YOU are so fricking IRRESPONSIBLE!!

I imagine when karma comes back around to my older kids I will receive a phone call or visit from them in which they will complain to me. I will listen... and then I will laugh.

Awww. Girls are not very hard to potty train, at least I didn't think so. My daughter trained right away (she was just three too) but my best friend's son refused and refused.... he is three also but turned 3 in Sept. My daughter is now almost five and doesn't remember diapers lol. I was very laid back about potty training, it's not like we had a timeline because daycare didn't want to do diapers, I've been home with her, so I just always reminded myself that if she wasn't interested, no biggie. Nobody attends college in diapers.

LOL Yea, laugh good, but then be there for the advice. The last two weeks my son (a single dad) has been calling asking for potty training advice. I advised him to reward her each time she used the potty and didn't wet by giving her a skittle (candy). For accidents due to laziness she gets a time out. So far its going pretty good. I'm just amazed that she has been so hard to potty train. Today she turned three, so certainly old enough. And girls are supposed to be easy! But perhaps the stress of her mommy and daddy's divorce has delayed it somewhat.

I think it will be funny to see them experience what I am dealing with. I am sure they will ask me WHY WHY WHY and I'll be quick to point out it is just something that goes along with the territory, that they did it to me and it's payback time. I am not a capital punishment type, I do not spank, but I do things like remove important privelages like phone, computer, and tv, in addition to no excursions except to and from school - by school bus. This is actually punishment for ME as well because then I have to watch and listen to them mope around and complain of being BORED. I don't take away things like music and books and going outside - unless it is determined that they are only going outside to meet with friends and complain.

yeah, no kidding eh? There are times when I think my son still believes money grows on trees, that we have 150 of them, that gas costs us nothing, that the pantry and fridge are 'magically restocked' or I have 'nothing better to do than buy groceries', that I love driving him around or that I should do that instead of whatever else I want to do...

To be honest, I told my husband I didn't want to see our son at all until he was over his attitude and snit - because there is no way I'd be able to just let whatever came out of his mouth go. He still has the rest of this year plus next at school, no job, no money, and no way of taking care of himself so I really think he should be a little more appreciative of the good life that he has. When I was his age, I DID have money and a job, so if I had decided to be a twit and be rude to my parents, at least I would have had a partial leg to stand on if they told me to move out lol. I did know better though, so I kept the crap to myself.

This is why I don't tell them I will do anything for sure unless I know I can. Also, if they refuse to be patient with me, then I might as well not even bother, know what I mean? If I say 'it will be 20 minutes' and they get all pissy and decide to walk home instead, then why should I be roped into getting them after THAT display of childish behavior?

I only think of better ways to handle something after I am not deep in the middle of it. I am guessing that a lot of people feel that way! Honestly I would rather my son learn some creativity to figure out how to accomplish things without help from me every time. So I can't drive him somewhere, what else can he do instead of complaining that 'I must be irresponsible' because I won't do it? LOL! Sometimes I don't want to because it's not necessary. When gas was four bucks a gallon, I had to explain that gas cost us the SAME as it cost other people, so it did not fly to always say that this or that friend couldn't drive because they had no money. Of course people STILL do that and I know they do it to cause guilt trips and get me to drive them around. As long as they understand it is my choice and I'm not obligated, sometimes I choose to. If they act entitled, then it's the last time I EVER do it. At least I don't promise I'll drive someone's kid home and THEN drink too much so I cannot and then tell that kid's parent that I am drunk and I can't do what I promised I would lol. Someone did that to me and boy was I irritated. THAT was irresponsible of them.

Hello there. When your kid lies to you and says something is mandatory (so you HAVE to let them attend even if you did not really want to) instead of telling the truth (I'd like to stay for tryouts, do you mind?) and then gets angry when you tell them you will be at least 20 minutes driving to pick them up because of traffic and then they decide to WALK anyway while texting you the whole time complaining about how they didn't want to walk, then you can tell me it's a good thing. Walking never hurt a kid, especially a teenager, it's not like kids get enough exercise anyway these days even for basic health purposes. Secondly, gas prices are bad and parents are not taxis. No parent is ever required to pick up and drop off kids UNLESS THEY WANT TO. Trying to make a parent feel guilty AFTER lying in order to stay after school instead of getting on the bus.... wow, double whammy wrong. Very hard to trust a kid who does things like this to get their way and then tries to judge a parent for not falling for it. was that descriptive enough?

