Torn between two

Tweet

I a torn. I have a bf but had a simultaneous affair with someone. He knew it. He knew I had a boyfriend but still, he accepted me as I am, no hesitations, no pretentions. We get along so perfectly well that a day seem not enough for us to be together. He never failed to make me happy.I admire him. He was so responsible, independent, smart and goal-oriented, traits I looked forward to a man. He was my dream man I never thought I would had a chance to have. We had planned our future, our family, our home including the number of children we would have. From then on, I even came to the point that I doubted my love for my real bf. Was is just the three years we had been together that I was still holding on? Or was it just my openness to his family that impedes me from leaving him? Until now these questions left unanswered. Secrets never remain as they are forever. After a year, my bf found out my unfaithfulness. He asked me to choose between them. I love him. But I am happier with my "other one". I longed for him but he seem to go on his own way. I tried also to moved on, reconciled with my bf. Five months went swiftly and bitterly. I had long endless gloomy nights. I cried so much. I constantly reminded myself to accept that the past cannot be undone. He can't be mine again. From then and there, New Year came. I pledged to myself that it was timely to move on, to wake up from my false beliefs that he still loves me. It hurts. I and my real bf planned to go to Australia. I said yes,thinking that might be the way to forget things and unwind. But, as I was about to accept defeat, "he", my other one, talked to me over the phone. We coped up with each others' lives. I was vocal about my feelings. He wasn't. I felt hopeless until he said goodnight and put down the phone. Tears fell from my eyes. He never said he loved me in our hour-long conservation. But when I checked my phone, I have read his simple message saying,"Iloveyou goodnight!". I do not know what to feel. I am happy, I am confused. My plans were on chaos again. I do not know what to do, which to choose. I need help. What would you do if I were you? =(