He Wants Me To Break Up Him And His Girlfriend
By singlemommy
@singlemommy (2955)
United States
January 25, 2009 9:24pm CST
Most of you know the story of my ex proposing to his girlfriend two weeks after him and I were "intimate". Well last week he came to me and was telling me that he didn't think that the wedding was going to take place because they were starting to really be "getting on each other's nerves". He then proceeds to ask me how long it has been since we were "intimate" and I told him it had been a couple months. He looked at me and said, "Well, it sounds like it is about time I mess things up then, huh?" I just looked at him and said, "Mess it up if you want, but you aren't going to mess it up with me" and I just blew it off, no biggie.
A couple days later he called me wanting to know if I would look up a chocolate chip cookie recipe for him online, so I did and I told him the recipe and then I asked, "Is that all you need?". He replied, "Well, that isn't all I need, but I guess that all I need to know". I said, "What do you mean by that?". He said, "You know what I mean by that and I'm not going to say anything more about it". I said, "Well, talk to you later then, bye".
One day last week, I asked him to meet me at our old house. I am deeding it back to the bank and I wanted him to walk through the house with me to make sure that he had everything that was his out of the house. We walked in what was "our bedroom" and he said, "And this is where we made all the magic". I had no comment.
Tonight I found out that she just bought her wedding dress and they have set the date for September 25th. He had told me that they were going to wait a year and a half before they got married and if they are getting married in September then that is not even waiting a year. So I guess she is ready to get the ball rolling and get it done. But all this information he didn't tell me, he acts like it is a big secret and doesn't want me to know when they are getting married or anything. I really don't care, but I just want to know what it is that he wants from me. Why does he keep saying things like, "I don't think we are going to get married" and "it's about time I mess it up", etc? I just don't understand what the big deal is.
What does this man want from me? What does any man really want from a woman? I'm thinking that he doesn't really want to marry this woman and is wanting me to help him screw it up so he doesn't have to marry her. That way he can blame it on me and not take the blame for himself. What do you think?
8 people like this
26 responses
@relundad (2310)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I don't think that he wants YOU to break them up, as he probally has no intentions of breaking up with her! I think that he is just dropping enough lines to keep you "in the mix". Its obvious that he still can be intimate with you, given the fact that you know that he has a girlfriend.
I don't know if you, for some silly reason think that he is going to come to you and say "oh things are wonderful between the new girlfriend and I". This is classic behavior for men to say that things are bad, hoping that emotionally you are still connected and will respond physically.
Since you know that he has moved on, you need to move on as well. Don't allow him to play these silly mind games with you. He will sleep with you for as long as you allow him too, girlfriend or not.
6 people like this
@x0xpinkyx0x (673)
• Brazil
26 Jan 09
Man are dogs!! They always trying to play with our heads!! I think they get a kick out of it, they feel like they're the "ish" because they can be with more then one girl. I think you should ignore him, don't sleep with him, because it sounds like he trying to play you or hurt you. He says he wants to call off the wedding but then he already has a date set up like what the freak?? Don't fall for that, sounds like a player to me.
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
26 Jan 09
I agree. This is a bad situation and I would want to get far away from him and any dealing with him.
3 people like this
@panzerswifey (314)
• United States
26 Jan 09
He may not be trying to get you to break them. Sounds like he does not want her but really wants you.
He is going to use the fact that he wants you to make himself feel better
when he breaks up with her.
Maybe he really is not ready to be married & she is pushing it.
You know women when it comes to wedding planning they can be very annoying.
He may just be used to you so much that he can not see himself married to the woman he is with.
Who really knows what men are thinking.
We can all speculate, but all of us women know that men are a strange species.
And we will never fully comprehend what goes on in their complecated tiny world....lol
@pulangpluma (334)
• Philippines
26 Jan 09
I can't tell much what your boyfriend had in mind for keeping two relationships and keeping secrets from both but I can tell he is not someone you should be wasting more of your time with. He is playing with your emotions and if that is what he is then being with him will just mean having a ride in an emotional roller coaster. I think as a man he should be able to make up his mind if he will be with you or with his fiancee, commit to it and put it in action. Meaning if he loves you more than the fiance he should break up with her soon and be with you or if not then he should talk to you about what you have right now. That is just my opinion though I think you should speak to him. Be careful though and filter everything he says. Goodluck
@ds6413 (2070)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Well What he wants is a bootie call at a drop of a hat. by him telling you that things are not going well he wants to see if you still have feelings for him then when he asks for favors that have no reason he wants to see what are you willing to do for him. He knows that you knowing he is getting married presents an oportunity that you will be more desperate. also he doesnt have to worry about you telling his new wife knowing he can just say you are just wanting to cause problems for both, that way he can keep both of you on a leash. I would recomend if you want him to learn his lessons tape him and send it to his wife,other wise I would just breake all comunications with him he is one of the reasons women think all men are dogs.
save your self and piece of mind break all comunications with him you deserve better.
