Is it wrong to be a stay-at-home-wife?
By daisyapril12
@daisyapril12 (39)
Singapore
January 21, 2009 12:19am CST
Hi readers, what do you think of being a stay-at-home-wife? Is it a sin for not working to bring in money? Homemakers are not bringing in money but they contribute to make the living place a comfortable one.
Let me share with you how I feel. I have been working for 8 years and married for 4 years without kids, by the way am 27 yrs old. I have been a homemaker since last year but there's this feeling of me "feeling guilty" that most of the time haunting me. I feel the guilt for not working. But please note, I clean the house and cook meals.
Having been working for 8 years and only now I am able to slow down my pace and I became calmer, in fact I am at my happiest moment compare when I was working. But inside me, most of the time I am haunted by "what people will see me as a stay-at-home-wife?, is it a wrong thing to do?".
1 person likes this
11 responses
@charmvenbian (13)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
No, its not a sin to being stay at home wife, good for you, you have the oppurtunity to do the housemaking since it is our responsibility to do that and our husband should be the one to bring in money since you have been working for 8 years so I think its time for you to rest and stay at home where we as woman belongs.
Me, I always dream on how i wish I dont have work and just stay at home, its very relaxing, no stress and no paper works but I just cant do it because our budget is not enough if I dont work..
All I can say you need not worry because your a stay at home wife, your husband must be thankful because you are the one taking care of all his needs not depending on others to do the cleaning and cooking at least your expenses has lessen and the same time your doing your responsibility to him.
1 person likes this
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
You know what? I was like you last time, I had been looking forward to be a housewife during I was working. Because I am a person whom like to do many different things. When I was working, I didn't have the chance to do vary things, most of my time are spent on working.
Finally, I became a stay at home wife now, I am happy with it but why I posted the discussion saying I am guilty, it's because many people around me see me with a strange look as if I am an alien whom not working at the age of 27?
My husband isn't earning much money but because we are not big spenders so for the time being we're manageable with our financial.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jan 09
Hi daisyapril, a stay at home is the most underrated person.No one gives any credit to what she does and frankly at the end of the day only money matters.I too am a stay at home wife since sometime now.I used to work before but gave up my job for the sake of my children's education.I have regretted it since then. i feel that it is better to be financially independent . It doesnt matter Even if your income is small but it is essential to have some income that is yours!
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
22 Jan 09
You are right. It is very important to be there for your kids.But looking back my own mother was a working woman and we children have never felt neglected because of that. I am sure that she herself was happy because she was earning and had the satisfaction which reflected in her personality, and we were very proud of her.It depends on the woman ,how best she manages her job and home and it is possible to justice to both, but with the co operation of the entire family - they need to pool in and help out so that all the members needs are satisfied, thats what i feel.I myself have 3 children and all of them have encouraged me to take up a job which i did, but circumstances forced me to give up a good job and thats what i regret now.But then i have now found the net very satisfactory with a lot of opportunities .
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Financially independent is good. But the time with kids is much much more important, that's what I feel (eventhough I don't have kids).
No matter how much money you have, you still can't buy the time to spend with your kids. To me, if I were to have kids, I would sacrifice going to work and spend time with my kids, teaching and nurturing them (if only financially manageable)rather letting a nanny or some else to take care of my children.
Maybe there are still many don't understand about working-women-turned-housewives, in fact these women are the great contributor to the family. Because they sacrifice their earning power, their status in the working world to take care of the family and when a husband has a wife whom takes care the family, I believe he'll be at ease rather letting his kids to be taken care of by nannies and etc.
@PixieMischief (218)
• Canada
22 Jan 09
there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home wife. IF that is what you want/enjoy.. but sounds like you dont like this.... if not then maybe being a stay at home wife isnt for you.
but there isnt anything wrong with being a stay at home wife.
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Hi, I enjoy being a wife who takes care of the household especially cooking. But most people around my age are working, that give me a feel of guilt that I am not contributing money to the family and left my husband working alone.
Anyway, am not impacted much by this cox eventhough i don't bring in money but I bring an environment that's clean and comfortable for both my husband and my husband to live in.
@SusanShayAvon (1003)
• United States
22 Jan 09
Okay, here is my opinion. Is your husband happy with you being home? Are you happy being home and not working? Can you and your husband make it without you working? I mean if you stay at home are you and your husband going to lose everything that you have? As long as you are happy with it, your husband is happy with it, and you are not going into debt because only one of you are working I would not beat myself up about it. Most men as long as they can survive without their wife working would prefer for their wives to be at home and be able to proudly tell eveyone that their wife is a stay at home wife. First off it means that they make enough money to support the family which always makes a man feel good. And also it shows that they are the breadwinners. If you want to be a stay at home wife I say to go for it!! And do not worry what others will say. Focus on what you and your husband think and what is best for the 2 of you. I am sure that he is very proud to tell others that you are a stay at home wife. That means that when he gets home that he can have a hot meal and a clean house!!! Keep up the good work and do not beat yourself up about it.
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Thank you very much for the encouragement. Yeah, am happy with life now and I once asked my husband whether he feels the same.He found that I am a calmer person (for you info, I am someone who has short-temper) and this make him happier and can concentrate more time on doing his job and his projects.
