Are people drawn to you to tell you their problems?

No, I'm not much of a listener, I'm more of a talker. If someone starts to tell me a problem and I can relate it to something that has happened in my life, I'll go into my own story. The only time people ever try to tell me their problems are when they're people like me, who just like to talk and don't care who they talk to. But I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world, so their problems usually fall on deaf ears with me.

Yes I am one of those magnets. Everyone seems to come to me when they have a problem. I guess I am a good listener and I never judge! I have friends who are married or dating and I am friends with both and when they have a fight they both will call or come to me knowing the other is doing the same thing and I get to hear both sides of the story lol! But I never take sides I just offer them my honest opinion.

I am a magnet for this. I am a good listener and I don't repeat what I hear. I am very active in my community and so know a lot of people and know a lot of dirt. I have thought of going into the blackmail business. But then there is that chance of going to he77 so I probably just keep doing what I am doing.

[i]I always does with close friends and I am also very willing to be with them, listen to them in times like this! I am not like this, I handle my problem without sharing it to my friends and I always do it perfectly...but, I have a lot of emotional friends and I also understand them![/i]

I am one of those people. I have a compassion--not to be confused with passion--for drama. I want everyone to be alright when they lay their heads down at night. Though that doesn't always happen in reality, the thought is always nice. I have friends who will tell people to come and talk to me about their legal issues, and I don't mind it until they come back and talk to me again. I have no problem with you dumping your worries on me--they are YOUR worries not mine, but if you persist I can make them mine. There has been times where children are involved and I get involved instead of sitting back. Mostly what I do when it comes to drama is listen, but ask few questions. "How do you feel about that?" is alot better than "so, who said what to whom about what you did with whomever?" Sometimes very little details make all the difference. I am not allowed to get paid for legal advise so I do get perturbed at 3 am phone calls about restraining orders. Hope this helps. Be compassionate, not passionate when you lend that ear. You will sleep at night and that person might be able to breathe a bit better. Good Luck!

Yes I have always had this problem. I have a little speech that goes something like this. If you really want me to answer your questions and give you advice, i want to let you know up front that I will tell you the truth as I see it and you are free to take it or leave it. This often takes the wind out of their sails and they just fade away. I learned a long time ago that you can't help someone who won't help themselves.

I am not one that draws those who cry, perhaps because I don't listen as well as I could. But over the years, there have been those who latch on and need a little nudging to let go. The way I have usually dealt with these sorts of individuals is to find them new friends, new folks who would want to listen. I know, I know, that's a wrotten thing to do. It beats being unkind. Then I could just easily slip away.

No I am not but my partner is and so is my sister-in-law. For some reason they are magnets for people who want to spill their woes into someone else’s ear. For many years when I had an issue I wanted to discuss, I would talk to my sister-in-law and I have to say that I admire the way she handled it. Actually it took me years to realise that she never actually gave me advice but instead would make me decide what I should do. What she would do would be to listen to me about my troubles. Then she would summaries them and ask if that was what I was saying. If it was something major, she would get a pen and paper and tell me to write down all the positives and then the negatives. Then she would tell me to score them from 1-10 and once that was finished we would go through the lists and scores together. She would sometimes ask me why I put a certain thing into that particular category or why I scored something as say an 6 and not an 8. I found that it helped me to sort things out in my own mind, just by sitting down and telling her what was happening. That was I could make a decision based on logic and not on the spur of the moment, rashly. Probably the best thing was that I knew she would tell nobody, and that included my brother, unless I said she could mention it to him. Only a few years ago we were talking about something that had happened about 20 years prior and my brother had no knowledge of it. But I had talked to his wife about it. My partner handles things in much the same way actually and I know people have told her things but I have no idea what as she doesn’t talk about it either.

Yes! I may start speaking to a total stranger only for a few minutes and next thing I will notice is that they are about to tell me all of their personal history. I put it down to the fact that when people speka to me about their problems, I am always one to give them a positive reply so I guess that gives them confidence to speak to me. As for handling the situations, I smile and just let them vent, talk or get their problems off their chest and then I ask a few questions about what they are trying to accomplish in such situations or how they wish to resolve the problems and tell give them some suggestions.

Iam one of these magnets too. I usually just listen and try to offer suggestions to resolve their problems. Some of them just whine on about why they cant use that resolution. I think they just need people to listen sometimes.

Hey there rocketj1 Just lately people seemed to be telling me their problems. I merely comented to a woman about the trouble she was having getting her son into to school and she was virtually dragging him in and then she told me about her and her partner had nearly split up the other day etc etc. I listened but didn't get too involved with it all. I have two friends at my son's school and our kids all play together but my friends kids aren't getting on at the moment during school time and now both of them are coming to me at different times saying that they think it isn't their child starting the problems but the other one! I am in the middle of it really but I am just listening because I don't want to take sides and I certainly don't want to say well she said it's your son causing the trouble etc. That is all I would suggest to any such situations is to just listen and don't give any feedback! LOL