We could tell a teen the consequences of their actions a thousand times, but until they learn the hard way, they aren't going to understand what we are on about. As parents, it is our responsibility to fore warn our teens of the consequences, and then stand back while they make their mistakes and then be there for them to help make sense of where the teen went wrong. A parent isn't just there to force a teen to listen, as that is a totally lost cause. They are there to guide and help the teen pick up the pieces when things go wrong. I've had to learn many lessons the hard way, many as a teen, but I wouldn't have learnt that lesson if I hadn't tried it my way. I guess it all depends on the teen and how quickly they are able to learn from their own mistakes. I did have friends who kept making the same ones over and over, and I couldn't see why they wouldn't have learnt the first time round.

Ahh but adults do not react in the same manner as teens do. If I went about blowing up every time a situation was not to my liking (as my kids have done), I would likely be in jail. If I bit or hit my friends (like toddlers do), I would not have any friends. If I just decided I didn't want to get up and do things like laundry or dishes, pretty soon there'd be no clean clothes or dishes. If I didn't get up and go to school/work, I would flunk and get fired. For adults there is no 'safety net' that fixes everything when we make less than stellar decisions. Sure, we COULD make less than stellar decisions. However, in most cases it means we have to live with them and the results could be pretty bad. Parents try to teach kids by example that there are consequences for every action or in-action - natural consequences. I am not a fan of removing natural consequences from a person who believes they are entitled to be rude. Just because I am a parent does not mean I am indebted to my kids, that they have a right to expect me to ever be at their beck and call. Parents have lives too, and if a kid's 'plans' don't coincide, like I stated, they need to figure out how they can do their plans without parental support and without being impatient. I am not against them sometimes not doing what they should, everybody does things like that once in awhile. However, if you are going to do something stupid or strike out on your own and refuse to listen to your parents, then you need to get by on that path without your parents since you believe you know better than they do. It's only fair. Don't wanna listen? Then don't, but don't expect them to follow along and support you in case you get in trouble anyway.

Good form. I've always thought that they were little adults. I think some parents belittle their children by talking down to them. I don't agree with that. Open communication is the key to respect. Not only is respect earned, it also needs to go both ways.

Exactly. Yes, the teen years can be hell. I don't know why, it's not like I had no hand in the raising. It seriously makes me wonder if ALL kids just do this at some point, freak out so to speak. I have an almost five year old too and I do NOT want to experience this for a THIRD time when she hits the teen years. I am hoping that she realizes the proper way to ask for things and not to get so bent if I say no or don't answer a text message two nanoseconds after she sent it! Number one - why don't kids seem to remember that ASKING is key? You ask mom or dad for permission, you don't TELL mom or dad what it is you are doing before they have okayed it! Number two - also why don't they realize if they have to depend on one of US to pick them up from somewhere, provide other transportation, money, or whatever, then they REALLY need to be patient? otherwise they should get creative and figure out how to earn the money or find their own transportation. I was a very creative kid, if my parents weren't available, I figured it out on my own. I think kids are lazier these days too.

See... therein lies the problem, and this is not just with kids or teens. I always start out nice with anybody. The problem is widespread now that being 'nice' doesn't get someone's attention. It doesn't seem to motivate them to do what they are being asked to do, even if it is part of their JOB and you are the BOSS. Do you see what I'm getting at here? Example A: I go to pay a bill or purchase something. The customer service person wants to do something else other than help me so they make me wait. I ask how long the wait will be since I need to be back at the school to pick up my daughter from preschool. They tell me a few minutes. Ok, a few minutes is like 3 minutes. 10 minutes later I still haven't been helped. I ask again if they could hurry because the purchase/bill would take at the most 2 minutes! I get the same answer, a few more minutes. If I don't leave soon, I will be late and the community center charges parents who are late. At this point after having been nice and been put off twice, now I'm mean. Guess what? They don't like me, they think I'm a b*tch but it took less than 2 minutes to take care of the bill/purchase and I was on my way. I didn't WANT that to happen but when they don't listen, what other choice do I have? Example B: I ask my daughter to pick up her toy and throw away her napkin from lunch. She says in a minute. Five minutes later, she hasn't. I ask her to do it again or I will turn off the tv. Ok ok she says. I come back and it's STILL not done. At this point I yell. And turn off the tv. I didn't want THAT to happen either, but I told her TWICE. IF people would start doing what they know they are supposed to or asked to do the FIRST TIME RIGHT AWAY, nobody would ever have to get angry!