@reddy_pavan70 (22)
• India
26 Jan 09
most of the know the stoyfdjfld. girlfriend is a chappar. to waste time with girl frien how will do our work. this is love and effection which is we cant decide. sorry to say i am feeling bad with this lobe.i will be very happy without girlfriend.
4 people like this
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
26 Jan 09
What he wants is to mess with your head. That part is clear. He seems like a big jerk and it is good that he is an ex of yours. People like him do nothing more than drag a girl down and space is a good thing to have between the two of you. IMHO
He likes the idea that he thinks that he still has your waiting around and willing for him. He obviously thinks so little of his fiancee and in this case he should be a real man and end it with her if he wants to play around with other women.
I think that distancing yourself from him is more healthy for you. He is bad news, this much is apparent and do you really want anything to do with a man who is engaged but wanting to go outside that relationship?
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
27 Jan 09
What you have to do and what you failed to do was when you broke up and went to live with or love another woman, to have s*x with him. So now he wants to have both of you without any commitment. Of course, he wants you to break up the wedding with the other woman because he does not want to be married. Who is to know that he might have tried the same tactic with you, you might have broken up because you learned he was seeing another women, but who is to say that he went with someone before and when you talked about marriage, he said, 'oh,oh here comes the ball and chain," and manipulated it so that you would break up with him. Now I do not know if you were ever married to him, and the above would apply if you were not married, you wanted him to propose to you, and then you learned he was seeing someone else and you broke it up.
He is a user. I would not be surprised if he did these tricks on others.
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
26 Jan 09
sounds like a "classy" fellow. I think your bottom line assessment is correct.
I do, however, think that the girlfriend needs to be told what is going on. If it messes up because you told her, it is better than it messes up because you did not. He is obviously not committed to her, or marriage. It is too bad she is making all these plans for a man who is not loyal. Tell her! wouldn't you have wanted someone to inform you of his character? he might excuse it saying you are being jealous or some other sort of story but you will have at least cleared your conscience.
3 people like this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I agree I think the girlfriend needs to be brought up to date on her boyfriend.Great ideal you have there Modestah,have a great night.
2 people like this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I sure can understand that.Good Luck!
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Well, he did all this stuff with his last girlfriend too and I let her know about it. It did nothing but cause me more problems when it came to dealing with him because of our daughter. He made me out to be nothing but a troublemaker and I know if I tell this woman what he is doing that it will be the same thing. To me he isn't worth the heartache for me or any other woman.
2 people like this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
27 Jan 09
singlemommy I hate to say this but this man is messing with your head,why? I dont know.Some people that break up with someone just cant seem to leave it at that and let the other one go on with their lives and he seems to me like he is one of them so don't give into him,I know you have kids together so if he wants to see them maybe you should set up a arrangment that a friend takes them or something like that.I dont understand why men do this to women and I am sure women do the same and I feel for you because you seem like you still have feelings for him and I myself was in a similar situation years ago and it can make your heart hurt very badly,you will have to be the one that lets him know your no longer interested in him and then just dont have any contact with him so he will quit hurting you.Good Luck and I will keep you and your kids in my prayers.Have a great night.
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Well, there really isn't any way around dealing with him because we share join custody of our daughter. I just try to bite my tongue for my daughter's sake. I think it is the best thing I can do. It's just that I wish he would just leave me alone and move on with his life. Thanks so much for your prayers, I really need them and appreciate it.
2 people like this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Yeah that joint custody does mess things up dont it,when my girls dad and I got divorced I got full custody but he didnt care anyway because he didnt come around that often.I really hope that he quits messing with your heart,Where is that Prince Charming when you need him.Take Care!
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Yes, I'm hoping that Prince Charming will rear his head soon. 
I was reading my Chinese Horoscope for 2009 and this is what it said,
The element of Earth and the sign of steady and reliable Ox will help the Horse clan make important commitments and fulfill important responsibilities. Be cautious. Snap decisions or comments made without thinking can be cause for regret. Stop, retreat, and regroup if you find yourself flying into a temper when things don’t go your way. Accept life as it comes, and keep your terrific sense of humor. This is a lucky year for romance or even to marry.
The part about "Snap decisions or comments made without thinking can be cause for regret" reminded me of this situation. I think I'm better off just keeping my mouth shut. 
But then there is the part that says, "This is a lucky year for romance or even to marry", so maybe that means that Prince Charming is just around the corner for me. I sure hope so, because I could really use a blessing like that soon.
