Do you listen to help, or to prove/show your point?
By rosdimy
@rosdimy (3926)
Malaysia
January 24, 2009 11:05am CST
There are many people who claim they are good listeners. Some of them even offered to listen to what other people are going to say, claiming that they are prepared to help in any way they can. So they listen, and then they take their turn to say their piece.
In my experience there are people who listen not because they really care, but because they want to push their viewpoints forward. In the end the other person feels worse off.
Have you ever had a similar experience? Do you listen because you care or otherwise?
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy2 people like this
4 responses
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
8 Mar 09
It depends on the situation. If I am on a debate or in a discussion to prove or disprove a point, I do listen to look for loopholes in the other person's statements.
It is a different thing when I listen to a person who is sincerely looking for advice. Sometimes, I really have to listen for the sake of listening. Sometimes, a person just need someone to hear him/her out and I will be there just to listen. Sometimes if I see the need to contradict his/her point of view, I do it in a way that he/will take the advice positively.
It is hard to distinguish who does which. Sometimes, this also depends on the one receiving the advice. A good listener may give a good advice but this may turn imposing or received negatively by the other party. What I can say then is, if you are the one seeking for advice, try to forget the listeners' motives. Just take the things which you think are good in the conversation and leave the crap behind. It's hard to know people's motives but we can always learn something.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 09
Being a good listener is a skill which needs to be nurtured. Many of us think that we are good listeners while in reality we listen to only part of it. That is why sometimes the advice we give seems perfect, but it does not really fit the situation. Improving true listening skills is an ongoing process which many of us have stopped doing because we think we already know whatever is needed to know.
Thank you for your response.
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
24 Jan 09
I do care deeply about people. My basic assumption is I cannot, not do I want to, change anyone. I have been told I am a good listener. I find that, often, when people talk, they do not want advice, they only want an ear, a friend if you will. By talking it out, they arrive at their own answer. At best, I may ask a pointed question or two that clarifies what they are telling me.
I know the people you refer to. The say, "Talk to me." But before you open your mouth, they are off and running about themselves, or they are telling you what you should do or what you should have done.
Sometimes you have to hear what is not said. Altho you can't tell from here on MYLOT, I am basically a quiet person. To really hear what is being said, you have to be quiet and listen.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
25 Jan 09
"Talk to me" - I heard that several times in the past. Rarely I met someone who really wanted to listen, who were prepared to lend an ear, and let me say everything. Apart from my mother, I have met less than 10 really good listeners. I may have actually met more but I did not speak to everyone. I do agree that many quiet people are good listeners.
Thank you for the response.
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy
@munhozmib (3836)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Jan 09
Hello there.
I listen to people, but I don't just listen. When somebody wants to explain me a point or something like that, I will listen to it and put myself in the other person's shoes. And I will also see if it does makes sense. If it doesn't, I will say: "I tried to see it as you, but, thinking about it, I believe that this is not very correct. The idea would be..." and then I'd explain in my own words my point of view. Not trying to put the other person down nor anything.
When somebody has a problem, and starts complaining to me, I'll be comprehensive, but I will also tell that the person might just be creating too much problems when actually there shouldn't be. You know, I try to be honest, without being rude. And I usually can. But I have opinions as well, and I explain them.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
26 Jan 09
There is a tendency of some people to say things because they feel thwy are qualified to do so. Unfortunately they usually do things in contradiction to what they say. Herein lies the importance in true listening. Through this method we can discern any inconsistencies in the other person's words. The act of listening is easier said than done.
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy
@AffanRuslan (28)
• Malaysia
28 Jan 09
Oh, I think I got some experience here..
During my PLKN (national service), there's a module we learned entitled character building..
I learned that every people wants to be appreciated and I know that we ourselves want to be appreciates by others..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is some activity during that module..
When someone give their opinion to you (although you know it's kinda wrong), you've to say something like "okey, that's your opinion.. And this is my opinion... bla3 (with some special gestures)
at the end of the activity, most students in my class agreed that they feel better as other people "care" about them..
Although "maybe" their opnions were totally wrong!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOwever, it depends on you whether to you either you listen to people because you take care of them, or myb u've your own points there..
for me, listenig is caring!
*listenig is just listening, why we sholud not appreciate people when it's so easy to appreciate them..?
1 person likes this
@blindmoongoddess (426)
• Philippines
24 Jan 09
A good listener always seeks to understand. They do not just hang on to every word of the person they listen to; they also read between the lines and the body language of the other person. In other words, a good listener is after what the other person has to say. He or she is not self-absorbed. A person who wants to push their viewpoints forward without ever listening is better left ignored. I've had friends like this, and boy did I find it so irritating!
A good listener genuinely cares. It cannot be otherwise.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
25 Jan 09
How can we differentiate between them? As I see it there are good listeners who at the same time are people who like to press home their thoughts on us. The reason why they listened properly is to look for points so that they can counter what we say and make it seems as if everything was our fault.
Usually I ignotre thse who are not real listeners. In each case I told them the reason.
Thank you for your response.
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy