In Law Rant again!!
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
January 27, 2009 12:12pm CST
My FIL has been doing nothing but stressing us out these past couple days. Yesterday he called to DEMAND to borrow our car, which hubby allowed against my wishes. Since FIL returned it with no gas and a broken door, hubby refused to allow him to have it again today. So the two of them got into an argument.
Now, as some of you are already aware, the house we live in is owned by my in laws. We're supposed to pay them rent every week, and each week they call us looking for their money, claiming they desperatly need it because they have no food, no gas, and need all this stuff. (Yet all their bills are 2 months behind, and the way we figure, they easily have $1,000 extra after their bills).
So anyways, hubby and FIL get into this huge argument this morning over why FIL can't take the car. FIL gets angry and starts yelling at hubby about rent. We warned him earlier this month that we may not be able to pay him the whole amount each week due to a $600 power bill. He was fine with that at first, but since he got angry he told hubby he needs to pay the whole thing, regardless of our power bill. He even had the nerve to tell hubby that we should get something turned off (ie: cable, phone, internet). Well, we don't have cable, our phone is a necessity, and my internet pays for itself... and that's all we have, so there's nothing else to turn off.
But what ticks me off is this man is trying to tell us how to live our life, when his own bills aren't paid, he has cable, phone, internet, and even a car payment ($400 a month). We have no car payment because ours were purchased outright. Like I said, between the money he gets from SSI, and the money MIL gets through SSI and her jobs, not counting the money they get from us, they easily have over $1,000 a month.
Anyways, after they argued, FIL ends up calling here, even though he knows hubby is at work, and leaves a message on my machine basically saying he's going to come take the car, whether we like it or not!
Okay, thanks for letting me rant again. I'll be so happy once we move out of this place and have nothing to do with them anymore. Oh yeah, that's another thing. As of a week ago FIL was all set to put the house in our name, was even supposedly getting started on the paperwork. Well after today he says that's not happening now (just because he can't use the car). Hubby told him if we don't get the house we'll have no choice but to move, because we can't afford to live here if our power bill is going to be so high every winter, and the in laws aren't doing a thing to fix the house up at all. If we move, FIL will not be able to get someone else to live here, especially not for how much he expects to get out of it. Nobody can afford to live in this place. Not to mention, if we move, I doubt I'll want to give them our new address. I'd like to just be done with them after all this. Hubby can contact them if he wants, but if they have our address, they'll still treat us the same, stopping over unannounced, thinking they can do or say whatever they want to us. Not happening! I don't want to have to move, but I don't want to stay here unless we get the house.
4 people like this
14 responses
@dmrone (746)
• United States
27 Jan 09
I am sorry for what you are going through. Do you have a rental agreement with your FIL? If you don't, then you need to seriously need to think about moving. You FIL sounds like a very manipulative man. If things don't go the way he wants them to, he thinks he has the right to take what he wants. I can understand wanting a house of your own, but sooner or later his actions will result in an argument between you and your husband. Most inlaws think that they can do as they please even though their child is grown and married. I am sure you and your husband have waned to keep peace, but your husband may just have to come around and tell them to mind their own business. If you want to stay in the house then tell the inlaws the only thing they are to be concerned with is the rent. If they are going to give you the house make sure you get it in writing, to protect you and your husband.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Jan 09
We don't have a rental agreement, and they're actions have already caused arguments between me and hubby. It's been going on like this for years, but lately it's finally to a point where hubby is fed up with it too. Unfortunatly they're stll his parents so he forgives them a lot easier than I can.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Jan 09
They do hold it over our heads, and have even threatened to kick us out before. Pretty sad that my husband's parents are willing to force us to live on the street with our 5 children! Part of why I want to get out of here so bad.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Forsure they are! Problem is, I'm a control freak too, so it doesn't work for me. I was raised by a control freak and learned how to be controlling from her. Now hubby is great because he wants no control what so ever, and actually feels the most comfortable when someone else is in control, but his parents have pushed it too far. It's one thing for me to control my own household (at least I speak to hubby about my decisions before making them, and normally he'll just say whatever I wanna do is fine with him) but his parents think they can TELL us what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. They don't offer suggestions or even ask what we think about their ideas, they just try to force them on us, and they're ideas are always WRONG!!!
