Boyfriend Troubles

first, i would talk to some of my friends/relatives to see if i can stay at their place until i get everything back together and save enough to get my own place (or i might just end up renting a room from them). once i have that figured out, let my girlfriend know that i am going to leave her because of how she is making me feel and how unappreciated i feel. i get all the groceries, i clean the whole house, i pay for her things with my own credit card, i pay for her gaming subscriptions, and she still hasn't paid me back for any of that. it seems like i'm contributing more to the household than she is. plus, i can't even hang out with my own friends for as long as i want. now after telling her that i'm going to be leaving her, i expect her to tell me that she will try to change and be better. if she does, then i'd explain to her that i've been letting her know this whole time that i've had issues and she would just brush me off. the damage has already been done, and i can't go forward with this relationship. finally, i would get all my stuff and leave... now i understand that the person you are thinking about leaving is a guy. i have no clue how he may react, but if you think he's one who might be abusive, it might be good to have a neutral friend with you when you break the news to him. having a neutral friend may help diffuse any aggression he may get. if he does end up saying "ill be better for you," "i'm sorry, ill try to change" or anything like that, and you are still willing to give it another chance... then it's up to you if you wanna stay in the house or move out. i would move out and stay with a friend/relative and get me job so that i can start saving up money. while i'm doing that, if she does earn my trust again on being someone who is willing to give and not just take, then i'll consider going back to her. good luck with whatever decision you decide to make. i hope the best for you!

i understand how you feel and you definitely felt taken advantage of. life is so different during courtship and after courtship, isn't it? it is not only you but many ladies out there would agree with me. i am a man and i know it. most men are extremely sweet during courtship cos they need to get what they want. And normally after courtship or marriage when both start staying together, the truth nature would show up in both parties and often this is the reason resulting in divorces. so you need to ask yourself this question, 1) do you love him? 2) do you see a future with him considering everything in it, eg. finances, careers, starting family etc 3) are you able to take hardship with him if times are bad? if your answer to any of this is no, then leaving him now is a wiser choice than facing more misery in future. If your answer to ALL this is yes, then it is time to sit down together for a good heart to heart talk with no quarrel or raising of voices and truthful sharing. good luck

Hello There. Hmmm... you are really in a serious and tough situation about your relationship and your status in life but that doesn't mean that it is right or okay to fall in love with his sister's fiance'. For me, it would be really nice if you start loving yourself more than any guy in this world. In that way, you will respect yourself and your man will see that. Maybe that way, he will see you in a different way. Maybe he will start to treat you right. I know that we don't deserve to be treated like that but we have to admit that there are people like your boyfriend right now. If I am in your position, I would definitely look for another job first then talk to him straight. I will tell him what bothers me in our relationship and yes, I will make him listen. If he loves me, he will open his eyes and mind for me. I will make him understand that the relationship should be give and take... I will still give him his last chance to change... If he can't do that then I guess that it is not worth for me to stay in a relationship since I am losing myself with it and all that I have. I hope you will sort this out with your partner. take care! Thank you for the discussion and happy mylotting. Have a great day!

Wow, that must be really hard. It sounds really hard. And I hate to say it, but I am only going to tell you the truth. Honestly it sounds like he is using you. I know when my husband and I had moved in together before we got married, everything was split up with the bills and household chores. I think it might be the time for you to get out of this relationship. Do you have any family at all that might be able to take you in or friends that could take you in while you are on the search of looking for a job. Another way of going about it is letting him know how you feel. And also if he is not willing to change, then there is no point in putting yourself through any more agony. I hope that things work out for you and things get better. Good luck.

Okay well the first thing you need to do is find a new job and start saving. I know it sucks but your boyfriend is being a jerk and I doubt he will change. He has no right to tell you how much time you spend with your friends, if he really cared he would be supportive of your friendship despite wether or not he likes them. Secondly stop doing everything for him. Once he sees that you aren't willing to be a floor mat anymore, he'll stop treating you like one. You need to stand up for yourself. I am sorry to say it but I think that you need to get angry and start making the changes you need to make. No one can do them for you and if he's going to keep treating you that way, he doesn't deserve to lick the $#!7 off your boot. I hope that you find happiness but I wouldn't look for it in your boyfriend's sister's fiance. I think that is just a bad idea that is going to lead no where good. You are better off just being by yourself and taking the time to figure out what is best for you and go from there.

I am so sorry you are definately being taken advantage of no doubt about that. Playing house is never a good idea that early in the relationship. Especially if you don't set any house rules from the beginning. In order for the two of you to live together and both be happy you need to establish some rules especially when it comes to money. Who pays what and how much? And then he also needs to understand that you have needs to. If he is not willing to work with you and discuss the situation I would strongly suggestion that you find a friend or family member to move in with until you can get back on your feet.

I see tooincome has already told you what I would have told you. As I have learned from my life-lessons no ne can keep using you unless you let them. Have you any family you could stay with? Tell him you sent the credit card back and stop the gaming subscription so it doesn't get taken off your card. Do not take his excuses about the cash deal,just tell him I want it and I want it now. As far as the personal things when you buy groceries since he is with you, when you go to check out just pay for groceries and the things he wanted just leave them in the cart and tell the cashier he will pay for those. He will either pay for them or he will leave them there. As for the backrubs quit doing them. Find a job anywhere you can even if it down't pay as much. Start putting money away that he doesn't now about.

Im really sorry you had to face this. Its a fact that one never gets to know a person whilst dating, for its just a few hours. One only knows a persons true nature when o ne starts living with him. Yours is a real bad case. Take up any job which pays enough to feed and clothe you, dont be choosy and move out pronto. He is taking undue advantage of you whilst saving his own cash. He has an unpaid servant in you and on top of it you pay for groceries too. Run before he squeezes what little money you have saved too. I think I can understand your problem better now. Run friend. Good luck. You sure chose a loser. Be careful next time.

