Can you give some ways to develop closeness with daughter-in-law?

I don't have a daughter-in-law at the moment as my son is divorced. But he has a partner, and while he is away at the moment,I am keeping in touch with her. We went out to lunch together last weekend and call and text each other. She is feeling rather vulnerable wile he is away and I've agreed that she can come and stay here for a week. It is a little further for her to go to work from here and will be difficult as she doesn't drive, so she must have a reason. Perhaps she just needs a listening ear. No doubt I will find out. I know we both have my son's interests at heart so there shouldn't be any conflict there. Jena, you have received a lot of good advice on these pages which I'm sure will guide your actions. Sometimes as well with these things you just have to play it by ear. That's why I gave you the example above.

I think this is the most difficult thing in the universe. Even I expect to see the end of all rivalry between our neighboring countries - but I do not expect to see any change in the relationship of any mother-in-law with daughter-in-law. I am absolutely frustrated in this issue. If there is only one option, that is to part away and live in peace, when the things go beyond control! Believe me! Both simply can't tolerate each other. This is something strange but this is fact. And the issue is - invariably the Mom's kids, and their pampering by Grandmas! Obviously, on the positive note - there are some ways to reduce the impact of collision, or its frequency of occurance. Both, and both of them, must be heavily occupied in their own field, which should be different. Besides, they must not interact much with one another while at home. Better they should interact while in an outing, or in a party. I know my response may sound silly, but this is based on real-life fact.

Yes, I agree with you, this relationship is a precarious one and it takes time to develop it. I would say I have an excellent relationship with my daughter-in-law. I never want to be her mother, she has a mother already. I cultivate her friendship and have never critized her. If she asks my opinion I give it honestly but respectfully. There are lots and lots of issues where we have different opinions and where I think she is mistaken because she has not had the experience in life. But I leave it at that and keep quiet. I never give my little granddaughter anything to eat unless I check with my daughter-in-law first. At times I help out and pick up the child from day care centre and bring her to her house. My daughter in law usually leaves a note on her kitchen table as to what to feed her. Sometimes the child refuses that food so I give her something else that she had before for instance cottage cheese and apple sauce and tell the mom when she gets home that the child did not eat the food that was left for her. I offer no opinion as to why she did not eat it. I don't buy the type of toys or clothes that my daughter-in-law does not like. I don't like to babysit at night and have told her and my son. They respect that and arrange for a sitter if they go out at night. As far as closeness is concerned I think both of us prefer a respectful but somewhat distant friendship.

In every relationship it takes two to tango. The daughter-in-law (DIL) must be also willing to cultivate a relationship with the mother-in-law (MIL). First and foremost, love between them must be there even before the girl and the son got married. The MIL and the DIL should get along early on the relationship and not after the wedding. The bonding between MIL and DIL should have happen when son and gf are still on their dating stage or serious stage. Since this is not always the case, then taking the effort to talk to her or have a lunch out just the two of you and start to have conversation. Take interest in the DIL's interest. Make SUGGESTION and NOT IMPOST decisions between husband and wife. Love her like she is your own daughter. This should also be done by the DIL. Again a relationship is a two way street.

When I got married 22 years ago my mother in law gave me a very warm welcome and treated me like a daughter and not a daughter-in-law. We had a very good relationship till she expired five years ago. She became a friend whom I could confide in. My husband and I belonged to different religions but my mother in law did not let that be a hindrance in our marriage. She encouraged me to continue going to church every Sunday. Inspite of being a pure vegetarian she took the troube of cooking non-vegetarian food for me on my weekly holidays. I would treat my daughter-in-law more as a friend.

my mother in law is a kind woman.we get on well with each other. she cooks well and often come to my house cooking for me and my husband. she often clean the house without letting me know. she treats me like her own daughter and invites me to go shopping with her,buying me a lot of clothes.when i am ill, she takes care of me. i really love her.i think all above i listed is the secret of developing closeness with daughter in law.

I believe that the mother/son relationship is an incredibly strong one and it is difficult for many mothers to accept the DIL as "the new woman" in their son's life. All the things the mother used to do (or try to do) for him, she no longer does. I think it's hard for some mothers to "let go" because they don't feel needed or they feel "replaced." However, it's really important that the MIL/DIL relationship be one of respect for each other, as individuals and as women. Also, the MIL should refrain from "taking sides" or getting involved in personal decisions that the couple should make alone (from finances to how to raise kids to what kind of pet to own... any and all of it). If asked, it's gracious to share one's opinion but it's beneficial not to be judgemental or condescending. The younger woman can also be respectful of the older woman's life experience. She's learned a thing or two along the way and probably wants to genuinely help, in a lot of ways. There is often a battle of wills between MIL and DIL and I feel it's important for the son/husband to be involved in the structure and be strong about his relationship with each woman... not favoring one over the other but, rather, considering each situation individually.

