should I trust him or be cautious

United States
January 24, 2009 2:29pm CST
This is kinda a long story so I'm going to try and short it up as much as I can. I've been married to my husband for two years and we have a 4 month baby boy. During our relationship he will tell me if girls are pretty, hot, or just whatever and I would do the same about a guy. Sometimes I have a trust issue with him at times because I can sense when he is lying to me or hiding something from me. We a friend that was engaged and they hung out with us and stuff like that. My husband had told me that he thought she was pretty which was ok with me. My husband is a friendly flirt and it's nothing bad. While the friend and his fiance was hanging out with us. I would notice that he would slap her butt. I told him him that I didn't like doing that not to do it again or he'll be signing divorce papers. Well the couple went back and forth from breaking up to being together. Shortly before christmas they broke up and she told me and my hubby that she was pregnant. We congratulated her and went on our business. I texted her and asked her when she goes to doctor and she said she already went. Now this is kinda the main thing I need help with. She said that its a girl and they couldn't give her the due date. Well I'm not stupid and have 3 children and every time I've been to the doctor they have always told me a due date and made it aware that it could change. I told her to be a girl she is in her second trimester and then she said she was due in feb which was not making since. This went on with saying she had dr appts and things were not adding up. Yesterday she got caught up in every lie by me, my hubby, ex and his parents. After I confronted her about the information she wouldn't talk to me so instead she talked to my hubby which pissed me off and wanted to come over and talk to me about the pregnancy. I told my hubby to delete her number and not talk or text to her again. WELL he texted her after I told him not too. He said he did because he wanted the truth out of her. she said she lost baby due to a cyst. I don't believe her because to many lies. Last nite I made my hubby delete her number. I have a doubt that he will text her again or she will call or text him. What should I do should I call her and tell her not to call my hubby anymore?
1 response
debfife
@debfife (8)
• United States
24 Jan 09
This is a very tough situation and requires that you ask yourself some important questions. First, was your husband like this before you married? Second, does he lie a lot? My guess is that he lies to you a lot more than you know. The lies you have caught him in are only the ones "you know about". My confusion with your story is why this girlfriend lying and why it makes a difference to you. Obviously you aren't going to get a real story from her. She definitely may have gotten a positive pregnancy test and NOT be pregnant. Some ovarian cysts can cause a positive preg test. I know this because it happened to me. As for your husband and this "friend"--- if YOU are the one who must delete the number from his phone, all that does is to make him more secretive. You can't make him stop the texting if he doesn't want to. If you call her, history says she will tell you anything to avoid you. Plus, if she wants to talk to your husband and you don't want her to, she will ANYWAY. You've described her as someone fairly deceptive. YOU are the one who must put the foot down. If there are no repercussions for his bad behavior then he will continue to behave badly. We teach people how to treat us. If you ask him to stop and he doesn't, then chances are that he will NOT stop until he's good and ready regardless of how you feel. He has already proven that. You also might want to ask the ex-fiancee why they broke up. That might shine a little light on your subject.
lizmeek
@lizmeek (31)
• United States
25 Jan 09
They broke up because she is lying alot to him and she is wanting him to settle and he isn't ready. My husband actually deleted her number and not me. I'm not a jealous person but when I know someone that has lied to me as many times as she has who's to say that she'll tell me she is sleeping with my husband just to get me mad and stuff like that. She is 5 years younger than me and I normally don't hang out with people that young. She just turned 21. It didn't matter to me that she was pregnant or not but the fact she was lying to my face about the whole thing. Usually when someone has lied to me as much as she has I'm not going to be friends with you unless I have to be. My husband has never cheated on any of his girlfriends. I don't think he will. He knows when he hurts me and betrays me that I won't tolerate it and I will leave. He knows I don't put up with that crap at all. My ex husband did that to me and I have set my limits. I'm just kinda lery about it because I'm just have this thought in my head that he may try to get us to become friends again. She has too much drama and HONESTLY she has caused some drama between me and my husband. I told my husband last night that I better not find out that they are talking behind my back because I will get my children and I will leave. He thinks that if anyone would cheat that it would be me, but I really think it would be him because he has talked to me about threesomes and when he is drunk he is extremely a friendly flirt and he opens up big time and I wouldn't trust him by himself with the guys. Because I know when married men go out to the bars women has attendency to flirt and try to get them because it's a challenge. I have thought about getting detailed billing with our cell phone to make sure. I don't know, but we have company. His friend from work is getting a divorce and they went to liqueor store and they will be drinking tonight so we will probably talk later.