If after an arranged marriage..you can't stand your new partner?

Hi Jen Hope u must be doing fine well either its Arrange Marriage or Love marriage, to conitune it and to make it there are following somple Rules 1) sincerity 2) Trust 3) Tolerance 4)Care/Love 5) Adoptabilty and 6) Intention to keep it going If u have all this then trust me, its going to be pleasent partnership and getting stronger with passage of time The only Cons i can see in Arrange marriage is that u dont know each other well and it need time to over come teething problem and understand each other. and if u give time , then i am sure trust and love developed duruing this time is Long Lasting. And if in worse case it dont work, then where socities have Arrange Marriage, the ONLY Secret Taught to both Boy and Girl is "COMPROMISE and Adjust" And in worst case option on Divorce is always there though not liked by society Take care

I want to know also. I understand in India it's the Mother in law a woman has to watch out for? Or is that just rumor. I can't wait to read the responses on this.

you said it's an arranged marriage. If it's so, along with the parents of both sides some elders also must have been present at the time of arranging the marriage.Take their help in sorting out the matters. Explain them what is that trait in the other person that you can't stand out.Discussions involving the concerned will sort out the problems. A High degree of caution has to be exercised as it's an issue pertaining to life.

i think it is a horrible thing to do to young people. my gosh, it's hard enough to make a marriage work even if u are doing the choosing.they should give that old custom up. i would not go along w/it i don't care what,

arrange marriages do lasts long. if you have issue about your partner go to the person who has arranged it.more than one is involved in arranging it.so it will take some time make one settlement... after the first settlement(as it had already taken so much time) i am sure both the partners wouldn't dare to settle another thing again... so according to me arrange marriages do lasts long no matter what... :)

JenIn, Arranged Marriages are common in countries like India. I will tell you some good reasons for the prevalence of Arranged Marriages in India. In Indian society and culture,[B] the society is above the family and Family above the individual.[/B] Now, this is a given. People are conditioned by the mores. Anybody who breaks a social law (often unwritten) is seen as an outcast. To give you an idea, the social law breaker is seen almost like a person who is on unemployment dole, say, in US. You know how anybody dreads being on dole. Since [B]Family is above the individual[/B], individual freedoms are subservient to family honor or positioning.So, a son or daughter is perceived as a keeper of family honor. When concerns more than one's desires(for the individual is desire driven)are made the cornerstone of living, people are trained-in to treat their own judgments as not sufficiently mature.Further the son/daughter consider themselves as having discharged a duty and earned the love of parents, and vice versa. Further, the idea that is dinned in through[B] Religion and the Theory of Karma [/B](this is more applicable to Hindu marriages)is that [B] even if one makes a choice and escapes something like an unlivable marriage, different problems will surround you to make it up i.e. compensate for it.[/B] This idea is in the psyche of the Indian. So, he/she is prepared. He/She would have seen the tempestuous marriages of their own parents surviving despite all odds. As kids and adolescents we would be seeing our parents marriages hitting the rock botton and as soon we would be finding it again afloat. This reinstates the confidence in the system. It is a very interesting study, that you have undertaken. Please respond with your questions/objections: I would love to answer. I can give anecdotal examples.

Firstly you have to understand the social condition where arranged marriages take place. This is prevalent in societies where children are expected to respect majority of their parent’s decisions. From childhood, kids are taught that parents are like gods and above every other relation and it’s the duty of every child to love, respect, listen and do every bidding of their parents. So by the time the kids are of marriageable age, they may have had many ‘love’ affairs, but the choice of life partner is left to the parents. Secondly, in such societies it is taught the marriages are made in heaven and cannot be / should not undone on earth by us. No matter what, it is a sin to abandon a life partner just because you cannot get along. Family meetings are called, friends are taken into confidence, even neighbours pitch in to save a marriage. Its more of a community thing than personal. Thirdly, in such societies girls are not very financially well off…so its best to tolerate a little and stick on rather than moving back to the parent’s home where they will be nothing more than financial burdens.

