Should I name my baby after my in-laws
By violeta_va
@violeta_va (4831)
Australia
January 15, 2009 5:11am CST
We are having a baby in April our second child. When talking to my husband about naming the child he told me he would like to name it if its a girl after my mother in law. It is not a name that I cant live with in fact it is ok (Jovana) but I dont like naming it after her and every time I say the name to be reminded of her. She is not a bad person just very old fashioned and I had problems with that. The other thing is my parents have 2 girls and no boy to pass the name to and I dont insist on my kids having my parents name while my husband has another brother and a sister. I know how much he would like me to agree (I sugested having a middle name but that is not in our tradition).
What would you do? HAve you been in this situation?
3 people like this
6 responses
@raivenx17 (67)
• United States
15 Jan 09
I would feel the same way you feel. And I don't think you should be forced to name your baby after your mother-in-law. Did you explain to your husband that you don't feel comfortable naming the baby after her? Does he recognize that you don't get along? Tell him that you feel that it is only fair that you both agree on a name together and if you don't agree, that should not be the name. Maybe you can get a book or make a list of a bunch of names that you like and see if he can find one that you both like, or let him make a list and you choose the ones you like. Is that an option?
1 person likes this
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
He knows that I am not too fond of her it is hard to explain she is a lovely woman but she does things the way she knows she is not educated, he has hardly left the city in her life she lives in a small town and very old fashioned. Say eg. I want to take a shower when I feel like it well acording to her I cant on tuesdays and fridays. Small things that add up sort of thing. He already said fine we dont have to give the baby my moms name (after all we dont know if its a boy or a girl we dont want to know till its here) but I feel quilty because I know how much he would like that. If there was something close to her name then I would have gone with that but there isnt.
Anyway... last time with my son we both wrote a list of 5 names that we liked and 1 name was on both our lists so we chose that one. This time I have no idea I dont have a single name on my mind that I like.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
15 Jan 09
It sounds as if the only thing that is stopping you from naming your child after your mother in law is that your mother in law is old fashioned. A name doesn't really make a person old fashioned. I do have to say that it is just as much your child as it is his, and if anything I would try to pick a name as close to your mother in law's as possible, possibly a shorter form, in hopes for a compromise between you and your husband.
1 person likes this
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
15 Jan 09
I didnt want to go into details but me and my mother in law dont get along that much (lucky we dont live on the same continent or there would have been trouble) she has to point out things that she belives are wrong and I have never met someone as her set in her old fashion ways. So I cant name a child after a person I dont particularly like. Hope this makes it more clear.
1 person likes this
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
16 Jan 09
My Middle name is my Grandmothers....
My first name is one my Mom liked!
My son is named after both Grandfathers because of a promise I made to my father as a young girl (My choice) as I am an only child! My Husband's Father passed away fifteen years ago and so we wanted to preserve his memory...As well my husband's middle name is his Dad's so it is doubly special!
~Heavens~
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
16 Jan 09
Yes, but it wasn't hard! I had this planned from about age ten and I never go back on my promises!
Had I had a girl she would have been given a name I liked and then the middle name would have been my Grandmothers!
A lot of people I know do the middle name and that way they can pick what they like for the first and yet the family name(s) lives on at the same time!
~Heavens~
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
That is a nice thing you did you included everyone so everyone is happy
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I think it is a very nice gesture to name your baby after your inlaws. If you want the baby to be named after your mother, then you need to tell your husband this. Maybe you can find a name that is a combination of the two names.
An example of this...my name is carolyn and my husband is lee. We were going to name one of our children carlee....a combo of the two names.
I did end up naming my one child after both grandparents, but we do middle names.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
thats the thing I dont want my kids named after any of the grandparents I dont want any of them too feel hurt and left out. There is also no combination that would sound good if we mix names together (I would scar the child for life). My point is that I know how much it would mean to him if we do but I cant get over the fact that she didnt treat me right not because she is a bad person but because she didnt want to acept me and my ways.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
17 Jan 09
I can definitely relate to your mother in law not accepting you. My mother in law didn't want my husband tomarry me and has expressed this many times right in front of me. I think that by naming the baby after her, it is showing that you are the bigger person. It also shows how you respect her even though she doesn't respect you. It would mean the world to your husband and it is a very pretty name. By doing this it may even bring her closer to you.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
they are not important to me at all. I have very little to do with them they live in Europe me in Australia. Yes they gave birth to my husband but so did my parents to me and I dont want or insist to name a child after them
@kezabelle (2974)
•
21 Jan 09
No personally for me I prefer my children to have their own name something that suits them hence we waited until they were born before deciding.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
22 Jan 09
with my son we sort of had a name before he was born (we knew what we were having) but the name just did not go well after he was born so we chose another. This time we dont know what we are having but I still have no idea what to name the baby I dont have a single name I like at the moment.