This is such a great discussion, I should have thought of it, and I'll tell you why I type that remark in a moment. As a young teenager and even young adult, a lot of my close friends would confide in me and tell me all of their what would seem to them as "their world is coming to an end" or the sky is falling syndrome. At that time I would empathize with their situation(s), I would tell them this is what I would do if I were you. Majority of the ones that actually followed my advice that I offered, were blessed with an outstanding outcome. Some of the others that didn't listen to me, a few later told me, you know, I wish I had listened to you and took your advice. I'm sure my situation would be quite different if I would have tried what you suggested. The ones that listened would often return to share more of their other situation(s) with me and sure enough, I would tell them, this is what I would do. Again they had a great success with the advice I offered. Then as I become older and a young adult, I started learning more of the gifting(s) and anointing(s) or talent(s) that are given to people by God. As I started sharing the way I would handle situation(s) according to God's word, I've seen even more situation(s) in others lives turned around or simple changed for the better as a result of their trusting me to tell me their problems. I am a logistic manager as a profession, now, I often wondered should I pursue a counseling career, or psychological therapist of some sort. Now that I am an adult, I don't have that many encounters with others who share they problems or situations with me on a regular basis; rather every so often. Now I still offer them what I would do in the situation based upon the word of God that I've been exposed too. I find it sometimes a bit burdensome, but after I've listened to the entire person's story or reason for why behind the situation got them in the predicament that they are in. But that's when the love of God and his compassion moves within me, and I find myself pointing them toward God and providing with both natural practical steps to follow, or to provide them with scriptural references, based upon the relationship I have with them. I don't allow other people to become attached to me. If I think that they are trying to do that, then I will withdraw from them and let them know that I am not their God, only a vessel that can be used by him. I hope I've added some substance to your discussion. Kudos for bringing it up anyway. Happy Mylotting!

I am one of those magnets. My husband is an evangelist and earlier in his ministry he pastored a church for about 10 years so I think it is just one of those things that you learn to do. The best thing you can do when someone brings you a problem is listen and leave your opinion out of it. A lot of people ask for your opinion but what they are really wanting is a vent! LOL They don't want to know what you think...they just want to get it off of their chest! And never never ever repeat something someone tells you in confidence. I have seen so many people hurt by confiding in someone only to find out that they only told one person who only told one and on and on and on until everyone knows it! This can destroy a person. As far as geting annoyed...yeah sometimes it can be annoying but as a rule I just listen and go on.

I really attract people with problems. I am an good listener and people pretty much end up telling me their life history most of the time! Strangers find it very easy to tell me almost anything. Sometimes I do get annoyed but I realize that everyone needs to be able to get their feelings out. I have never had any one particular person that has become an unwanted attachment though. I often wonder when I will find that person that will listen to my problems! LOL! Never!

I always try to lend an ear to those in need, a shoulder to those who need to lean on. I don;t know why but it happens naturally that others seem to trust me. maybe because i keep my mouth shut. No I am not annoyed. I always try to help the other person. however if you feel that the other person is forming an unwanted attachment I would set up my boundary in the first place.

Ever since I have been a young kid, people have always seemed to share their problems with me, even problems that I preferred not to hear.. I think that is why I eventually became a therapists. I believe that there is a profession for everybody and it is not always the one we first choose. My first choice was to become a professional musician, but that changed when musicians became less and less in demand.. :-) Derek

I suppose that could be it for me, since I seem to be attracting all the miserable faces around me, only to have them bare their chests open to me, make them feel better and then disappear.. that's basically sums up most of my 'friendships' -w- so no wondering I never have any long-lasting ones. oh well.. even though it burdens my already burdened shoulders to carry the weight of others' grieves, if I'm helping, even if I get discarded afterwards, I do not mind, I just wave with a faint smile, that's all I could do after having their weights left on my back while they go running away freely -w- sigh

My friends often share their problems with me. I do not feel annoyed or disturbed when they express their feelings. Most of their problems are related to their family problems or relationship problems. Mostly I'll give them some of my opinions or advices regarding to their problems. I feel relieved if I can ease their tension for a bit, well that is what friends are for. Oh, by the way my most of my friends who share their problems are men/boy. LOL they don't cry on my shoulders.

hello rocketj. some people are JUST magnets. i don't know why this happens to me. if i meet a new person and be with them for sometime, within a week they tell me all their problems. i'm a very good listener but i don't know how to console people. also many frineds open up to me. listening to their things i get freaked out sometimes. and i dont understand why they tell this to ME. i get annoyed when i listen to the problems of the regular trouble- makers.

To start off with, I think that all codependent relationships must maintain a balance to remain healthy. In any given situation, advice must remain simply advice. The choice and decision of action is the responsibility of the party seeking advice. That being said, confidant/confiding is an essential portion of solid relationships. At least with women. Interpersonal connections for women are based on who can be trusted with the most guarded secrets. Men build interpersonal relationships and friendships based on who they do the most hobbies with (i.e. play sports, fishing, camping, shoot pool- you get the drift.) When giving advice, the first thing that i do is ask "what else could this mean?". I ask the person seeking advice and my self this question. This helps them broaden out to what the root of the matter might be, if it is unclear. The next thing i do is reiterate what they said using i phases. Example: What i am hearing is that: (fill in the problem). This seems to redirect the problem to the person from an out side angle. It also seems to make the problem seem to be more manageable. After we establish what the problem really is, we break it down into single issues. Most big problems never have just one issue. From the break down of issues, we address each one individually. I generally attempt to look at it from a realistic point of view. My girlfriend was getting into some major debt. We took all of her bills and there were a lot, and we called each one. We got the current information on the account, the balanced owed, and interest, if any. We already had the mailing addresses. Next we started making as low as 5 dollar payments on some accounts and started with the ones that had the most interest. By making small minimum payments she was realistically able to pay off her debt. It her took a while but eventually she got caught up. It just took some time and a little bit of social ingenuity. I think that calm people seem to draw the most attention when it comes to advice seekers. The is a sense of comfort that is associated with calm. I draw attention from advice seekers for a couple of reasons. Some of it is the calm manner in which I approach situations, others because of my leadership skills, but mostly I think because I am a mom of 4 children. And when you have that many children, you are expected to know quite a bit.