Why does it seem harder now, and how long will it take?
By tina12679
@tina12679 (1126)
United States
January 24, 2009 7:52am CST
So here is the thing I have posted 2 past discussions that involved my mother and her health. And I am really not going to back into explaining it all as it is very lenghty, and hard for me to talk about. We lost her in September, she never recovered from her surgery she had for the diverticulitis that she had got from the diverent meds she was on. They treated her for 3 months and did at least 7 surgeries, and we were infromed that another surgery would not be possible due to her weak state and she didnt come out of the last surgery to well. But after that she got a sever infection of the bowel and the only way to treat her was to remove it and it was impossible, she would have surely died during the opperation, and her kidneys were now going into complete failure and she would have to also be hooked up to dialisis machines. So my mother being still in her own mind decided that it was enough she was tired of the pain and tired of nothing getting better everything just seemed to start going good then bam bad again. So she told the doctors that she didnt want to be treated any longer and just would like to have pain medication to be made comfortable. My sister my aunt and I stayed with her until the end, we were even able to get her moved closer to home since she was an hour and a half away from us. I hope and pray that she is a better place, and I know that any place she is in has got to be better then laying there in pain 24/7. But it hurts not having her here, how long does it take to be able to go a day without crying, without thinking about what if? It is acaully getting harder for me, right after her death I had to be the strong one for my family and now it seems as if it is coming back to haunt me, cause there isnt a day that goes by now that I dont see her in my mind, and the worst part is, I am seeing images of her while she was in the hospital and when she was sick not when she was healthy and happy. I was young when I lost my father and I havent really had to suffer loss until now.
3 people like this
3 responses
@proudnana (192)
• Canada
24 Jan 09
Hi Tina,
First of all i would like to say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my mother in June 2007 due to cancer of the liver, and like you I was at the hospital with her until the end. I was the same as you having to be the strong one to give support to my family and had all the same feelings going through my mind, so I understand how difficult it is for you.
Everyone grieves differently...But, please let me tell you it does get easier in time and knowing that my mom is in a better place and not suffering anymore gives me a lot of comfort. I still think about her daily but not in a sad way. Just take it one day at a time and eventually you will be smiling and laughing and having fond memories of your mom when she was alive and healthy.
~proudnana~
@tina12679 (1126)
• United States
24 Jan 09
Thank you for you post. I am also sorry for your loss as well. I know there is a brighter better day out there it is just so hard to se it sometimes. And yes there is alot of comfort in knowing that she isnt in pain anymore and she can finally rest.
1 person likes this
@proudnana (192)
• Canada
24 Jan 09
thank you tina and trinidadvelasco for your kind words.
I am also sorry for your loss trinidad. Losing someone you love, whether it be your mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife, son, daughter or even your family pet is a tremendous loss. So trinidad, you are going through a rough time as well, No you are not being selfish, all children, young or old, feel this way about their parents. Try to keep your chin up and treasure the time you have left with her, spend all the time you can with her, tell her you love her, tell her you care. I'm not saying this is going to make it any easier when it is time to let go but at least your mom will know just how much she means to you, and that in itself is a comfort.
~proudnana~
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
24 Jan 09
That's only been 4 months, and with you having to be the 'strong' one for your family, you seemed to have put your own grieving off. Everyone is different, as to how long it takes for life to seem to get back to normal. One thing that might help, and I know it won't be easy, is that when her memory starts to come into mind, push the images of her in the hospital out and start remembering when she was happy. Think about happy times you had with her, or funny things she might have done. I am sorry for your loss, but I do believe she is in a much better place with no pain.
@tina12679 (1126)
• United States
24 Jan 09
I try very hard to push the not so good memories out and remeber the better times but it is very hard. And I do feel like I had to put my own grieving aside to be there for everyone else. And I do think that alot of the thoughts that I have are from the "what if" factor as well. There is alot or bad feeling my family and I share towards her care at the hospital she was at.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
24 Jan 09
hon I am so sorry about your lost, but there isn't a magic number, no one can predict who long it will take, it takes time and for some people it takes more time than others. I lost my grandmother the woman that raised me 29 years ago and it still hurts (but not in the same way) because I wish she was still her with me. In time the pain will ease up and you will be able to go on with your life, now I know it is hard to even think about that, but it will happen hon.
