do agree that compromise and sacrifice has to be from both the sides,in any relationship.when only one person has to compromise to save any relation,i think he/she is being taken advantage of.(i donot think that is compromise)

I have never been very good at suppressing my needs to please others when I do not support it. Compromise is a problem. You need to work out what your limits are, draw your boundaries and know when to fight for your rights. The trouble is that people in love are too eager to compromise and do it to easily and then later it is harder to put your foot down. So get it right from the start and know your boundaries so that you know when to push back and you do not get squashed.

You have to compromise at every point of life. But when someone supresses you time and again you tend to develop the resistance. These people think that whatever they are doing is correct but the truth is that everything is not right. You should make them understand that this is not the right attitude.

Hey, Yea you are truly right. But it isn't true love if they push you to do something that you don't want to. No matter how strong that love is, it is YOU that needs to make decisions for yourself, not get forced to do something that isn't your will. Happy MyLotting!

Sounds really like that ma'am,but i think when you decided to get into a relationship and moved to marriage you really experience all that stuff because you both goes a long way into a journey life which many struggles,trials,difficulties,problems,etc.you both will have to pass, but its all defends on you how would you handle all the situation right? but as many couples says if is it too much then you have to decide whats best for you and into your partner,but as long as its manageable stay.just have faith in God and goes well and all will be fine. its goes a saying " TRUE HAPPINESS IS A BIG SACRIFICE"

we are always trying to find the balance between persons if you are weak the other will be strong which you definitely will feel being bulldozed and oppressed.this is the inevitable outcome of this relationship we cant say whether who is right because the consequence is derived two facets.so the only solvation is to get stronger continually now that we cant change others we have to change ourselves.