Should i press the issue of marriage or leave it alone?

If it means that much to you I would push it. If it were me I would have started pushing a long long time ago. I think by now it would be a common law marriage anyways. It's not just a slip of paper telling you that he loves you it's so much more than that. It's a commitment he has to be willing to make. Just let him know how much it means to you and how hurt you are by the fact that it hasn't happened yet. Good Luck!

When was the last time you talked about marriage? When was this getting the marriage license thing? If it were years before, then perhaps things have changed. Why don't you ask him again in a less serious, less coercing voice and see if his thoughts about marriage have changed. Maybe he is just waiting for you to start this discussion. It hurts not to be carrying his name and really when worse comes to worst, you wouldn't have any claim. With the kids and all, I think it's just the piece of paper that's missing. Perhaps, you could tell him honestly how this means a lot to you and how happy you'd be to be his wife.

After 11 years I would start pressing the issue of marriage. A lot of people would say don't bother but I guess I'm old fashioned where that is concerned. My daughter was with her man for 20 years and never married. In the ended up almost killing each other! I say go for the ring!

Wow, I was just reading though all the comments and you must really love him. Because there is no way I would have stayed with him. I am not as jealous as I used to be and I those txts were too much. I would call that cheating. I don't care if he planned to act on them or not. So, you both cheated on each other in the past - looks like you have risen above it, but it doesn't sound like he has. It saddens me that he is not mature enough to over come his fear (or excuses) to marry you. It might just be a piece of paper to him, but he should recognize how important it is to you. Not to mention the benefits you would receive - I assume medical and life benefits. I would hope that he would want to have you covered in case something ever happened to him.

Disclaimer: To those who don't already know, I'm Jen's mom. I've had a couple of talks with Joey about this...even started a big fight over it once...but a couple of minor health issues that you have which aren't being addressed due to your lack of insurance coverage concerns me. If something happened to you tomorrow that could have been avoided had you received regular medical care, I doubt Joey would be able to forgive himself. I do know that he loves you and the kids but he keeps falling back on the abandonment issues he harbors because his mother ran off when he was so young. This affects his ability to trust completely. You, however, have the right to be able to get treatment for your migraines and to have the problem with your neck looked at...among other things. He also has control issues, as you know...which he gets from his father. Remember how getting the marriage license was his idea and how you had no idea that you guys were going to the courthouse when you got it? If you push too hard he will push back but I'm not saying that you should keep quiet about your feelings either. Joey says that you don't express your feelings so maybe this is an area where you should start. Tell him how you feel separate from him and the kids because you have a different last name. Ask him how you should answer when one of the kids eventually asks about it. It would be a lie for you to say that mommy doesn't want to get married so how would telling the truth make daddy look? Tell him that you've neglected your health for too long and that you need to see a doctor about your headaches and your neck...for your benefit and because you can't really take care of the two little ones when your head is throbbing. You've been getting headaches more frequently and need to be on regular medication...it's been put off for too long. So, let him decide how it's going to be handled...out of pocket or through the insurance? He had reservations when he left his last job to take the (better) one he has now but he took the chance. With the uncertainty of the future of the industry he has reservations about staying there but he's taking the chance. Whether the two of you are married or not, if a breakup happens somewhere down the road, it's going to be just as difficult and just as painful because of the children. The odds of a future breakup lessen if you're married...not because of a piece of paper but because of the vows you take. They're usually pretty important words with a lot of meaning behind them. Lastly, though, I would recommend that you wait until his father is doing better because he's pretty concerned about him right now so he's already stressed about that. If you want to talk to me before you talk to him so you can get your thoughts and words in order let me know. I know emailing him is easier for you but this really should be done face to face when you do it. I love you.

what i can make out from your discussion is that you have a very long and steady relationship.Though you have seen ups and downs in your life bur both of you have always been together.You have 3 kids and he is taking the full responsibility of the household.I think marriage should not be a big issue for him because it will definitely boost your relationship and you will feel more secure.Convince him,tell him the advantages of getting married,slowly and steadily try to persuade him .I hope he will definitely understand your wishes and aspirations and go ahead to take a marriage license.

I can not really answer for you - but for myself I would not hang around if he was not willing to marry me. 12 years and youth of the woman wains away waiting for him to commit. I do not think it is the piece of paper that marries you, it only makes it legal for civil reasons... like the health insurance issues. But, in my belief it is a commitment made with God. Would you want any of your children joining lives with someone under the same circumstances, 12 years - procreating, not married?