A friend of my partner had an arranged marriage and the couple never met before the ceremony in fact. The marriage was arranged by what I suppose would be a broken who liased with both sets of parents. The bride grew up here in Australia, and her parents returned to their home country when she was 15 because they wanted her to marry someone from the "old country". The groom was overseas so there were many differences to overcome as they lives had been different. The bride was 17 and the groom 21 when they married. A couple of thing were that they had to learn about each other, their likes and dislikes as well as their strengths and weaknesses. The other thing is that they are both very determined people and within a year of their marriage, they came to Australia. That I think from what they have said upset their families but they believe it is the best decision they ever made. They were alone or away from their families and the only people they knew were the few friends she had from her school days. So basically they had to rely on each other. I am not sure if it is a common practice or not, but this couple did not consumate their marriage for some time after the actual ceremony. Both were very shy and wanted to know each other better first they have said and possibly that is what has made their marriage so successful. Whoever chose them for each other hit the bulls eye as this is a love relationship and they admit it came gradually over a few years, but only after they came to live in Australia away from their families. They had 4 children, all of whom are now grown up and are married with children of their own. None of their children had an arranged marriage because although it worked for them, they knew it wasn't always the case. It is interesting to read the first hand experience of those who are in an arranged marriage and yes there are times when they actually work out very well indeed. Our friends are a good example.

We don't just go blindly into a relationship. After we know the partner we try to talk on different issues. Only then we enter a relationship. So arranged marriage is generally more of a 50-50 effort of both parents and children. Our culture is that once we are married we don't divorce. We meet relatives and the elders to sort out issues when there are problems. For Christians we go to church elders to sort out differences. And most often it's sorted out.

I don't really understand that much about arranged marriages, but I do think they are barbaric and outdated traditions.. I don't think that you have any say-so in a marriage of this type, I believe any of your own thoughts, ideas and hopes are gone, because you were about the same as sold to your husband and you have no choices or voice in any of the matters pertaining to your future.. I can't think of anything good to come of a marriage like that unless your arranged husband was so good to you that you did fall in love with him and be able to live happily with him, other than that, I can't see how it would work with both parties being happy during this arrangement..

Arranged marriages rarely fail the way love marriages do. In an arranged marriage you often do not know each other before marriage so yo are really not aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses. you are confronted with both at the same time after marriage. You learn to compromise with the weaknesses while strengthening the marriage with the strengths. You start accepting the person for what he or she is and not for what you thought he or she woudl be. you do not have any preconcieved ideas about the person so you accept the person as you find that person to be after marriage.

I don't think there can be any bound rule to make an arranged marriage successful..All my relatives here have had arranged marriages and luckily most of them are quite successful except for one where we had a divorce case..I guess in case of arrange marriages the partners should meet each other alone several times in various situations to get to know each other properly before marriage so that if you can't stand the person you can move out before committing...And anyway all marriages takes some amount of compromises from the partners either its love or arranged marriage. Have a nice day!

I am an Indian and i had an arranged marriage.Our marriage was arranged by a common relative and but we did not know each other before marriage.After our marriage was solemnized we were rather strangers .It took us almost one year to know about each other's interests,likings,disliking,turn off,turns on,hobbies etc.But we always gave time and liberty to prove each other.It has been two years since our marriage taken place and we are happy with each other.We are blessed with a son who is 1 year old. We are still exploring each other with usual and not so usual ups and downs in life.We do fight on trivial issues but have made certain agendas and these always help us to come out of our animosities and frustrations. So the golden rule is giving time to your partner.Anything done in haste will prove fatal for the relationship.Each day is a new learning process so never give up even if you find something not so good about your partner.

Well ,just try not to get married before you make sure that you 'll in love with him. As a very traditional girl ,I never thought about divorce.If you can't stand your new partner .Say good bye and find the right guy.However ,this should be done before you get married