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11833)
•
30 Jan 09
You poor thing. What a load of stress.
They say that families can be our best friends and our worst enemies. Sounds like your in laws only fit half of that!
Isn't myLot a great place to get your ranting feelings out? You can spill and get it all off your chest. Hope you feel better now.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
30 Jan 09
Yes, I'm starting to feel better, but only because we're plannin on moving very soon! It's a wonderful feeling.
@SuzyLong (775)
•
27 Jan 09
Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble, some people are just too greedy. It will be their own downfall because one day they won't have anyone but themselves. If you do move and don't give them your address, they are going to getone hell of a reality check. I hope it gets better for you xx
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Jan 09
They've already alienated their daughter. I forget why, but she and FIL had a serious argument, and she hasn't spoken to either of them since. They'll be losing us too soon.
2 people like this
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I made the mistake of living in a home owend by a family member one time, and so help me, that will be the last time! It was nothing but a hassel. Constantly arguing over the caretaking of the house and such.
She made it seem like the house would be "ours" we would just be making the payments on her credit. Well, she was constantly doing "inspections" on the house and complining how it wasn't tidy enough for her. Sanitation was not a problem, just clutter. I also had a dog and she complained about the smell. It was an outside dog and I cleaned up after her and bathed her. She didn't smell...just had that distinctive dog smell, which I happen to like.
It finally all blew up when I got pregnant with my second child and she literally kicked me out because I got pregnant. Now, why she did that is beyond me. I have an older daughter and had been married forever...6 years before my 1st child was born! It's not like I was some baby factory taking advantage of her kindness. Sheesh! I still have problems talking to her. Occasionally I drive her 10 minutes home from the airport and I get $50 off her for "cab fare." I figure it's only FARE...get it...my little pun on fair.
Oh nevermind...I'm such a geek. lol
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Jan 09
LOL. We had also lived in a home owned by family before, and swore it wouldn't happen again, but this time was supposed to be "different". This time it was his parents and we really didn't expect them to do this to us. Live and learn, right?
@Dustysgal325 (19)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I totally understand where you're coming from! My in-laws drive me and my husband insane a lot. My FIL just thinks he can come and do whatever he wants at our house because we built our house on an acre of their land that they GAVE to us! They are in so much debt because of land that they say they bought for us to have. But what they really want for us is to BUY the land from them. We keep telling them to sell it because we (and his 3 other brothers) can't afford to pay for this land. But they are still hanging on to it even though it's making them sink deeper into debt. We, of course, have to hear them complain about not having any money. They could afford to keep the land if his dad would stop maxing out credit cards on random, stupid things! We've estimated their debt to be around $250,000.00. If I were you, I would just move out of the house and distance myself from the in-laws. They're just causing problems for you and your family. In the future, it may end up coming between you and your husband. I hope everything works out for you!
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2055)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Sounds like it is time to change the locks on both the house and the car. Change your phone number to. That will teach him. And the nerve he has of demanding it again when he damaged it. I am proud of your husband far standing up for what is right. It is hard to do with a parent.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Well hubby ended up speaking to his mom after all this was over. He CHOSE to allow HER to borrow the car, but said only she could drive it. He also told her that we are planning on moving if they don't get the house in our name, and if we move they won't get our address. And he told her that if FIL calls here ever again we'll change our number and get it unlisted.
We are looking into moving, we're also definitly getting a new car soon because his is damaged beyond repair at this point.
@writermom8 (913)
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
Your situation sucks. So sorry to hear about the hard time your FIL is giving you guys. At least your hubby knows how to stand up for your family. I have a friend who is being verbally abused by her MIL regularly and my husband's friend won't do anything about it.
Having no contract or at least a kind of signed agreement about the terms of your stay in that house makes you very vulnerable to the kind of abuse you are experiencing now. If your FIL doesn't turn over the rights to you soon, I pray that you will have the resources to be able to afford moving to another place. It's not right of him to continue holding the house over your heads for the past 3 years.
