Improve me?

Oh Jo, My Twin is trying to change me in the likeness of her. First of all I've always been too overweight, even when I looked good. My hair can never be right according to Elaine. It's always too short and not fluffy enough. She says I'm the lucky one, that good things come to me and never to her. Today is our Birthday and our youngest brother gave us each a five dollar scratch off. I won $5.00 and she didn't want to tell me how much she won because she thought I'd get mad that she won $100.00. I was thrilled for her!! But had the situation been reversed, guess who would be angry and whining that she never wins. I can't win with her. The story goes on and on. It all come down to insecurity. She is so sadly insecure that I try not to get pushed out of shape when she starts. Don't let these people bother you. I think you are wonderful. I don't care how you dress, I love your honesty, reading intellectualizes you and you don't give 2 hoots what they say or think. Those are some of your best qualities.xoxoxo leenie

Oh, yes. Everyone's an expert on how I should live. However, people don't know anything about me, so I don't see how they think they know so much. My mother in law, for example, thinks I should go to church. Been there, done that. It doesn't work for me. She doesn't understand that. I have stopped listening to the advice of others. My close friends know better than to try to give me advice like that, which is why I consider them true friends. They like me just as I am, which is okay with me. You sound like you know better than to tell these people how you think they should live, which means you have some sense. Unfortunately, people like them are always going to try to tell people like us how we should live. We just have to keep ignoring them and telling them to mind their own business. I'm happy just like I am and if I feel like I need to change something, I will.

[i]Hi cobrateacher, I never have a friend like that..I can't imagine anyone telling me what to do! I mean it's great to hear suggestions from friends but not to the point of telling us directly what we need to do! I guess your friends need to be told to focus on their lives instead of evaluating you! LOL![/i]

hi cobra, why do i feel like we are discussing my in-laws - they think i cant peel onion - they said i should not trust my own mother as she will try to harm me and husband - she told my husband not to allow me on top during "s##" - they returned the gift i bought for them n exchanged to something else, with help from my husband - i am a servant when i go to their house i even took time to think was it just me feeling this way ...i looked on the mirror, i saw myself...a manager who brings more than 2 million in revenue for my company .. a woman respected by her brothers n sisters for her achievement, a woman whos patience of 14 years before marring the only man in her life, a woman who was promoted 2 times in a year, a woman where during economy crisis still gets 4 month bonus .. i realised no matter what, i will never fit for their child who has debts more than 2ook n i am helping to pay ... anyways....i just pretend stupid.. cheers

Sometimes people just cant help to meddle, its purely psychological, they tend to meddle because deep inside i think, they want to change something within them but its just not possible, or they have experienced something in the past that they want to improve but the past is gone, you cant change it. Meddlesome people are annoying. But hey, wont hurt to listen to what they have to say, still the real decision is in your hands. Its your own life after all.

Hi cobrateacher; Before I begin, let me apologize for being so late in responding to your discussion. Knowing that this would happen, I started a discussion a month or so ago apologizing in advance for not being able to respond to my friends discussions due to time constraints. In any event, I am getting around to some of them now and ran across yours. I think I know how you feel, and people do this for many reasons from the well intentioned to the selfish and hurtful. Some times it's easier to tell other people what to do then it is to take a look at our own lives and judge ourselves. A lot of times we walk around with blinders on, and don't see ourselves the way others do. And, a lot of times when people behave in that manner, other's aren't honest enough to tell them they should mind their own business. When it goes on long enough, it becomes a way of life, and we just may be better off without that kind of person in our lives. Life is difficult enough, and you certainly don't need your friends like that bringing more stress into your life. You be true to yourself, and do what makes you happy. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, you owe it to yourself to be true to yourself and be who your are.

There is no earth for advices and guidance from people around us whose lives are out of control already.People tend to advice since it is one of the easiest thing to do.I am very level headed and I know what I am doing.With my experience and maturity I think that I can mange my life very efficiently without the guidance of the people who have lost their way. This reminds of the finest words one of the greatest comedians of our film industry has written and autographed for me. "When you need help people will offer advice and when you need advice people will readily help."

yes there is one guy in my class that keep telling me come on get a boyfriends, get a boyfriend please. i mean ? it is not your bussiness. loooking this back on himself, he had not even had himself one girl friend ever! and what he did was looking at guys and complimenting which guys handsome. also he keeps telling people around they look no good, that they need to change their clothes, hairs, make up etc. it is just too mean. yes i always wanted to tell him to look in the mirrors himself. lolz. seriously he is the worse person if i would ever want to compared with the rest of the people. heh!! whatsoever, let him be. i dont care less about it anymore. i am happy with who i am and what i am doing. you were doing bring for going back to pay the things. i beleive in karma. if you done something it shall come back to you.