My feeling of happiness spread! I feel relax and indirectly influenced my husband mood cox I don't get angry so often now. Heee....:)
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
22 Jan 09
I think staying at home is also a full time job and if you capable of doing it with satisfaction then kudos to you.After all you are doing all the household chores satisfactorily and taking care of the home and the family.You have worked for 8 long years and got married,now sitting at home relaxing.As far as money is concerned if your partner is earning enough to be capable of making both ends meets then there is no problem in being a homemaker.
If people around you are bothering you too much for staying at home,just ignore them because it is your life and you and your partner has to decide what is suitable for your life and family.
Before marriage i have worked for 4 years.I wanted to stay at home after marriage to rediscover myself,to have peace and serenity of mind but i have to work because my husband's income is not sufficient to lead a comfortable life.I wish i could be with my son all the time.So dear you are lucky in this regard.
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Yeah, I agree with what you said: "to rediscover myself, to have peace and serenity of mind."
I find I understand myself more and know what I want now. Before, when I was working I kept focusing on work and worked blindly in fact (the feeling was so gray). Now, I am a calmer person and see life's beautiful and more to explore.
Wish you the best, bamrahkirti, you'll get what you want soon, just believe in yourself!
@mjaelaws (26)
• United States
22 Jan 09
I can understand how this can make you feel a little odd because the typical stay at home wife has children at her feet to boot. (No pun intended) I am a stay at home mom and work very hard all day long and if I take the kids out of the equation my day would be a lot less hectic and I might find a few minutes at the end of the day to relax. So honestly I'm very jealous of your situation. I don't believe that you should feel bad about it especially since you have been blessed with a life where you can afford to do this (especially with the economy) and have a husband who sounds like he supports you in your decision to stay home. You also said you do the house work so you're not lazy. You sound like a good woman who is just at a point in her life where you need a breather. This is good that you can take it because you can enjoy life and when you feel right you can get back in the game if you want and if you have kids you don't have to worry about maternity leave and day cares. Trust me that's a plus just right there it was hell on wheels dealing with that stuff for me. I hope this helps now go enjoy a cup of tea and relax you have nothing to worry about.
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Thank you so much. In fact I like staying at home and do my work to make the house a tidy and clean one and I love cooking for my husband. I am not someone who can tolerate sitting there and doing nothing but wasting time.
I somehow feel guilty at times being a home wife because most of the people here are working and when I was asked what's my profession, I told them I am not working and being a home wife, they gave me a strange look that gave me the feel that I am wasting source and time not doing my part well.
My husband isn't earning big pay check but we are still manageable because my husband and I are not big spenders and we keep a look out of our budget.
Yeah, I will get back to work one day hopefully something that I like doing.
@hey_baby (425)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
i would LOVE yo be a stay-at-home-wife! i'd like to take care of my son full time .. ..probably have some more kids :)
i don't think there is anything wrong with it. it's not as easy as it seems, especially the ones with many kids.
i was a SAHW back then, and at times i also felt guilty, thinking that if i was working i could contribute more to the household financially. but staying at home may not give financial fulfillment, but it certainly gave me maternal fulfillment.
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Yeah, not financial fulfillment but maternal fulfillment.
Ones aim is not only on financial fulfillment. I feel happier now being a home wife compared to when I was working where the earning was not so big and so much time has been spent on working and neglected myself and the home sweet home. I don't get satisfaction from there. But now, seeing the my house that's tidy really give me a great satisfaction!
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
22 Jan 09
No there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home wife... I worked for all my 20s, my husband and I were married in 96, I have worked since I was 18, never stopped...and I got laid off after 9/11....while I was on unemployment I got pregnant and became a stay at home mom and housewife.
To anyone who doesnt do the stay at home thing, they have no idea how much work is involved in keeping up the house, the shopping, the bills and running to the post office, etc... the cooking, LOL I could go on.
take this time for you and to manage your household... and enjoy it while you can...LOL
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Yeah, "enjoy it while you can". I actually enjoy doing the house chores, running errands as well as cooking! Despite the fact that they don't give me monetary reward but all these gave me a comfortable place to live with my husband. Happier than during my working life.
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Yes, just as important. But it seems many people around me don't know being a home wife or a housewife is tougher comparing being a working adult.
@joedirtrules (1)
• Australia
22 Jan 09
People should not be judged by how much money they bring in. Too much of an emphasis is placed on this. Its not what you get but what you do and how you go about it. :-)
@daisyapril12 (39)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
Yeah, I don't like the idea of how much a person earns? how luxury he is with his life? These don't mean success at least to me. To me, having a happy life with family is the most important thing. As long as we're manageable with our lives and not giving up on improving.
@inkyuboz (1392)
• Mandaluyong City, Philippines
22 Jan 09
Right now I'm a stay-at-home-son (haha). I just recently graduated and passed the board exam but at the same time, I'm unemployed. I'm trying my best to be of value to the family so I'm going all over the net, scouring for the best ways to earn a buck.
So my final answer is, no. I don't think there's anything wrong with your situation.
