When would you contact home?
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
February 1, 2009 6:25pm CST
If you or your child goes off to university on a different continent travelling alone,
what would you call home after you got there, or when would you expect your child to call you.
Okay T is an adult 23 years old, but she never bothered to call to say that she even arrived safely.
After four months the family was very annoyed that they had not heard from her and had no way to get in touch with her, she didn't call or email anyone.
her uncle who raised her was worried, her father was worried, and her brother finally found out where she was able to be reached, apparently she left her phone number with her dying mother.
nobody even know that.
after her brother called her and gave heck, she finally called her father.
She came back in december on break and stayed with her dad, she promised she would call or email and not take so long anymore, It has been a month since she is back in england, still no word from her.
so people how long would you wait as a person to tell you family you are okay the plane reached safely and you are settled etc, or if you are a parent when do you expect your child to call you?
5 people like this
23 responses
@busibee (187)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I guess it depends on the family and how close they are. When I left for college I called my mom all the time (we are very close). She dropped me off and drove home (about a five hour drive) and she called me as soon as she got home so I knew she was okay (of course by the time she got home she had about 8 messages from me wondering if she had gotten home yet - lol). I always make sure to let the people I care about my current phone number / email, etc... so they can always reach me if they need to. "T" sounds very "interesting," and what a weird story... you go to another continent and don't even call home? That is just toooooo crazy for me.
XOXO
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
no it does not have to do with the family being close the family is very close that is the problem T is the one that is not close, she is a spoiled brat,
good that you keep in contact with your family that is the right thing to do.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
15 Feb 09
Sounds like a very inconsiderate child if you tell me. I mean I would be calling my mom as soon if not before I got there. I would be calling 1-2 times a week after that. She seems to care only about herself and no one else. I wonder what she would do if her mother dyed and they didn't call or tell her about it? How would she feel then? I think she would deserve it sorry to say that but it is true..only tell her when she decides to call them..and then tell her.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
15 Feb 09
well you know that couldn't do that they would have to contact her and let her know, a decision like that cannot be reversed.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
2 Feb 09
By darn as soon as they got there!.
I must have my kids well trained for they do call as soon as they get home.
as we traveled alot and the kids sometimes would driveto see us.
but they would call as soon as they got home to let me know all is safe.
And I would even call them when on the road to the house to let them know right where we were and how much longer to get home!
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Feb 09
Forgive me but I have to ask a personal question.did T feel like she was really a part of the family? Did she feel like she belonged? When she was young, did she have to call? If not, why would she do it now? In my family we were taught at a young age to say good bye when we left and to call the moment we got to our destination.Almost every year my sister and I would go to the beach. It is a three hour drive. The first thing we would do after parking the car was to call my mom so she could " worry about something else."Now one of our best friends says we have to text her when we get home from her parties.it is second nature. When my sister lived 3000 mile away from my mom , she would call mom every Sunday.They would touch base.But that said, if I never felt close to my family or I felt smothered or I wasn't taught to call, I wouldn't. It seems like out of sight out of mind with her and I just wonder why.Maybe you can get her to call once a week like on Sunday. Good Luck
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
11 Feb 09
t knew she was the apple of her parents eye, even favored over her older brother because she was the, everything was, T, did this, T does that, and very little attention on the younger brother,
T is a spoiled brat, and has only been interested in her self her whole life.
she never paid attention to rules and always did her own thing no matter who she hurt in the process,
that is one of the reasons why she went to the group home, but T sound found that nobody treated her like a princess there either, so she didn't want to stay anymore,
she was lucky her uncle took her continued treating her like a princess and told her parents he couldn't do a thing with her she had a mind of her own, but she was a kid then,
she is 23 years old now and she just played that selfish game once too much because they uncles said that it is it the money cow has dried up, if she cannot respect him enough to call and say she arrived safetly or email because she could have easily done that too, then he is finished with her. He raised her to adulthood and now it is her time to show some respect and if she can't or won;t he wishes her well in life but not to expect to come to him when she wants more money.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
11 Feb 09
If she has been this selfish All her life, she isn't going to change anytime soon. And if she knows she can't get money, then she really won't come home.Sounds like the family will be better off without her, save her mum.But unless you can bribe her , she won't come to see her.
@someonesmom (5761)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
Hi winterose, 
Since this young woman went away to a different continent, it makes the situation even worse. No wonder her family is upset with her. It doesn't seem to me, like 'she' feels very close to them, and I have to say she sounds very selfish as well.
My niece is in her fourth year of university. She's approximately a four hour drive away from home. She always calls her mom (my sister) every day, unless her schedule won't permit. They're very close, and she would never do this. Family is so important, and some day this 'young woman' you've mentioned may have quite a few regrets.
There's a good possibility that my daughter's going away to university in the fall. Like my niece, I know she'll be in touch often, with myself and other family members. It's just the way 'we' are.
I do hope this family you've mentioned, get things sorted out.
Since this young woman went away to a different continent, it makes the situation even worse. No wonder her family is upset with her. It doesn't seem to me, like 'she' feels very close to them, and I have to say she sounds very selfish as well.
My niece is in her fourth year of university. She's approximately a four hour drive away from home. She always calls her mom (my sister) every day, unless her schedule won't permit. They're very close, and she would never do this. Family is so important, and some day this 'young woman' you've mentioned may have quite a few regrets.
There's a good possibility that my daughter's going away to university in the fall. Like my niece, I know she'll be in touch often, with myself and other family members. It's just the way 'we' are.
I do hope this family you've mentioned, get things sorted out.1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
Oh..I thought I already finish responding this problem.I never thought this is the continuation of your story...hehe..Well I think your T has a nature of not giving care of her love ones she leave behind. I guess your T never taught by her parents, her uncle the importance of communication. I think you're right she's been spoiled before and she carried it until she grown up.
Of course if I would be the parent, I would really get worried especially that we had already an agreement that she would call right after she arrive at her destination to get-off the worries and thinking if she had arrived safely or not or wherever she is.
But since your T would never think and care for that situation. The parent and her uncle should start getting used to that...
NOTE: I hope the problem of your T would already solve... cheers
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
no I don't agree parents and the uncle should never have to get used to disrespect,
1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
Yes ma'm I also agree with yours. What I mean in my statement is your T is already a grown up girl and she is already adopting an attitude that doesn't care about her love one's worries. Yes. She has no respect and I was not encouraging parents to teach their children that way. Your T is like a grown up tree, you can't bow it down because she is already matured one, if you would have to force to bow her down it would break her off.
I mean, if you would want your child to be respectful, then the child should have been taught to be respectful at her earlier age so she will be accustomed or used to it as she grows up.
In the case of your T, how can any of her uncle and parent expect a respect to them when she's not used to it. As you had said T is a spoiled brat and her parents broke up at her earlier age and she was just raised by her uncle...
More often than not, this would always the result of a broken family and your T was a victim of it...
If you believe the saying" strike while the iron is hot" that supposedly the best way to do if you want your children want to be in the future...thanks ma'm
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
3 Feb 09
The only time I never called my mom to let her know when I got there was when I went to the Navy's bootcamp. That's because we weren't allowed to use the phone until we were done with processing and everything. Even now, after I leave my parents home, I call them as soon as I get home to let them know we made it home safely. I think it's rude to let family worry about you when all it takes is a few seconds to pick up a phone to call them. I expect my kids to do the same, or they will hear me complain to them on why they need to call home.
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
4 Feb 09
sounds like she just wants to be left alone.. maybe she just cant handle being around her parents for some reason and so she figures limiting contact is better than no contact.. of course shes limiting it to a degree that she might as well not ever keep contact..
if i was her parent i wouldnt keep trying.. i would like try to get ahold of her again but for the last time.. obviously it seems that she doesnt want to be bothered or reminded etc and you can only try so hard before it becomes ridiculous and self destructive..
i hope it doesnt sound like im defending her because im not.. but i do know that some people that have toxic relationships with their parents do this and i have seen a ton of people act in the same way which makes me wonder if there is more issues than her being a brat or something..
and i hope i dont sound like im saying for the parent to give up easy.. i do think they should fight but it sounds like they have been for awhile and mentally its got to be screwing them (parents and family) up putting all that effort on trying to connect to her and her constantly rejecting them
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
5 Feb 09
we are talking about every single member in her entire family,
come on if you can see that is it just selfish,
@Kat4676 (474)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I would call home right after I got into the dorm or wherever I was staying. I think it is kinda rude not to let people know that you are ok when you go on a long journey. My mom would have had a heart attack if I didn't call right away.
I would expect any of my children to call me no matter where they are going. My daughters go over to my moms which is only a little ways from our house and I still have them call when they get there.
Kat
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@hdjohnson (2981)
• United States
20 Feb 09
It is not a good feeling to know your child is somewhere and not to know their state of being. I really can't image that right now as my children as so small that they haven't even spent the night somewhere like a friends house. There is nothing wrong in my opinion with the concerned parent reaching out to the child that is away just to show the concerned and to reinforce the fact that they aren't trying to control the child's life, but still desire to be apart of it, especially just to know how well they are or are not doing.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
22 Feb 09
yes I know what you mean, this girl didn't even leave her phone number with anyone that was the problem as well.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
2 Feb 09
If nothing else she should have called her family to say that she had arrived safely. This behaviour is uncalled for and she should not have worried her family that much. As soon as my children (three countries) arrive at their airport they phone me to tell me that they had a safe flight. As they land I can expect a call from them. This is also very unkind behaviour on her part.Blessings
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
it certainly is she is a very spoiled inconsiderate disrespectful brat.
@chris20 (109)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
For me, I usually call my parents or even my brothers as soon as I arrived to my destination. I'm not that type of person who keeps other people worrying about my condition. But my brothers, especially the middle child of the family, really takes hundreds of years before giving us a call. There are so many times that he didn't even bother calling us just to say that he will not be home. That really makes my parents so worried about him but eventually, they are used to it because we all know that he's usually with his friend's house.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
your brother's situation is not the same as being away 5,000 miles away from you family.
@Sammy_pink (163)
•
2 Feb 09
Hi Winterose, I really would hope my child called to say all is ok but I know the youngsters don't understand how important it is, what worry it really causes. I know I never understood until I had kids of my own. I guess she would soon contact base if there was something wrong and if she has always been this way maybe the family have to learn to respect that and remember no news is good news, just a thought, just trying to see it from all sides.:)x
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
it is she that is disrespectful, the family does not have to accept that,
she will call when she wants something but she may not get it anymore, because her uncle is seriously angry with the way she has treated him now.
@sunnyangel2008 (6)
• China
11 Feb 09
i always call my family as soon as i arrive. i think this is an important thing that we should do first. your family must be worry you if they don't hear from you timely. as child, we should consider that we must try our best not to let parents worry.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
11 Feb 09
thank you for your response, maybe not at the very minute but shortly after you get there, not like T she never did call.
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I would of course expect my child to call and if they didn't I too would be really mad. It leaves the family to worrying on if they even arrived their safe and wondering what is going on. I would think a person is pretty inconsiderate for not letting at least family know.
She is old enough to understand that it would make people worry, for that I would say she is inconsiderate and even selfish.
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
2 Feb 09
i would expect them to contact me as soon they arrive.how could she do such a thing what was she thinking.didn,t she know they had no way to contact her.you know her family is worried sick.she should have called as soon as she got there.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Our daughter lives 300 miles away and when she comes to visit she always calls when they are leaving their house and when she goes back home she calls when she gets home. Sometimes if she makes some stop on the way home she will call so I will know they will be delayed a little.
When we go to visit them we do the same, we call when we are leaving here and when we come home we call when we arrive home.
I would be so worried if any of my children, even though they are grown, went off and didn't let us know they arrived safely.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
yep any normal family will call when they reached their destination, I don't know what is in the head of this girl, she makes me so angry.
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
This breaks my heart! This seems to be a very selfish child! I cannot imagine what is going thru her mind...and why she does not feel she has the responsibility of letting her family have some peace of mind, by letting them know she is safe!
I guess that I am horrible spoiled..as my son calls each morning @6:45 a.m. (and it is long distance)! Last December (2008) he travelled internationally for the first time (China)...and even tho' the time difference (14 hours) we chatted at least twice a day...we both have "Magic Jacks"....I basically knew his every move!This coming Friday...he will be travelling to Brazil...and I know we will have the same exchange...he feels it is his responsibility to give me peace of mind! Cheers, my friend!
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
you have a wonderful son, you are lucky,
T is very spoiled and self centered the family found out that during the 4 months she was gone, she was in constant communication with her old professors over her but didn't have the time to tell her own family she was okay.
I could ring that girl's neck.
@jhoannejoj (963)
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
Hi winterose. When I went to University, I had to pursue it in a different city. The first time I went to the city where I studied, my Mom was with me. But when she went home I constantly send a letter to them since during that time there wasnt internet connection in our place. During semestral break I went home and it broke my heart to leave over and over again. While I was boarding a ship going back to the City I studied, I sent sms to them. As soon as I arrived safely, I sent an sms or called my parents. Sometimes they were the one who called me. When I came here in Denmark, I sent an sms to them when my plane landed to Singapore for my connceting flight telling them that I was safe. When I arrived in Denmark I called them immediately. I just dont want them to worry nor wonder how things are going with me. At present I call my folks back home once in a month or send an sms to them.
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@annabella2008 (48)
• China
2 Feb 09
I think the most selfless and comfortable love in this world are come from our parents,and they even don't asking for returning.They always care about us more than themselves forever. And i think wherever we are we should tell them we are safe so that they can set their heart at rest.
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