He Went Downtown and Filed Divorce-Should I Jump 4 Joy?
@miraclefreebies (3043)
United States
February 2, 2009 1:59pm CST
I know my friends here are probably concerned about me and my sistuation regarding my marriage, so here's an update on my disrupted marriage....
It was just last Monday when my husband and his dad took it upon themselves to kick me and our daughter out the apartment and changed the lock on the door to keep me out.
I had just got out of the hospital last Sunday night and he didn't pick me up or make sure I got home.
Why they did it? Coz his dad hates me simply coz he hates my parents. Don't know why he hates my parents but he has complete control over my husband's life. His dad is paying for our divorce.
My husband sent me a text message saying that he already went downtown to file for divorce and I will be getting served any day now.
I've had a lot of time to think about all of this, and I'm very HAPPY
that it's almost OVER and FINAL.
Me and my daughter needs a fresh start in life away from him coz he needs his father to think for him and tell him what to do and say, and to basically run his household and life.
I feel FREE at last, and I can celebrate as soon as this messy divorce and child custody stuff is over.
He has a history of giving up his first child to his cousin, and he fought for custody for years and lost, but he's still paying child support for her and he owes back pay for over $17,000 and he's not meeting the court order of $344.00 a month.
I'm a great mother and he has no proof that I'm an unfit mother coz there isn't none.
Other people keep telling me that he won't win custody of my daughter coz all the cards are stacked against him and he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
I just can't wait until it's over with.
Does anyone know how long it takes to finalize a divorce? Well he's gonna fight for custody of our child so it may take longer, not sure.
Thanks for reading another looong discussion from me, and thanks 4 your support.
that it's almost OVER and FINAL.
Me and my daughter needs a fresh start in life away from him coz he needs his father to think for him and tell him what to do and say, and to basically run his household and life.
I feel FREE at last, and I can celebrate as soon as this messy divorce and child custody stuff is over.
He has a history of giving up his first child to his cousin, and he fought for custody for years and lost, but he's still paying child support for her and he owes back pay for over $17,000 and he's not meeting the court order of $344.00 a month.
I'm a great mother and he has no proof that I'm an unfit mother coz there isn't none.
Other people keep telling me that he won't win custody of my daughter coz all the cards are stacked against him and he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
I just can't wait until it's over with.
Does anyone know how long it takes to finalize a divorce? Well he's gonna fight for custody of our child so it may take longer, not sure.
Thanks for reading another looong discussion from me, and thanks 4 your support.25 people like this
69 responses
@silverjam (969)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Good for you, you seem very happy with what's going on with your life by now so enjoy! I really don't know how long is the process in filing a divorce but it will be soon anyway and you seem to be winning again for the child custody. Good luck and yes......you celebrate for this.
4 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Well the memories are still there and it's not easy but I know it's the best thing that can ever happen to us.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
3 Feb 09
The hardest things to do in our lives are always the best things. I hope you have somewhere suitable to live and the means to support yourself. Your husband sounds a bit creepy. I would be really glad to be away from him and also away from the father....he sounds like really bad news.
Good luck...I reckon you'll be fine...no matter how long it takes.
@CRIVAS (1815)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
I think that it is horrible that you have to go through this. It is really sad that your husband (or rather ex) is letting his father think for him. I am sure that you and your daughter are better off without him and I would go for full custody. I think that there is a very large possibility that it could take some time for the divorce to finalize, until then I would just go out and do something just for you and your daughter, I think you both deserve it.
3 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Thank you so much. It may take some time but it's worth it.
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Well now you can give a big sigh of relief and rest up for your next battle of child support, they probably won't give him full custody because of his past. I would ask or full custody and full child support. I would also ask if I could claim the child completely on your tax returns for a certain amount of years. I am so happy for you now you can start healing and spend time with your beautiful child. Get yourself a treat of some kind do something for yourself that makes you feel good and recharged, myself I do spa treatments at home lol tons of them on the internet. Good luck.
3 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Oh yeah! That's good advice. I can't wait to treat myself, but I don't know what I'm gonna do yet. Oh I got plenty of time.Thanks
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Don't worry about him getting custody. Have you got a lawyer yet? The fact that he filed after he evicted you and his daughter nearly guarantees that no judge will even consider it.
My husband filed, too, and that stacked the odds against him. If you don't have any property, all you really need, I guess, is a judgment for child support and a way to enforce it. Make it payable through the courts so that if he misses a payment there is an official record of it and it will take less time to get his wages garnished or throw him in jail.
Depending on your state, it can take a few months or up to a year. Call Legal Aid or its counterpart and see if they can help you. You should have someone in your corner when you go to court--it's so much easier when you have someone speaking for you and advising you, someone who's been through this.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Call again! They're probably overworked with huge case loads. Not to make you feel insecure, but that's how it is. You'll have to make a response once you're served and you should consult a lawyer for that or he can pull all sorts of underhanded stuff you won't know how to look for. So call them back, tell them again-briefly-that you were evicted with your daughter and he filed for divorce and leave your number if asked. Always be polite or you'll find they will be even slower!