I think your life with him is a preview of what your future life will be if you continue being with him. You should get out now. Cheers!!

Hi pkpanther, your situation is not easy and you´re not the first nor will be the last one to be taken advantage of, sorry, I don´t mean to sound "mean" but this is something that a lot of people with good feelings and heart go through, unfortunately, you have been there for him since day one and he knew that, he was aware of the fact that you´d be willing to do whatever for him and the reason why he was very nice to you in the beginning is because he was feeling too comfortable with you and wanted to have another mommy, to me, he´s just acting like a spoiled kid who wants to be taken care of, sweetie, I don´t know how old you are but it doesn´t really matter, you deserve to be happy and this guy evidently is not making you, find the way to move out, I know you´re unemployed but you gotta find someone who can give you a hand while you get a job and leave his sorry a..s, pardon my french, but it brings back memories, ´cause I´ve been there and know what it´s like, good luck.

sorry to see that you are in trouble of this, your case turned out to be such a bad one.it's always difficult to know some one within a short time.the good thing is that you finally know what a jerk he is. now you need to find a job whick can pays enough for your daily life and you can leave him then good luck to you

You need to get away from this guy. He's using you. He'll leave you as soon as you stop doing everything for him. All he's going to do right now is take as much money from you as he can. Worse, he just might start stealing from you. He feels entitled to whatever you can give him. If you stop giving, he might feel perfectly within his rights to just take it. After all, he's entitled. Those kinds don't care about anyone but themselves. Since you don't have a job, he has to pay expenses. If he doesn't, all you're doing is watching your own money go that much faster. He'll drain you dry, then move on. Be careful he isn't going to steal your identity too. He has the access, and from what you've said he doesn't have any scruples about riding you as far as he can for money.

Right now you are having strained relationship with your boyfriend.He is taking you for granted and not taking due care of your needs .He is putting the burden of entire household on your shoulders and he not contributing anything to it.I think you must clearly talk to him about this and also point out the consequences of this behavior.He should understand at once that if this behavior continues for long,then this relationship could not last long. You are dear,i know,very tensed and perplexed and finding someone with whom you can share your feelings and worries.I think your b/f's sister's fiance comes in your approach easily.,so that could be the reason you are falling for him.Take your time and analyze the situation clearly.

I think you should talk to him first. Fighting couldn't solve the problem, but even to make things worse. And also, you should think over living together with him. It is a very serious matter. Good luck.

pkpanther, Pardon me here, but this still does not explain why you are falling for your boyfriend's sister's fiance. In the first place, has it ever occurred to you that you might be infatuated with this other guy than love? I simply do not think that a man can be frivolous with his commitments especially to his bride and wife to be. Mind you, if you are at all comfortable for a man to walk out at this time of his relationship and commitment, I just marvel how you view and sense commitment and fidelity. Frankly speaking, I wonder why is there a need for such histrionic attempt to build a plot around a possibility? I see your current problem on 2 aspects. First aspect is your current boyfriend and the second aspect is your inaccurate assumptions with your boyfriend's sister's fiance. I just have one advice for your latter issue: If there's something you need to learn out from this: Learn to be true to yourself. That will save you the misery of pretense. Now for the first aspect, this is what you get when you put two complete strangers together in something we call relationship, with love as the element to keep you two in unison: differences. And in the end, it's about discovering more of yourself, as much as your other half. You must understand that your belief is exclusive only to you, vice versa. To change a belief/personality/character might be just a little difficult, thus the easier option is always to compromise on something that is workable in your relationship to keep it functioning. It's not so much about the loss of job, the stress, the monies or everything else that got implicated into your relationship - it's about knowing that despite the individual differences, how is it that you are going to live harmoniously with him while understanding that you two are but separate being. I see from this here that there is this non communication problem between the both of you. Since you two are unable to control individual constrains in life, communicate and decide the best way you could compromise and work out something that you could keep the life of your relationship flowing. (If you two share the same religion together, both of you could seek for solace in your faith through prayers. Or speak with your religious leaders if possible). You see, what happens is that both of you are facing challenges in life; it's just that each of you were hoping that your other half could provide you the avenue to alleviate this frustration from your state of life and the condition it brings. Therefore, how would it be possible for anyone of you to afford the emotional luxury to tender those sensitive needs when in your perception, both your visions have been blotted out by all these immerse problems, acting as a barrier to enjoy your relationship? I feel that you need to find a good time and communicate to him about your thoughts (not problems) about this issue and allow him the chance to share with you his. Perception are bound to clash, but at least when you keep this open as a known problem, you pave a opening for possible solution/compromising when the occasion calls for it. Sweeping it under the carpet will only bring about deeper frustration and proliferates internal resentment. Take care and have a nice day.

Hi, actually I would start saving money for a break away. I would put as much away as I could.Wow, this sounds sort of like my first husband. Sorry but if he continues like he is he will not change and keep safe.

if he gicves you money and soppurt you in any casses so be with untill u get you job back,i think he used you in some casses so now this is your time to take advatage by him ,when you get your job then leave him,i think this would be right for you

I am sorry to heard about your situation. What your boyfriend did to you is cannot forgive! How come a man can did such things to who he love?! I think you know more about your boyfriend now. And you already have an idea to leave him. The first thing you need to do is finding a job and leave him as soon as possible. You may ask for help from your friends about the groceries and bills. I think your friends must understand your current condition and give help to you. Hope you can leave him asap. All my wish to you! HaPpY MyLoTtInG!