Also, your FIL sounds like he needs a psychiatrist. What kind of person is that who can abuse his own flesh and blood?!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Jan 09
He certainly needs a psychiatrist! The man completely drives me nuts, but will never realize that what he's doing is wrong. I've often fantasized about bringing them on the Dr. Phil show so he could tell them off! It's not just my FIL, my MIL has her own set of problems, but at least when we yell at her about something, she backs off and doesn't speak to us for months.
Like with her, one of our biggest problems is she's always stopping over without calling first. So we'll tell her she can't do that, she needs to call. Then she takes the attitude of "Fine, I'll just never see you guys again" That would be fine by me, lol, but after time she calms down, and suddenly stops over again without calling!! ARGGGGG
That's part of the reason why if we move, they will not have our address. And if we own the house, I'm going to tell her off the next time she tries that!
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I couldn't live like that. It would be way too stressful. I'd probably be bald from pulling out my hair. Hope it works out for you.
@shymurl (2765)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Hunny you are not the only one. My father in law live right down the road from us. He doesn't own our house we pay somebody else rent but that doesn't stop him from coming down and telling me how to things around there. We got into such a huge fight one day because he said I didn't do anything and I was lazy. He came storming into my home like he lived there. My husband didn't say anything to him which made me ever more pissed. After a couple days he said he talked to his dad about what he did. But that doesn't stop him from telling me what to do. I'm like you I can't wait till we move. I didn't marry my father in law. and he's not my dad so I shouldn't have to take ORDERS from him. Good luck to you.
@patms1 (521)
• United States
28 Jan 09
WOW! this sounds so horrible. It sounds to me like your FIL is a bully and a majpr creep. If I were you I would check to see if this a legal apartment. If it is then you should move out as fast as you can. If its not tell him you are going to report it to the housing bureau. See how he like that. If he does take the car report it stolen. If you want to be nice tell him first. If he still takes the car report it. don't forget, if he has an accident the car is is in your name and you will be responsble. Good luck.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Hey kats~I'm just not sure how worth it all this is at this
point! If they do let you have the house, will they ever
leave you alone? Or will they throw it up to you forever?
I don't think that you will ever be really through with these
people! Not that you could be anyway since they are your
husbands parents like it or not! It is really a shame that
they are so petty like this! Even when your husband finally
puts his foot down it doesn't seem to matter! They just sound
like stupid selfish people! I'm not sure that there really is
anything that you can really do to win! So I think you and
hubby have to resign yourself to either deal with their crap
or make a huge decision to totally walk away which I really
don't think that you can logically do! It really does suck!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Hubby and I had this discussion last night. He really does not want to move and he's praying that we can actually get the house, but I told him that they will hold that over our heads forever.
I desperatly want to just move, so we're going to look at a place today. If and when we move, the kids and I will be done with those people. I already told hubby they won't be given our address or phone number. They can contact him at work, he can contact them, but they will not be contacting me or the kids. It's the only way I'll ever have my sanity.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
29 Jan 09
I would move away from these people. You need your independence and to keep your affairs private. I know the idea of moving is probably overwhelming but I would look at is as a new start. This way you won't have to lend anyone your car or have someone intrude whenever they please and more than likely you won't fall behind in your rent because hopefully the heating bill won't be so high. We all need peace in our lives and FIL is no help there.
@Carpathian (582)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Well, for one if it was me I would have moved by now! I would not let anyone tell me how to live my life! Also, if it is happening now do you think it will change once you guys get the house? I don't think so! Anyways, if you are paying so much for bills, get something else. Something more affordable . Also, If you guy wants to see them then let him go to their house. They do not need to know where you live or your number. I would just let my hubby go to their house and they could have his cell number just encase of emergencies. But, then that is me and I don't deal with people who tell me what to do! Good luck to you!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Feb 09
It isn't that easy to just up and move when you have 5 kids to think about. Sometimes adults, and especially parents, have to deal with uncomfortable and aggravating situations for the sake of their children.
