Is it wrong for me to feel this way towards an old friend?
By Jlyn22
@Jlyn22 (204)
United States
January 28, 2009 10:33pm CST
I was best friends with this girl since we were in second grade and we are now almost 23 and 24. We stopped being friends back in Id say September or October of 2008. She got with this guy and ended up having a baby with him and once that happend he started controling her and she changed for the worse. Im in the middle of planning a wedding which she was suppost to be my maid of honor, so obviously I have lots of stress from planning, anyways she moved 3 hours up noth to "get away" from this guy but really she was moving to get away from us cause he moved in with her and the only time she would call me was to have me do something for her, not to just talk or see how Ive been just to get an attitude demanding I do something for her. So since I was stressed out enough I sent her a messege since I didnt have her new number and told her I didnt want her in my wedding anymore and that was the last time I talked to her.
Now I always figured I would still have some sort of feelings about all this since we were friends for so long but seriously everytime her name gets brought up it just annoys me and if I hear something bads happening to her I just sit there with a straight face and secretly inside laugh about it. Is it wrong I feel like this since we pretty much grew up together and were like sisters our whole lifes?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@cabinet24 (15)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
Hi Jlyn! I have experienced what your experiencing.. I think its normal to get annoyed hearing her name and laughing inside when something bad happens to her its because your mind and heart is still covered with all her mistakes she has done to you and you tend to forget about the happy memories you have shared together. But i think you two needs time to heal and a one on one talk thats if the two of you are willing to save your friendship. But the way i see it you still care for her coz if not you wouldn't bother making this topic ryt? I hope things between you two will be okey in the long run... God bless!
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
I think that's perfectly normal considering what you told her about not wanting her on your wedding, was only done impulsively. You were stressed out and she's just making things worses so it would be understandable if you said those things to her. Understandable as it may it, i don't think it's the same with your friend. She might have taken it seriously enough to put a gap between the two of you.
I think it's normal too to be laughing inside because i'm doing the same lol! Maybe it's just our way of getting our revenge without really doing anything. Even sisters fight right?
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
30 Jan 09
i think as people grow up, they change and move on to different directions, depending on the life they lead, especially if they had a hard life in some way. i grew up with certain people since 2nd and 3rd grade, but moved to california when i was 14. i kept in contact with them throughout the years, and still wrote once a year for fun with 2. i heard that everyone is really changed. some got worse and are a mess. many divorces, etc.
@Maggiezhou0223 (85)
• China
30 Jan 09
ah i guess i know how u feel.well,but to me it was a long time ago,when i was in middle school me and my best friends stopped being friends for a little stupid thing,may be not that stupid at that time but now it is. I had the same feeling as you when we were on fight and both of us tried not to talk to each other even though we didn't want. We live very near and now we're still not talking since we graduated from middle school,i don't why but it's really embarrassing to meet her on road.I feel a little regret about we didn't talk about the thing which result in ending our friendships,that's what i can say.
@city_girl21 (68)
• United States
30 Jan 09
That's sad that the guy is controlling her enough to change her for the worse so that she dislikes her best friend since second grade. But, you never really know how and when the people in your life are going to change, and it's natural that they would. If you still feel for her as a friend you could call her up after a while when you've both gotten cooled down a bit and aren't going to go at each other's throats. She shouldn't be so demanding and you should try and see the ordeal she's going through: the stress of having and raising a child, as well as an obnoxious boyfriend. I'm not going to say you're right or wrong in what you do but I do think that you're just pretty steamed about what happened, but even while there's a wedge between you you're still friends, if she can hopefully change back to what she used to be.
@clairdnj (7)
• United States
30 Jan 09
Sometimes you have to let go of friendships for various reasons. Your friend has a baby with this guy so she's just trying to make it work. She shouldn't neglect her friendships but I think in this case you should just let it go. And be the bigger person, don't take pleasure in the bad things that happen to her.
@squirt051305 (381)
• United States
29 Jan 09
It is messed up how things ended up but people change and things happen in life. I understand you must be really mad/upset/disappointed at her but I don't know if you two shouldn't be friends. Maybe after awhile things will blow over and you guys can talk again -- maybe not close like you use to be. You 2 have been through alot together as I could imagine so I don't know if you should just throw it away. You should def find someone else to be your maid of honor and try not to let it affect your special day!! I hope I have help!
Happy mylotting!!
@umcane86 (65)
• United States
29 Jan 09
It's hard to encourage schadenfreude, but it's a part of life. It's disappointing to lose a good friend, but sometimes things just change as you mature and grow forward. It's amazing to think you can be best friends for as long as you are with someone when you change and mature so much in your formative years, be grateful for the friendship you always had, but unfortunately it sounds like you need a new MOHonor.
@monick01 (2)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I cant say that you are right or wrong for feeling what you are feeling. But I will say that it seems you could be a little more understanding of her situation. I understand that you feel betrayed b/c she abandoned you, especially during this time in you life, angry, and probably hurt that your friend is acting the way she is. However, with the little information you have in your posting, I can see someone(your friend) who is in a really bad, controlling, and maybe, abusive relationship. She has learned to adapt to it and it has changed her for the worse. She is probably acting this way because this is the only way she can cope with her situation, and may be scared to leave him completely alone. Try and give her a little more time. Even if you have to go back to trying to figure it out after your wedding. You guys have been friends too long to just give up on it that easily. Even if you are the only one trying.