Thank you - I have heard of these books before. I wonder if I can get info online about them, worth a shot! Situations like these are short lived but my desire is to do something that prevents them from happening AGAIN... I am a root problem solver, not someone who wants to bandaid things.

If you got the book it would help you to prevent these things from happening again. They will teach you how to respond to your child so they will treat you with respect. Very good books! Hope you indulge.

My older daughter quickly learned that if she was a brat, demanded a ride or pickup, or lied in order to go somewhere and then did not have a ride home after she guaranteed us she did - that she would be walking home or walking wherever it was she wanted to go. If she decided to complain, then she got grounded. I know i'd rather just walk and not be grounded lol. My younger daughter will also learn quickly that she'd better not lie, and she'd better not demand. That is the problem with my son, he doesn't seem to know how to ASK. On top of it, when he actually does ask for things, he asks without thinking, so when we say no, he gets mad. Any person who knows how those they are closest to are should realize when something is going to get shot down and not even bother asking lol. He used to get mad about his sister getting what she asked for, but she would ask for things like ten bucks or a ride to the mall, or if I could bring home some $5 pizzas for her and her friends on my way. He would ask for stuff like an Xbox game ($40 or more) or a ride 15 miles out to his friend's house and tell me his mom had no gas so she couldn't bring him home. Ridiculous by comparison.

Venting for the most part is healthy but should not be done directly AT someone you're frustrated with. I have no issue if the kids vent to their friends as long as it is NOT in FRONT of me or where I can hear them. Before you ask me why - this is rude and inappropriate to do that in front of an adult. Like I've told them, I'm not going to get mad about their language if they aren't around me. At home there is a little person PLUS WE don't want to hear four letter words every other minute. If you want to let your kid talk back or snip at you, that's fine, but that also is what contributes to the teen attitude of 'I can talk to any adult any way I want to'. When a teen understands that adults have priority and control themselves as such, THEN they are likely mature enough to be treated as an adult. Most teens these days do not operate under that principle and thus they are not worthy of being treated as an adult. They believe they are equal and that is not true. My daughter used to go on and on about how she was 18 and an adult yet she still expected us to cater to her, give her money, drive her around, and other things that much younger kids rightly expect because they cannot do for themselves. When you are going to buck the rules by claiming you are an adult, then all that responsibility shifts to YOU and by no means should you expect people to do those things for you any more. To address the other part of your post, do as I say, not as I do - I agree that setting a good example is important. HOWEVER. A parent is not responsible to cater to a kids' whims, adults have earned the right to take precedence as far as timing, transportation, and the like. Sorry but when I was a kid, even when there was some leeway, my PARENTS still had the final say. I didn't HAVE to like it. That was the way it was. I still believe this is the way it should be and I don't need to encourage insolence.

I"m sorry that there is still anger there and frustration for you with your children. Before I moved out of my parents house at the age of 18, I was the one responsible for taking care of the house and cooking meals. My mother went to work nights at a meat packing plant, in short, it about killed her physically, so I had no problem picking up everything else so all she had to do was work and sleep. As for my own children. They don't talk back to me or snip at me. I do allow them to vent, but they don't vent at me, just as their own frustrations in their own lives. They are very considerate to young ears being around, just as I am considerate towards them as they were growing up. I understand what you are saying, and I've choice to raise my children different then I was. I can from a stict upbringing with little to no communication other than just being told what to do. To me that is unacceptable. No or Because I said so, just isn't an answer that I think a child (at any age) should be given. As far as a person being an adult and still living at home, well they aren't. If they want to be an adult incharge of themselves then they can move out pay their own rent, car expenses, college and hold a decent job. I did, so I expect nothing short of that from my own children.

