do you love your husband or wife?
By amyzong1026
@amyzong1026 (146)
China
January 24, 2009 10:23am CST
i have a friend.but his married life is very not happy.so he usually finds me to talk about his wife and his family.i dont konw how i can heip him.his wife can not do housework,and not take care of their baby,his parent often do housework in order to reduce their burden.he is a man, and im a woman,i really dont know how to help him make him happy.can you tell some suggestions for me?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
24 Jan 09
Well this to me is tough. First I feel that he should be talking to his wife about his feelings too. She deserves to know how he really feels. Is there a reason his wife is unable to do these things? See if she has a problem like she is handcappied than that might explain things a little more. But if not than he might feel he is with the wrong person, so I feel he really needs to talk to her about these things. AS for you I would lend a ear but I would tell him he needs to open up to his wife too. I hope this helps you in some way have a great day online and happy mylotting as well! 
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Sole care should not just lie with the wife. She just had a child. It is quite a drain on the body and then there is the whole hormonal issue. It is not meant to be a job just for one person. It takes 2 parents working together. He may work out of the home but that is not a good excuse not to help her. Babies are 24-7.
@GADHISUNU (2162)
• India
24 Jan 09
I just do not understand why he is talking to a woman about his wife, even if she is not rising to his expectations. I also feel like the previous poster that he should first talk to her, why she is not able to do housework. It is possible she had been an only child of her parents and they did not want her to be troubled with housework or may be they didn't want to burden her with domestic responsibilities. This excessive love for her has left her untrained for life. He can if he truly loves her teach her if he knows that is. As you say rightly his parents are helping her/him, that is truly too kind of them. But she must be gently taught to face life's realities. Instead of sharing with you, all his family troubles he should work at his marriage. These are very ideal situations for flings to happen.
@GADHISUNU (2162)
• India
26 Jan 09
Amyzong if you want me to state it in simple sentences here you are:
the husband should prefer to talk to his wife about being more responsible, rather than anyone else, least of another woman.
My guess is she(the wife of your friend) has been brought up more leniently by her parents. She might have been the only child or something like that. She has not been therefore trained in the simple aspects of home keeping.
Such women become very adamant and do not easily listen. But love, concern, and trust in her ability to measure up to the needs of family living can bring about a change of outlook.
I hope and assume the husband really loves her and wants to live with her.
When a man finds his home not to his description and he seeks solace in the company and agony sharing with some other woman there is every possibility for flings(extra-marital affairs) to happen.
Are the parents of the man acceptable and friendly to the wife as seen by her. Then they will also be able to make a turn around.
I am speaking from personal experience of 20 years.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
26 Jan 09
From what you posted here, it sound as if he is trying to hook up with you. The fact that he is talking to you and not his wife actually says a lot about him. He is complaining about her but he should be communicating with her...not you on his issues. A new baby is a lot of work. Actually, HE should be helping her if he is concerned and putting her down that his parents are helping her. I remember being a new mom and my first born was collicky. My husband did not feel the need to help a bit. For the first 3 months, I was so sleep depraved, I will never forget it and it was 30 years ago. My suggestion to you would be to tell this man to talk to his wife and not you about his issues with her. She just had his child and rather than help her....he is complaining to you about her? Put yourself in her shoes and you will understand.
@amyzong1026 (146)
• China
26 Jan 09
i think so too.in fact, he maybe want to find a lover and keep his marriage.hehe.so i should not contact him,should i?As a womam,so i can understand his wife's mood,so i often told he should be responsible for his family and their baby instead of me.
@punmsharma (700)
• India
30 Jan 09
It is very difficult to do help him. I think he should talk to her wife about this. And try to know the problem of his wife. may be she is in a problem mentally or physically. Thats why she doing all these things. So you can give advice that try to understand his wife and be cooperative with her.
@amyzong1026 (146)
• China
30 Jan 09
i just know him not her.so i have adviced some suggestions to him,i hope he can deal with their relationship,their family and their baby.hehe.
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
30 Jan 09
I have to agree, he should be talking to his wife regarding his unhappiness. I know that alot of marriages now a days dont have the communication that it should, but if it is to last then he is going to have to find a way to talk to her in a way he wont be putting her down, but a way to encourage to want to do more.... not that it is her sole responsiblitly, he can help out too with the child care and house work, a woman after having a baby even up to the first year, feels kinda overwhelmed and your choice of what is more important shifts, although mine was my children vs the house...
now that my baby is one, I am working on the house more... but he really needs to disucss his feelings with his wife... that is always the first person you should talk to--your spouse. that is my suggestion.
@yina24 (358)
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
well, you're in a deep situation girl.. for sure there's something why he love to talk to you.. well, i am not encouraging you to tolerate that kind of actions.. i am not into it anyway.. but you should set limitations for both of you.. he should be talking more to his wife rather than you.. think about yourself.. just don't want to put yourself in trouble... ^^
@amyzong1026 (146)
• China
30 Jan 09
^0^3q.i should not listen to him and should suggest him to talk his unhappiness to his wife.not me.hehe.
@tina12679 (1126)
• United States
24 Jan 09
I agree with the other posters that he should be discussing the things he tells you with is wife, there is nothing that you are going to be able to make him happy as long as he is there with her and unhappy about that situation and that situation cant change unless he changes it. It worries me that he may be turning to you hopeing for more then just a friend to talk to. Maybe seeing in you the woman he wishs his wife was. Just be careful the whole thing sounds like a tricky situation.
@murderistic (2278)
• United States
24 Jan 09
The honest truth? He shouldn't be talking about his marital problems to another woman unless it's his therapist. I would be very insulted if my husband told his friends that are women about problems we had and complained about me to them. That is very disrespectful and you should stand up to him and tell him you don't want to hear him disrespect his wife to you. If he needs to complain he should be doing it to other married men that can relate to him and give him good advice, not to you.
@mermaidivy (15395)
• United States
25 Jan 09
I would suggest they should open oup and talk to each other to figure out what's going on to share the burden because other people cannot really help help.
@amyzong1026 (146)
• China
25 Jan 09
yeah,but he told me that he talked with his wife,she was not crying was downtown.hehe.and she was always asking his past.hehe.i have suggested him that should communicate with each other,and let her understand your real feeling.but he told me though he told her,she can not stop crying.....