Keep us updated, please. We care!
2 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I contacted Legal Services for a lawyer after he put us out a week ago but no one has gotten back to me. They are really slow. I wish there was another way.
3 people like this
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
2 Feb 09
Well this looks like a turning point for you doesn't it.You are afree woman it did not turn out how you had hoped it would,and thats a shame.pick your self up and off you go no father in law ruining your life and if he is going to pay for it thats even better in one respect ,all you have to do is tell him to pay for your fees as well.I just cannot beleave your husband is so influnced by his father ,I said before I have heard of mothers trying to hang onto their sons but never fathers,so his life is down to him,if he is happy with his dad he will have to work that out for himself he may come round and break away from his Dad but he is a grown man .It would be interesting to know what on earth your parents did that was so wrong or he has just made that up to get his boy back.If he owes child support he won't stand a chance getting full custody of your daughter.We had a quick divorce and it took eight weeks start to finish but I was going to do my ex for assault but my terms were the house,kids, or I would drag him through the courts so he signed the authority house over to me and did not bother turning up at the custody hearing,it took about eight weeks start to finish but that was a long time ago it might be even quicker now.Good luck miracle you will be fine,not very pleasant I know even if its what you want it still hurts.
2 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Thanks suzzy. Yes it still does hurt, I'm only human, but the joy of being free from him is stronger than the pain I feel.
1 person likes this
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I am new to reading your discussions, well I havent had much time on here the last 4 days and I am trying to get caught up where I can...so forgive me...but I have to say I am proud to read that you are doing well and happy about this. It may well be the very best thing that has happened to you and yes, a fresh new start may be exactly what you need and you are facing it so well.... good for you!!!
Good luck in the future to you and your daughter.
2 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Thanks you. I really don't see no other way of looking at you. I always look 4 the good in things. It just took me a week to really see it.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (92789)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I feel sick for you. I see you on mylot and you are such a positive presence. And I just wish I could help you. If anyone has any sense, the court will grant custody to you. And doesn't custody usually favor the mother, especially when the child is a girl? I'm glad you are turning this into a positive, but I'll be praying for you as well.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I've heard that courts usually favor the mother when it's a girl or a boy as long as the mother is fit to keep her.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
3 Feb 09
Ma'am.
Not to be funny but you could be a great mother, but the opposition will make you look like that lady down in Florida that killed her two year old. Sorry to say that but I went through this ten years ago. My ex filed for divorce, and got the girls who were then 7 and 9 years old. I had them weekends. The thing stayed like that until a lady named Katrina came and dang near wiped him out then them kids stayed with me a while, went to school, then went back to their dad, but asked to come with me. Please go prepared and get you a lawyer to fight for your rights. This stuff is expensive, nerve wracking and emotionally taxing.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
3 Feb 09
Oh sorry one more thing. The one who files usually wins. just a rule of thumb.
1 person likes this
@enola1692 (3323)
• United States
3 Feb 09
girl I am so happy for you but you will still be in my thoughts till its totatlly over besides you deserve so much better for you and that sweet baby of yours
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I think it's different for each State. In my State, we have to be separated for at least one year if there are grounds and two years if it is uncontested.
I don't see how he could file for divorce so soon! What grounds did he file with?
I know he doesn't have any proof against you. You should make sure you can get anything you can against him! Basically, it will be his word against yours unless you can come up with something.
Of course, his throwing you out of the house right after you got out of the hospital will REALLY look bad in any judge's eyes! Also, his past history of child support and the fact that he lost a custody battle over his other child will be in your favor. You need the judge to see all of this.
Make sure the judge sees a copy of the police report when you had to call them to help you get back into the apartment to get the rest of yours and your daughter's things! Anything you can find against him, use it!
Also, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You're one lucky gal for not having to pay for the divorce! LOL What an idiot he is! He's going to look like a complete fool to the judge, for sure. Good luck to you! Hang in there, your life is just beginning and we're all here standing right beside you all the way!
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I'm happy for you! He's paying for a divorce wherein he will end up paying both alimony and child support! Well, you'll have to file for them separately, of course, but I suggest you do that!
You'll get it without hesitation. He locked both you AND your daughter out. Judges do not like that kind of behavior from anyone! He'll never get custody because of the way he went about this, also because of his history of fatherhood.
And, locking you and your daughter out when you were sick, just out of the hospital? I honestly believe your husband is either totally stupid or under some kind of mind-control by his father and his father is totally stupid!
But, no matter what, you're going to be so much better than you ever thought possible! Just not being around that man, I'm sure, has calmed your nerves down! Living with someone you're not even speaking to is so hard on the nerves... I know! Been there, done that.