LOL! That is exactly what I'd do, tell her that if she is so wise and mighty that she could handle her own life by herself, even if she is only 15. And honestly? If my daughter had a baby when she was 15, I would tell her it was her choice but she'd be doing as much of the care and work herself, tough love. Decisions and choices have consequences and perhaps sacrifices. Just because someone is young does not mean they are exempt from those. I think it is a huge disservice to teens for adults to shoulder the responsibilities like so many of them do. I was not a young nor single mom but if I had been, there is no way I'd have counted on or expected my parents or any other adult to do anything for me. I'd have worked my butt off to afford my own place and kept going to school and done it myself. When you depend on others, they also believe they have a say in your life - which they DO if they are doing things for you! I guess one of the points in trying to force my kids to fix their own screw ups is to make them become independent and NOT need my help if they want to do their own thing. If they expect help, they need to follow the rules and be respectful.

So you would be hurt and immediately assume that your CHILD knows what they are talking about instead of thinking your child is being rude? LOL! I am sure you're not irresponsible. I am also pretty sure that except in extreme circumstances, any kid saying such a thing deserves not to be taken seriously.

I filled in a little in other responses. A lie about something instead of 'do you mind if I stay after for tryouts for something'. I felt roped into HAVING to let him stay based on him saying something was mandatory. THEN a gripe about not wanting to wait for me so instead he was walking, compounded by increasingly ruder texts saying that he was pissed off because he was walking. Very very funny now. Obviously not something I'd let my four year old do but when she's 17? You betcha. Impatience and impulsiveness leads to idiocy.

I really think this stuff has to be prevented from the beginning, never allowed to happen from the time kids are small. When you haven't been able to raise a child from infancy and only entered their life when they were 10-11, it's like fighting an uphill battle. Kids have amazing memory for the ONE time they were able to get away with something, and if it was at all positive for them, they will try it again, even if they get in trouble. It is very frustrating because unless this garbage happens directed TOWARD my husband, sometimes it's hard to get him to back me up entirely. I'm not sure if this has something to do with gender because I have friends whose husbands also try to avoid being 'the bad guy' but as the parent home with kids and having to deal with 90% of this, we really need the backup. It's not about me being mean, it's about me nipping the lying in the bud and not being roped into promising to do something that was never even necessary (or in my schedule) in the first place.

That is exactly it. My kids know that I don't expect them to NOT be angry when they are. What I do expect is that they do not express their anger inappropriately, by yelling at me or their dad (or other adults), blatantly disobeying rules or guidelines, or flat out doing whatever the heck they want - without natural consequences. By all means, go ahead and be angry. Doesn't mean I am going to change my mind and say yes when I already said no, or that I will drop what I'm doing regardless of what it is. When I was a kid, I never had any right to demand my parents cater to me, and as an adult, I still have no expectation that they would. They are parents, not slaves, know what I mean? I also learned that I needed to help myself before I should ask other people, it is very lazy and 'entitled' of anybody to assume they should not do what they can for themselves BEFORE asking for help.

Trying to get what you're trying to say here. I agree that when your kids are adults, your relationship changes. Obviously my own relationship with my parents is that of friendship - at least with my mom and my siblings vs any type of parental hierarchy or me telling my siblings what to do because I am older. I consider us all on equal ground NOW but also I would never tell them what to do with their lives and I expect them to afford me the same courtesy. When I was still 17 though, there is no way I could look at it that way, my mother was NOT my friend, and her decision went even if I did not like it. I could change my own attitude about the outcome and not be a jerk and not get grounded or lose privelages, or I could have a rotten attitude and be a jerk and be in trouble for weeks. If I understand you right, then you agree with me as far as allowing kids to choose to make their own mistakes - but if they do, they also get the natural consequences that go along with the mistake - such as spending all their money so now they have none, or they didn't check in and when they do, you're not home and don't answer, or they didn't make sure they had a ride set up to get home and now they are stranded. Situations like this are supposed to teach them to learn how to save money, plan for situations, or make sure they cover all the bases BEFORE they do something. Obviously for a much younger child, I would step in, but for one who is almost grown, I think it's fair to expect him to dig himself out of a self imposed bad situation when he basically lied to me in order to get into it in the first place. 'Look before you leap' is good advice, and people who do not take it deserve to fall in the mud lol.