Would you let your child get into a fight?

Hi lakers247; Like you , I don't have children but do or rather have taken care of my nieces and nephews on occasion. Both my sister and brothers kids have experienced bullying. Bullying is not acceptable and should not go un-addressed. One way or the other, confronting the students who are doing the bullying can have dyer effects on those being bullied so I wouldn't suggest that. One of my nieces wanted to fight the girls bullying her and I told her that that was not a good idea. That it would only stoop to their level and that she is a better person for avoid that. There were times that she just wouldn't go to school until she just quit. She is back this year, just in a different school. Other nieces did talk to their Mom or Dad and well, those are tough kids so they managed to handle it themselves. Some on my nieces will come to me to talk with as well. Which is fine but if it is about anything that is a matter of personal health or safety, on their behalf, I suggest for them to talk tot heir parents. If it sounds like they wont, I have, in the past gone ahead and talked in confidence with their parents. Sometimes kids just have to work it out for themselves. Especially if they are not going to talk with their parents. The best advice that you could give the children is to just walk away, make no eye contact and say nothing. Between you and I, people like that, that do the bullying, are the type that can not stand to be "ignored". Sure that may get them riled up but encourage the kids not to do anything to fuel the fire, so to speak. To always walk in pairs if possible. Find out in what circumstance the bullying takes place. Is it at lunch, after school, in class or what? Use your own discretion, put yourself in their shoes and suggest something that would be the wise thing to do so to try and diffuse the situation for the children being bullies. Leave the immediate area if possible and go with a friend or go approach a teacher, even to just say hi. It is sometimes advantageous for the child to speak to an adult, within the school, if they do not want to speak with their parents. Even the school councilor and not because the child needs to be counseled but because someone, an adult within the school should know that this is going on. The child could tell the adult at the school that that is why they are telling someone, not because they need to be counseled, necessarily. If the kids are still willing to go to school, take part in after school activities, then this is a good thing. Shows that they still have their backbone and that the bullying isn't that bad (yet). I am the type of person that would like to see it stopped, naturally. I would listen very carefully and ask questions. Get the full picture. Make your own judgment, from an adults point of view. Kids should not have to be worries about being bullied and is an issue that shouldn't be taken lightly. Talking to their parents is a wise thing to do. Encouraging them to do so would be the first step. The parents are who have the power to make changes if necessary. For example, would it help if the kids were picked up after school? can it be arranged? Is there a different school the kids can go to? When I was a kid, going to elementary school, there was peer pressure. Especially when it came to cloths to wear. It was all about socks. If you weren't wearing a certain pair of socks you were going to get ribbed, bad. How crazy does that sound? I know! It is true though. Luckily I had an older sister and older brother who went to the same school. I always had decent back up. I wouldn't encourage fighting.

This also happened on my child. Although the parents had reported to his teacher, for the courage and goodness in my child, I say to my child, if necessary fight him, a pity if your friend later become criminals. Have a nice day.

of course not, i kept on praying that my children will be safe always and in good condition.. and i want them to mingle people who are good influence for them, how i wish i can be at their side 24/7 however, thats impossible.. and i want them to have their own freedom.. well as a mother, all i can do i to pray for their guidance and take good care of them..

I would suggest that they go to the principal at their school. I would not suggest that they fight it out in any way. If they do not go to the principal or teacher than I would approach their parents myself. Bullying has to be stopped before someone gets hurt. See if there is a teacher or someone at the school that they trust and have them talk to them.

In some sort of way you have a responsibility over them because you are taking care of them but primarily it is best to tell their parents. You have to let these kids understand the need to tell their parents and not to misunderstand why you do such things. If ever the parents will not do anything about it you can also inform the teacher about it. I always see to it that my children are not being bullied or teased at school. Oh well, I am their best friend so they do always tell me what is going on with their life.;-)

i believe that kids will fight and it builds self worth and confidence so yeah i say let em go at it. let em become a man

I would certainly let my child get into a fight as long as they never start the fight. I spend my first 8 years being pushed around and beat up but I wouldn't fight back so they kept doing it. The day I stood up and punched the first jerk that came at me that day it all stopped. He landed flat on his back and no one bothered picking on me any more because I was not taking their cr*p any more. I raised my son not fight unless it was to defend himself.

I honestly think you only have one choice and that is to go to the parents. As you said you will be held accountable if something happens. The bad thing is it is kind of like a catch 22. If you do the boys might not trust you to go to you again if something more happens. Yet if something does happen that is more serious you could be blamed as you knew about the situation. Personally I would try to talk to the boys and tell them that you will talk to their parents with them. Then tell the parents why the boys didn't want to tell them. That they were afraid the parents would be over protective. There are cases where things need turned in and others where the kid needs to face the bully head on to let that bully know it isnt happening anymore and that they aren't that tough. Problem is that you cant make that call as you stated. I hope that it all works out.

lakers247, In the first place, I felt that the victims do not need to go to their parents for help here. You mentioned that you are being entrusted with a babysitting responsibility and one of the things you need to do would be to ensure that they behave. I do not know what your idea is here, but there are such things like house rules. All of your charges will have to observe them without exceptions. If they fail to observe it then the parents will be summoned and if it gets unheeded you can discharge them for the sake of the rest. I do not know why you aren't exercising some authority here and I just cannot believe that you have adopted a rather lame method to this bully issue. I just cannot help but to add here that it is time for you to tidy your own backyard! Cheers.

I guess this is a difficult situation as the boys have told you this in confidence, but I honestly think I would speak to the parents. The boys might be a little angry with you because you've told them, but at the same time it would be for the best, as the problem could then be sorted out and they would be a lot happier!

the best thing is to ask them to approach the teachers and one more thing is if you leave the matter to themselves, they have no one to help. if the teachers dont take action it would be better you tell the parents

Well if they are being bullied they need to stand up for themselves.If they don`t they will be bullied for the rest of their lives.If they tell their parents and they go to the school it won`t stop them from being bullied.

I would allow my kids go into a fight for their own defense. A lot of kids today are bullied and they bottle up all the frustrations in them. When these explosive emotions pile up and goes over the rim, expect somebody will get hurt seriously. Just take a look at the school killings before. Letting out some steam is quite natural. It establish self esteem in the child. We just have to be responsible how we instruct our kids on these situation.