You just make sure you let me know if there's anything I can do for you, okay? I'm here for you, 100%!
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
3 Feb 09
U have to be separated at least a year? Oh my! I can't stand to be married 2 him for another day, let alone another week. Yuck! Here it might take 2-3 months or more.
@celestial052506 (2914)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
I'm sorry to hear that another marrage is shuttered because a husband has no leg or bones of his own. How can an adult person with kids could still be controlled by his parents? I can picture out that your situation in this marriage is really hard. Sorry that you pick the wrong guy. I just wish the real happiness will come to you soon. I have no idea about how long the process of a divorce will take because we have no divorce in our country. The said thing here, is that.. when we pick the wrong husband/wife we will live with her/him for life unless you will run away or file annulment which will take years and you will spend a lot of money for your attorney.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I'm sorry too that I picked the wrong guy, but I don't regret meeting him coz I now have a beautiful baby girl whom I adore.
I married a boy and I've been paying 4 it, but it's almost over.
@celticeagle (167019)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Feb 09
I don't think your divorce is going to be final until you go before a judge and he decrees it so. I would think you would be happy to get away from him and his dad. If I were you I would also make sure that you fill out paperwork for child support. He should be responsible at any rate. If he tries to harrass you in any way call the police, get a restraining order if you have to. One thing women do not understand is this: you must always call the authorities if he harrasses you so there is a paper trail. If anything happens the authorities can look at this and see the truth so that whatever he and his dad may cook up the paper trail will tell the authorities what the history of the situatiion is. This is very important. The fact that he is not paying the back support and is in arrears on the other will not be a positive thing for him when he goes to court on the divorce or if you have to call authorities. Be sure you keep tract of dates and times and all that just incase. He and his dad sound like they are both real pieces of work. I would not trust him or anything either of them say to you. Be glad you are nearly clear of them. Just try to stay clear of men for awhile and get a good life going on for you and yours. Be leary and caustious. I hope you don't get into another situation like that again. Be careful. Thanks for the update.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (167019)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Feb 09
Good girl! Get on with your life and don't look back. He isn't good enough for you.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I've learned a lot in the last 2 years and I'm in no hurry to jump into another relationship. It just isn't worth it.
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
2 Feb 09
Hi miraclefreebies,
I am so very proud of you and you are well rid of that spineless waste of space that is your nearly ex, you will have a better life of your own with you child and he is a loser, I don't really know how long it will take for a custody battle but he did lock the both of you out so that is where he made his mistake, you don't have to worry my friend and good luck to you, not that you need it.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
3 Feb 09
thanks sweetie. he is a spineless waste of space. He he!
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
Yes. Finally you're almost FREE now.Congratulations! At least you could start now a new stage of your life...thanks also that your daughter would be in your custody..well..good luck..Be happy then..forget all of your bad past and think of the future for your child sake....I will pray for that..cheers!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
2 Feb 09
well, I m glad to hear that you are getting out of that mess for good! It is pretty messed up and I think you'll be so much happier on your own. As for how long it'll take the divorce to go thru....who knows. If the fool is going to battle for custody, it could take much longer. He probably only wants custody so that he won't have to pay child support. Any father that would kick his child and his child's mom out the way he did does not deserve that child. Make sure you keep a journal documenting all this stuff and the dates and all. You may need them in court. good luck miracle!
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
3 Feb 09
You're right he does want custody to avoid paying child support coz he mentioned it several times throughout the marriage.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
2 Feb 09
The fact that he put your daughter out basically on the streets should work against him. I am glad that you and your daughter have your parents to turn to to help you get your life back together after being kicked out. I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts. I hope all goes quickly and smoothly and you will get what you deserve.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I am sure any judge would say, what kind of father would kick his daughter out in the street. I think that in itself is going to go against him if there is a child custody hearing, plus the fact that a cousin has his other child. Doesn't sound like the ideal father to me. His father will just be spending money for nothing, if he really thinks a judge would award him the child.
Take a deep breath, realize that things happen for a reason, and start rebuilding your life with your daughter.
Keep us posted, I am rooting for you.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
3 Feb 09
His dad thinks he knows the law so well and he was the one who changed the locks on the door to keep me out. how silly is that?
@j47lee (740)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
First let me congrates you on finally getting seperated from a creep of a husband... and the chances of his getting your baby girl is very little.. you can always tell the judge about his past child support that he is not meeting ... that gives you a plus point... and plus tell him how he kicked you and your daughter out of your home... this will really give you a point against him... this shows that he even kicked your daughter out... so fat chance he will get your daughter....
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I'm sure that will help my case BIG time! Thanks a lot.
@puddytat101 (657)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Hi miraclefreebies,
My goodness what a story you have to tell! I hope you get what you deserve and so does he! It's always a mess when children are involved. I don't have any children so I cannot comment too much in that area. I wish you the best of luck!