Why flog the dog with a wet straw? Do you honestly believe a marriage certificate will make your union any Happier? Did you know you can get your name changed without being married? You will be sorry ever after if you leave. Stop grasping at straws, grab hold of what you have and be Grateful!

Personally for me I would have to (press the issue of marraige) as the lentgh of time being w/ him is quite long enough to say it's just for fun. I believe marraige to be a serious commitment and it seems your man doesn't believe in it at all. Well sadly it's the disadvantage of such kind of relationship because you cannot have the legal rights you ought to have supposedly had you been married. If you are really interested in settling down and have a legal family you can call your own I guess you have to talk this seriously w/ him and explain him the advantage of being married. Am just wondring why he backed out for that reason, considering the lentgh of time you were together; you must have known each other pretty well enough. Does he still thought of finding another? Why can't he make such commitment w/ you? And most of all, does he still love you? those are few questions you need to talk w/ him as I have seen the issue of backing out stems from these.

If you want a marriage then you have a right to be in one.Don't let him make that decision for you!You have three kids with this man.He's not respecting you or your children.

For almost 12 years, he is living with you and you have 3 children, meaning to say there's something with you, he didn't see in others. You have all the edges compared to his previous or even to those whom he's flirting at present. Have a little more patience, just be yourself continue showing great love and concern for the family. Be more thoughtful, more caring and understanding. Avoid starting even a little quarrel. Maintain the bonding and happiness in the family, then pray hard to God to touch Joey's heart and mind to grant you the marriage you'd been longing for. Pray, pray and pray to God before you talk to him about marriage. God is Good. With him, nothing is impossible.

I think you should bring this issue to him again. If I were you, I would tell him I really want to be your official wife, part of the family to become a real Mrs. ???. It's really nice that you can have a good relationship with your fiance for such a long time, maybe now it's time to really write a new page with him - to get married to become somethin bigger. I wish you the best! :-)

HI. Wow after elven years, to me that is to long of a time, and not get married. I know me i would push it. I really do not believe in living together, I am the old fashion type. Some people together would choose to live together and they are happy with there decission. Which i feel that is great, they both want it that way. Its not for me. I do not believe in living together. You want to and he does not, saying he is not ready. Will he ever be ready? I would with no doubt i would press the issue with him. Good luck

I've read many of the post people have replied to you and you got a lot of good advice. I asked my husband about your situation and he said that their something up with your boyfriend and he needs to really start talking. He also says that you should really seat him down and tell him what it means to you because you want to marry the love of your life and the father to your children and you understand that he doesn't need the paper to let him know he loves you but he should let the world know that his with you because when you go some where your being looked at as this woman who just have his kids and it's even effecting your health and that he says he loves you but he really have to prove it. I personally i agree with my hubby and I came up with the similar advice but i felt in order to help you out you need an mans point of view. oh and my hubby says that he shouldn't bring up the fact that you cheated on him because you both choice to move on and pass that and you both made mistakes . Oh and as for that text i feel it's cheating and he can't be that naive in tinkling that's normal convo I hope my advice helps you

Hi swtjen, difficult problem, you have. I think, pushing never works, for it wil only drive the other person away. On the other hand, you might want to sit him down and talk about how you feel about this and express your wishes. I don't now about your country, but in mine, having children is a very good reason to get that piece-of-paper. Legally, everything will be set automaticly, incase something bad would happen to either one of you. So making it official, saves a lot of trouble in case of personal dissaster. Mabe it will get him to think about it. Might not be the intensions you'd hope for, but at least its another thing to think about... Be well...

My suggestion is you can ask him politly about whatever you are having in your mind. asking frankly surely will give a solution.

I don't about your culture but base on our culture, marriage is very scared and is one of the most sweetest way to express how dearly we loved our partners. For us, being married is the last step to test our relationship. And no offense but, I think your partner just does not want to get himself tied to someone else and lose his freedom. Just like what you have stated, he is a flirt and most likely if you guys will get married, you'll have more reasons to get jealous and he will no longer have any excuse for it. You guys are already near to your 12th year anniversary and already got 3 kids. If I were you, I will push this marriage to your fiance. Just tell him that if he is really willing to spend the rest of his life with you, then getting married will not bother him at all.