I have actually had a good relationship with my DIL until recently...we have done tons of things together including shopping....going on vacation....weekends scrapping....and for the most part we get along very well.....she is really good to me and I try to be good to her. The part right now is that she hasn't been getting along well with my son.....so she doesn't make any effort to be with me anymore. Hopefully once they get things ironed out she'll return to the relationship that we once had. I do miss the time I have spent with her....but understand how when they aren't getting along...I am still his mom. So I would say...be very respectful to each other....remember you don't always have to say what's on your mind....even if you disagree with her. Make sure you remember that she is his wife.....as his mother you will always be important to him...but she should be first in his heart....

I have been married for three years now. At first my relationship with my mother-in-law started out very rocky. We had "family meetings" that were designed to help us plan our marriage. Sort of. My husbands parents wanted us to have a down payment for a house, six months salary saved, all my student loans paid off, two cars, life insurance of at least 100,000 on each of us, health insurance, a savings account for our first born child (which of course hadn't happened yet), a few other things before we got married. Well...none the less it would have taken us years and years to get that far in life. Instead we got married on a day we both had off, with a new apartment, and not even two pennies to rub together. This made for a rocky start, but now we have a great relationship. The first thing you should do would be to give it time. No matter what, there is some time that needs to happen to develop that relationship. We all know the horror stories about mother-in-laws and to some extent we are all afraid that our mother-in-law will turn out to be horrible. Other tips include: -Always smile and be warm and friendly -Offer to help when it might be nice for her to have help -Don't offer advice unless it is asked for (it doesn't feel like advice, but rather condemnation). -Make sure she (and your son) know that you are there, but don't be hovering -Always call and make arrangements before you come over. This takes away the surprise visit stress. Good Luck

Maybe constant communication and openness will help a lot. Plus the time togetherly spent is a must inorder to familiarize each other and consider each other's strengths and weaknesses. Happy posting!

I'm not a mother-in-law, but if I were, I'd try to find out what my daughter-in-law's interests and hobbies were. Maybe you can find something you both enjoy to do together. I've seen too many mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law get off on the wrong foot on both sides of my family. The fact that you want to get close to your daughter-in-law is great. Good luck!

My mother in law and I are very close. We spend time together and talk alot. We are very honest with each other for one. We do not judge each other. And we try to spend time together so that we can get to know each other. We do alot of fun things together.

To develop closeness with the daughter-in-law, you must open up a topic that really makes an interest in that way you can develop closeness to her. Just try to be yourself and not pretending like some other do. I'm sure your daughter-in-law will listen to you if you try to be yourself.

One thing might be to not be a mother figure to her as much as maybe a friend or older sister, I have an awesome mother-in-law and wouldn't give her up, yes we have our ups and downs but we get through them, she never has treated me as one of her children but as an equal, and we have lots of fun, we go places, have great talks and have secrets between each other, she struggles with some of the other daughter in-laws, so since we get along so well I think I am more special to her than the others.

Smile. Welcome her into your heart and your life. Spend time talking and listening to her. Allow her to ask you questions. Don't criticize her. Make her feel welcome and the relationship will grow. Be a friend to her first and foremost. When cooking together, encourage creativity but don't tell her what she is doing wrong or how she should do something. Laugh together but not at her.

I was married and divorced twice and am still very close to both of my mother in laws. They always treated me as a friend. They were supportive and not critical. They did not interfere in our marriage...were supportive of our relationship working. Even in times of trouble...they did not take sides (at least openly). It's a 2 way street really. If you like your daughter in law...be greatful that she makes your son happy and treat her as such. Important...when your son and his wife are having problems & they will....be careful of what you say and try not to get too involved. Listen to him but don't side with him against her. When they kiss & make up.....you'll look like the evil MOL!

Yes, very true. This is one of the hardest relationships to cultivate. All that a mother-in-law(MIL) has to do is treat her dtr-in-law(DIL) like her daughter and not as her son's wife. Its as simple as that. The DIL must also learn to respect and love her MIL as her own mother. Though no one can replace a mother's love, DIL needs to know that she has entered a new stage of her life and should know that she needs to respect her MIL. A relationship improves only by treating someone as your own.