If someone asks me for improvement suggestions then I will offer suggestions where I believe I can actually help. If it's an area where I have no expertise or experience then I say so or if it's here on myLot I just don't say anything at all. Honesty is not a flaw. Delivery of that honesty may need work for some people. There can be big differences between being tactful, straight-forward and brutal. But there certainly is nothing wrong with your example. If anything it deserves respect. There is also a big difference of knowing when to say something or keeping your mouth shut. I am not the most social person in the world and spend a great deal of time at home reading as well. I'm in the public eye quite a bit with my band so I get plenty of social interaction, sometimes more than I care for. I don't go to every party or event to which I am invited. Physically, it's not something I can handle very well anymore. But I do spend time with my friends. As far as people telling me how to live and improve.. no, I can't think of anyone who thinks I need to change. At least no one has said so. Am I happy as I am? I'll say happy but never content. I am always looking for ways to improve myself.

yes, i know how you feel. i say just be who You are as a person not what others want you to be. enough already....i think there will always be someone trying to tell us or want us to do something they think we should do but they are not us. we have Our lives to live. we can't live others lives. best to you

I hate when that happens... You're right, usually the people who always have advice for us to fix our lives should spend a little time revising their own life. as the saying goes, check out the plank in your own eye before you complain about the speck in mine. lol! Happy Mylotting...

I am very, VERY happy as I am - if other people don't like it, they're the ones with the problem. You can NEVER read too much - and as for clothing, I've been on an early morning walk still wearing my dressing gown, which gives you an idea how little I care for what I wear - or what anyone else wears, for that matter. Socialising? Nah, try to avoid that like the plague, too. It's funny - but I have a feeling the people who criticise are not too secure in their own skin ...

Hey cobrateacher! Isn't it always the ones that need the improvement the most that want you to change your life? I find that really funny! My X-best friend was like that! She was always telling me what was wrong with me instead of taking a good look in the mirror at herself! She was selfish, spoiled, arrogant, nasty and no one liked her! But, yet she would constantly pick on me! I finally had to cut her out of my life! Just like you described the people telling you what you should do, they are really the ones that need to change! That's why I do what I want to and don't listen to anyone else!

I could not agree with you more, it seems like everyone is so busy pointing out our flaws, that they forget to worry about themselves first. I don't need anyone to tell me what to wear, I'll dress however I please. I also hate it when people try to give me advice on how to raise my children just because of my age. I know how to raise my childre properly thank you, in fact they have better manners than 90 percent of the people out there. I hate when people try to make me into something I am not, I am very happy with who I am and I don't want anyone to tell me how to live. I agree with you, these people really need to stop worring about us and concentrate on their own lives.

This sortof reminds me of what my Mom tends to say about psychiatrists: "They often go into that business because they need it themselves!" ...and often we've found that to be the case, xD I think when people say stuff like this, it's often a cry for help via their subconscious. They know they're messed up but don't want to admit it...so they project, continuing to deny it. *shrugs* Sounds like you've done all you can do about it, Cobra. Just keep in mind that it's not an actual reflection on you and try nto to feel too negatively about it. After all, it's just their problem. Not yours. Truth might be, they envy you...but that might feel bad to them, so all they can think to do is critisize and project.

Absolutely, I have the same experience. They may feel they are kind to point out your shortcoming. But I don't like to listen these advice repeatly. Sometimes I don't need their suggestion. So I just neglect what I have listened for many times.

surely i have! the more sacastically, i had been preached to do the way they thought it should be on the things they have never exprienced! like relationship.I even feel weak to offer a rebuttle to their 'good' advices.....that's lame.but have to say, some times those buze are really bad to hear, yet good to follow..real friends do care about us..

what i think is u need to move according to u but sometimes u need to listen others opinion also which helps u sometime......

yes even i do have encounter such people...they often ask me to keep my temper kool

Oh yes, I know at least two people in my life that tried to change me. One of them even asked me to change my name because it sounds too "Westerner" (Natalia taken from the word Natal which means Christmas in my language). So I asked her to leave me alone in 5 seconds or else I would really love to kick her butt :) I'm happy as I am eventhough I'm far from being a perfect person. I thank God for my life, and there's nothing I would change.