I was reading my Chinese Horoscope for 2009 and this is what it said,
The element of Earth and the sign of steady and reliable Ox will help the Horse clan make important commitments and fulfill important responsibilities. Be cautious. Snap decisions or comments made without thinking can be cause for regret. Stop, retreat, and regroup if you find yourself flying into a temper when things don’t go your way. Accept life as it comes, and keep your terrific sense of humor. This is a lucky year for romance or even to marry.
The part about "Snap decisions or comments made without thinking can be cause for regret" reminded me of this situation. I think I'm better off just keeping my mouth shut. But then there is the part that says, "This is a lucky year for romance or even to marry", so maybe that means that Prince Charming is just around the corner for me. I sure hope so, because I could really use a blessing like that soon.2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
26 Jan 09
he sounds sleazy! it is quite unfair for him to do that to you...he should clear himself up and tell you straight forward his intentions and not let you be confused and thinking of his true motives, in the end it might end up hurting you! well, confront him, if i were you i would also be confused... and i might end up falling or him or something, plus his girlfriend might end up hurting too...he is a very unfair person!
3 people like this
@pweety_princess (2012)
• Australia
26 Jan 09
I have to agree with nearly everyone that has already posted on this discussion.
He wants you, but might also want the other girl.
Maybe he's trying to make himself "cool."
If you'se broke up because he was cheating on you, I would not go back.
I agree, what's with all the comments he's making? Especially the, " This is where we made all the magic. "
If the girl he's marrying found out what he's saying, I don't think she'd be to happy.
My advice is, act normal to him, if he see's you, and he knows you saw him just do the usual, "Hello."
But be careful NOT to do any of his dirty jobs.
:)
All the best.
3 people like this
@jonnybloom (17)
• India
26 Jan 09
hey dear,very soryr to hear this,but first i wil point out your mistakes,,,, den wil point this,,, but take this mistakes,,,,, not in negative strength but make them ur strong points,,, first why u need to give urself to such a man,, before knowing him completely,and remember alwyz ,,you have ur won dignity and self respect also,, dont respond to his cals,,,and messages also. actually he wants fun from bothside this is what is the reality dear,,,,let him do whatsoevr he wants to do,dont b part of that,,,call off each and evry kinda relationship that u have wiht him.
and secondly,,,, i tell u datz 4 u only,,,,, never in ur life give urself to anybody whom u dont knw dat much,,,, and dont trust,,, and wait till u get married to that person,,,,, c v loose people in life,,,, coz u deserve more best den dat person and i strongly believe this....dont woryr things wil b alrite but u just cut al the contacts with him,,,, regards,,,, with love,,, take care
3 people like this
@SeoulBoy_Art (193)
• Japan
27 Jan 09
Normally, i would not comment on this type of tread but the man wants to make a booty call. Some of us like to know that even if we move on we can always go back and get some.
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
27 Jan 09
Hi,, I think I had met this kind of man once in my life. He used me to make troubles and some waves in his life. I don't understand how they think too. But I can say, he is emotionally childish and unstable. Totally not worthy. He thinks that making those troubles are fun etc also gossips, and it maybe boost his ego, and he thought that is fun. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be with this kind of person nor the one you mentioned. I hope you're doing fine. DOn't let him have control over you. And I would stay as far as away from him. I too, do not think he is serious with the other girl friends. He probably doesn't even know what he wants. :)
2 people like this
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
26 Jan 09
I have to agree with everyone else. I suspect he's not only playing you, but also the girlfriend.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Jan 09
Get away from this man as quickly as you can! He acts like a real piece of work. He is unsure of himself and the situation. He is sort of keeping you on the string because he doesn't want to lose out. He isn't sure of her and wants to atleast have you so he won't be with out incase it doesn't work out. See what I mean? He is confused and the last thing you need. Get away now before you get more intwined in his nonsense.
2 people like this
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
Maybe he just want to feel comfortable with you. He just want to make up with you even just for the times he's not yet married. He might be thinking you're hurt somehow having a past relation with him. Otherwise if he has plans of breaking up with the girl, why push through with the marriage. You can just treat him a friend this time, anyway.
2 people like this
@arrah_1027 (190)
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
This man is just messing with his life out. A sadistic one that can't get enough. He chooses other girl yet still sees you.Aren't you hurt of it? aren't you affected? and he's a brute who does nothing but hurts you emotionally. Now, it's time for you to take the turn. Avoid him.Ignore him.Moved on with your life. You're a nice woman who deserves to be happy and loved not to be torn by someone. There is still someone meant for you out there.Just be happy with your life. I know, right this time your soul mate is now searching for you. All you have to do is to wait for him.
@kimberly99 (54)
• United States
27 Jan 09
That guy is a crazy, what kind of man he is if he is going to marry with somebody after he broke you heart, and now he's gonna missed up his girlfriends life, they make a decision to get married and he's now changing his mind not to marry her, what a man, you better not to talk to him and tell him to do the right thing..
